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Mckinzie
Savvy May 2021

Choosing Bridesmaids & Guilt

Mckinzie, on September 3, 2020 at 2:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 12
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Hey ladies! I love all of the help you've all provided us! I've been struggling lately with feeling anxious about the wedding party. I have many special girl friends in my life and I love them all dearly but I can't choose them all to be in my wedding party. My fiance only has 4 men he wants to stand by him and we both agree that 4 is a great number for us. Whoever we choose is special to us because we want the support of those that love us both and will continue to encourage us in our marriage and throughout the rest of our lives. That being said, we've decided and asked our Bridesmaids and groomsman. We are completely confident in who we choose and couldn't imagine it any other way! My problem here is that I'm afraid of hurting my other girl friends who wanted to be a part of our big day. I wanted to find special things for them to help with and still feel included in on our girls days if they are up to it. What do you guys think? Has anyone else had a similar experience? I know that if they're true friends they'll understand but I also think this will be emotional for them. How do you even go about these conversations? Do I need to give an explanation for my choices?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Lynnie, on September 3, 2020 at 4:45 PM
  • Alexandria
    Expert November 2020
    Alexandria ·
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    Have you talked to your FH about asking your girls to be PA's? (Personal attendants) That's what one of my close friends had me do at her wedding, she wanted me involved but her and her husband wanted only 2 people standing with them. I was still included in all the fun things and extra activities and then helped make sure everything ran smoothly on her big day, just wasn't a bridesmaid, I still felt very involved and not at all like i was second tier or anything. Just a thought Smiley heart

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  • Lisa
    Legend July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I don't think you would owe anyone any explanations! To include the other girls that you don't choose to be in the bridal party, you could have them read a poem/reading during the ceremony, or ask one of them to be your officiant (if you want to have a friend perform that task), or give them VIP seating at the ceremony, etc. There are ways to include them if you wanted to, even if they're not bridesmaids.
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  • Mckinzie
    Savvy May 2021
    Mckinzie ·
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    Thats kind of what I'm thinking! As a PA what did the bride have you do and make you feel included? My FH is pretty laid back and tells me to do whatever I want to do to make them all feel included!
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  • Alexandria
    Expert November 2020
    Alexandria ·
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    I helped the MOH plan the bachelorette party, and bridal shower. And on the big day I did the brides makeup and her mother's makeup,I helped set up the reception and ceremony decor. then helped coordinate photography and helped everyone stay on schedule for timeline and made sure the bride could enjoy herself and not worry about the little things that came up. It was so much fun and so nice to be able to take stress off the bride Smiley smile

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    They can still be a part of your day in other ways like being readers
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  • Mckinzie
    Savvy May 2021
    Mckinzie ·
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    I love it! I think that's what I'm going to do! I had those same ideas but actually having a name for it helps so much! I might do a proposal goody box for PA's like I did for my bridesmaids!
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  • Alexandria
    Expert November 2020
    Alexandria ·
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    I think that would be awesome, my friend did one for me and I just adored it! And yes having a name makes it so much more official in a way, it's weird lol!

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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    Being a guest is a HUGE honor in itself. No one feels slighted by that. Not everyone wants to share the spotlight of a bridesmaid or a reader or some other position, but they don't love you any less. Seriously don't stress.
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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    I will say that if you have them be your PA make sure you recognize the work that they put towards your wedding just like you do your bridesmaids. I was a PA for a wedding of a "friend" and I spent the entire day running around like crazy (was basically the DOC) and at the end didn't even get a thank you. That left a sour taste in my mouth and impacted our friendship.

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  • Mckinzie
    Savvy May 2021
    Mckinzie ·
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    Oh my! I'm sorry, thats terrible! It sounds like you were a great friend for doing that! I'm glad you mentioned it...I would thank them for sure but getting them a little gift for helping would be a great way to show appreciation as well!
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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    I know from their stand point it would be appreciated and make them feel like what little bit they did was truly helpful!

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  • Lynnie
    WeddingWire Administrator October 2016
    Lynnie ·
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    Honestly just being in the close crew of girlfriends who attend the bridal shower and bach party is more than enough!! Smiley heart

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