Chronic Wedding Planning Blues

You shouldn't expect your bridesmaids to help. Their only obligation is to show up in the dress on time for your wedding.

Bridesmaids don't help plan. You plan your own wedding.

What do you still need to do? If you aren't enjoying it and don't have contracts...call it off and elope.

I am so with you!! My fiancé and I have been together for more than 7 years, and everyone is giving me so much flack for taking a 2 year engagement. The wedding process is exactly that, a process! I am a teacher, so I knew during the school year planning would be minimal. It seriously stresses me out just contacting vendors and getting prices back. I never thought it'd be cheap, but damn, it's stressful!!

Sorry, that was one big ramble.

Do you like to plan things normally? I'm super type A and love to complete checklists and stuff like that, so planning for me is an absolute blast. If you don't like to plan in your "normal" life then maybe this is to be expected.

You guys are def right about the Bridesmaids theory, I guess since 2 of them our my fiancé's sisters and the maid of honor is my sister...I was expecting more. As far as eloping....ha...we wish. Our parents would die if we did though.

I like to plan things normally, I am Type A. If you asked any of my friends/coworkers....or WW checklist, I'm on point with tasks. Contracts, Deposits, and decor.....oh my! My Wedding game is strong, I just feel an incredible amount of pressure.....for the wedding to be amazing, everything to go as planned, everything to be planned, for me look the best I can........so stressful!!! For example, I purchased stringed bulbs for my venues ceiling to give a romantic effect to my night time reception and to match my whimsical decor. $220 worth of lights to be exact. My venue decided to charge me $400 to just hang the lights. When I offered my fiancé as well as my brother to do the job under the venues closetful watch to diminish the $400 cost, they denied (of coarse). Long and short, I cannot have the lights now. It saddened me. This may sound stupid to most of you, but I'm trying to stay on budget ($400 is a lot of paper) and I haven't asked for much from my venue, Subtle things like that are killing my vibe. Every time I turn around someone wants $500 for something or another. Seems like my wedding dream is getting beaten down more and more everyday, I guess I would just like to hear that some of you can relate.....that I'm not alone in this. Xo

Our venue does all of the decorating. It's an outdoor ranch, so that alone will set the right vibe. I think I used to enjoy wedding planning, but now.... Now I'm just over it. I still have things to make, but I've been procrastinating. I've been at blah since around May when we closed on our new house. Plus sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to enjoy planning for the wedding because so many other things are falling apart around us. My niece is in the hospital and they can't figure out what is wrong with her, my FIL's granddaughter just started having seizures, their dog has a wicked limp, they can't afford to live on their own so they moved in with us right before Halloween... It just never really ends and I feel like I'm supposed to be miserable with the company around me. Meh.... Whatever.

Make a checklist of all the tasks you need to do. Then set monthly goals for how many you need to complete by the time you reach the big day. Ask your mom or best friend for help or even your FH. Pour yourself a glass of wine and read reviews for vendors. After you visit a potential vendor, take a bubble bath or eat a cookie. Treat yo self. Once you knock out the big stuff it will be way less stressful when you only have the smaller details to take care of. Good luck! You've got this :]

Thank You!!!!!!!

I'm 4.5 months out and I'm over it right now. We're doing a DW, so lots of it is planned with the hotel and such. But my family is bumming me out about not wanting to go, and as of right now I have 6 guests out of the 20 that are attending so far (I know that DWs aren't for everyone, and not everyone can afford attending them. This I know. I just wish they were excited for me. Just a smidgen!). And I'm having a hometown reception so they don't see the point of flying to Mexico to see the actual wedding.

Plus, my bridesmaids haven't picked freaking dresses yet, and I have to order them basically asap. One of my bridesmaids might bail, but she still wants me to buy her dress "just in case".

I'm not super keen on my job right now (in general), and I'm making half of what I was last year, which has me stressed (we moved for FHs job, and there was no place for me to transfer near by). And the Canadian dollar is at an 11 year low, so we're adding 35% to everything anyway, and we could've just gotten married in Canada for the same price.

Sorry for stealing your post. I get it though. Super awful about the lights situation. I get being excited for something and having it not turn out the same way you expected. 400$ is a lot of money in wedding planning! Can you return them?? Hopefully this feeling will pass and in the new year we will be pumped again!

It may end up that the venue you chose wasn't actually right for your vision (not criticizing, just saying that perhaps these things like lights didn't come up in your initial search so now it's a surprise for both sides), but, remember this one thing - people will remember how they were treated - not whimsical lights. Focus on the things that affect your guests - food, alcohol, seating, comfort - and you will have happy guests and you will be happy. I promise no one came up to me after my wedding and said "we just LOVED your centerpieces!" But they said "the food was great, DJ was awesome, booze was flowing" Focus on those type of things (and, yeah, on you looking great too!) and don't let things like lights or minor decor get to you. Plenty of ladies here have had issues with decor/flowers and in the end - just doesnt matter! I know it's hard to relax on those things but it will be best for your enjoyment if you can!

I took a break from planning to work on my thesis. The thesis is mostly done but still being worked on, and the dissertation is in a few weeks. When I think about the fact that there's a bunch of stuff that needs to get done still, it just feels so draining Could it be that you have too many other obligations right now, so that by the time you get to your wedding stuff, it feels like just one more thing and not something fun?

I like to read things on the website/book "A Practical Wedding." If you're getting bogged down in details that you don't really care about, the website/book kind of has a liberating "none of it matters except the spouse, license, and officiant" message.

I think it's kinda normal to hit a slump around six months out. At this point there isn't a lot of exciting planning to do. Just awful details and payments to be made. I'm sure it'll pick up again. And then you'll reach the very end where you just lost your wits and realize you don't care about the little details anymore - IDAGF mode. Lol. All things I have learned from watching my friends the past few years.

Hey, I just wanted to let you know I feel ya! I'm still 10 months out, but I have most of the big things booked and I'm hitting a slump. The bills keep coming and it's exhausting planning out every little detail. Plus little details, like lights as you mentioned, just keep adding to the cost. We are trying to keep a reasonably low budget wedding but hearing the prices of everything kind of beats some of the fun out of it. Obviously I go in with reasonable expectations with vendors and I don't expect them to change their costs to suit me. It's more just always trying to alter my vision to fit my budget and it's tiring. I think it'll all be worth it in the day and I wouldn't have it any other way. . But planning a wedding sure seems to be hard work!

Not everyone enjoys planning. For some, it's just a necessary thing that must be gotten through in order to have the wedding you want. If you're in that situation, you need to think about:

1. Is this the wedding you want? You could have a simple wedding with just immediate family and close friends, maybe just take everyone to dinner in a nice restaurant afterward, and save most of that $15,000. If you really dislike planning, is it worth it to spend this much time planning for just one day?

2. Where is your FI in all this? It's his wedding, too, and he should be equally responsible for the planning. If you sit down with him and the two of you work out how to divide the chores to be done in half, you will likely end up a lot less overwhelmed.

3. Simplify! You don't need uplighting. Assign people to tables, but not seats. Consider a restaurant reception, so that you need only one vendor for venue, food, and alcohol.