How would you handle this;
I dress shopping with my daughter, the Bride to find her perfect dress. Initially it was just her, myself and my younger daughter, the SOTB. She wanted to get ideas for dresses to rule out the styles she didn't like so when we went the next time, it was going to be the day she picked THE ONE. Since that next appt was just as important the Bride wanted certain people to be there as well as we are all important to her and the event. I thought it was pretty awesome because it was me, SOTB, my mom, the FMIL, the step-FMIL, FMIL's mom & 2 of the bridesmaids. Prior to the appt. it was suggested that only the SOTB be the only one to take photos for this event, just like at the 1st appt so that there weren't a lot of pics roaming around. My daughter asked me to let everyone know, which I did however the FMIL and my mom rode together and got there a bit late so I had not had a chance to tell either of them as i had already let all the others know. They all happily complied.
The thought left my head as the Bride comes out in the first dress. until....almost immediately the FMIL takes out a camera and starts snapping away. I kindly mentioned the Brides No Pics Policy and was immediately me with anger, disrespect and rudeness. She stated that she 'appreciated what i said but she was going to take pictures anyways' and that she was 'doing it for her girl', meaning my daughter, the Bride.
I am not by any means threatened by this woman. i have a strong relationship with my daughter so that wasn't the issue. My issue was and still is the fact that she took that moment away from my daughter. FMIL behaved selfishly because she is very insecure woman, and that is too bad.
Now, to speak freely, I am very reserved. Intentionally so because do not like to be angry and that day I was so angry that I felt Mama Bear rising up and did everything in my power to knock that woman out! My mom saw it, and both my daughters saw it. and when I met my daughters eyes, the BRIDE, all that anger disappeared. My girl's day was ruined. She continued trying on dresses but unhappily so. The FMIL kept snapping those pics and would glance in my direction smirking and it made my blood boil like you would not believe. I made a few under my breath comments but then stopped because I was contributing to the debacle of the day. It was horrible.
after the fact the Bride and her FMIL had it out. FMIL refuses to apologize as the Bride felt that FMIL was so disrespectful to me. She had my back for sure but that didn't excuse my own reaction. I let my own anger almost get the best of me so I apologized to my daughter for my contributing behavior.
The sad part was my daughter chose a dress that she did not want just to end the appointment and get the heck out of there. I knew it was not what she wanted but she ordered it anyways.
By mid week following the appointment, my daughter, the Bride made another appointment and thank fully was able to change the dress as the shop had not actually ordered the dress yet. the next appointment would only include myself, FMIL, SOTB, Man of Honor (BFF) and Brother of the bride whom had been unable to attend the first two appointments.
In the end, FMIL refused to attend, and my daughter found her dream dress. This was how the appointment should have gone.
I have since attempted to reach out to her to hash things out because it is important to my FSIL whom i adore and my daughter to know that we are all adults and can get along. I am however not the only person that my daughters FMIL does not speak to so in that I am not alone.
FMIL still refuses to be involved in the wedding planning. She still believes that she was wronged and that she also did nothing wrong.
I think that i would like some advice on how to proceed. It would be important for my daughter and my FSIL to see that we can all get along. We don't have to be best friends but i'd like for everyone to at least act like grownups. Especially for our granddaughters sake.
