Choosing my "already picked" maid of honor

I would keep your MOH who she is, I'm assuming you chose her for a reason. Unless she doesn't have the finances to buy a dress for the wedding, but if the date on your profile is correct that's over two years from now. Your MOH isn't supposed to help you plan your wedding, that's for you and your fiancé to do. If anyone offers to help along the way, that's great. But you shouldn't rank your friends based on how much time and effort they're able to put towards your wedding.

I don’t think when choosing your maid of honor it should be based off of how much they’ll be able to do for you.In my personal opinion maid of honor’s aren’t required to plan anything on your behalf. It’s your wedding not theirs. I personally would just choose the person that I’m closest to that I care about the most.

View Quoted Comment I could not agree with this more!

I agree with amber. It's also kind of early for her to be planning showers or parties. (although if you want it early do your thing.) It should be a stress free time for your bridesmaids/MOH. But if she willingly wants to step down you can't stop her. Also maybe not have a MOH. Just have bridesmaids. They can share the party planning etc.

I would just leave them all as bridesmaids

I wouldn't select based who has the most free time to plan things... I would probably keep your MOH and understand her limitations. #2 can't come to weekly game nights and that's why you wouldn't want her? I think you might need to reevaluate your expectations of your bridal party.

Option C. Leave everything the way it is. Let your MOH know to feel no obligation to be the one to organize any of these events— you have a large bridal party, anyone can do it. Nothing should fall on the sole shoulders of MOH anyway. They should discuss amongst themselves what they want to be involved in and to what extent.


My MOH lived across the country, and my other girls were local. I didn’t even expect my MOH to attend my shower , to be honest, but she’s my best friend so I wanted her right next to me on my wedding day. My local girls did all of the legwork for the bachelorette. My mom and aunt hosted my shower (and my girls helped with games and wait set up day of). My MOH wasn’t uninvolved, but she was never alone in charge of doing anything. They all planned together and divided the labor through what worked best for them. No need to change titles. Just try to take the pressure off MOH.

I would just keep moh the same and compromise

I agree with the pp's and also as a bridesmaid it may be insulting to be maid of honor because someone else could not do it. They may feel like a plan B. The other bridesmaids can help plan the other events. Also, often MOB's or FMIL's can host showers and you can host your own bachelorette like a night out or a dinner or just a simple night over at your house if the other ladies do not step it up. I would keep the MOH unless she feels she cannot even be present for the day of or get a dress.

She shows up sober in the dress and smiles for the pictures. Those are her duties. What's to plan?

I would keep the same MOH. She doesn't need to plan anything with you - she just needs to stand beside you in pics, hold your bouquet, and fix your train.

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I agree. And your social groups/friendships WILL change before your wedding, which is over two years away! Please just leave them all as is - good luck!

I agree with EVERYONE else that you should just move forward with the party you have in place now. You have so much time before your wedding day, so I would just reassure your MOH that she is doing fine and you don't need anything from her.

Also, you are adding needless stress to your life by ranking your friends by how much they can do for you. If you shift your thinking to just enjoying the planning the process with your future spouse, and continue seeing your friends as friends (not employees), everything will go so much better.