Hi, I am planning on booking my wedding for sometime in 2021 in my hometown of Chicago. My fiancé is not from Illinois and his entire family lives out of state besides his grandfather. He only sees his cousins at weddings or funerals. I have met his uncles and aunts for the most part, but there are some first cousins of his that I probably will not get to meet before our wedding. I'd like to limit the amount of children at our wedding in general with the exception of my first cousin who will be 14 at the time of our wedding (he also lives two blocks away from me) and my one bridemaid's son. The ring bearers' parents do not want their children present and have told us they have no problem finding a sitter for the reception.
I told my fiancé that his smaller first cousins can attend as well to be fair so that his aunt and uncles can attend. However, he has older first cousins that have their own children. One will be 3 years old at the time of the wedding and the rest should be at least five years old. As of now, there are four second cousins on his side of the family. My future mother-in-law told me that if we do not allow his cousins to bring their own children, they won't show. He really wants them there. However, I do not feel that I should include my first cousins' children despite them all living here in Illinois. Do I not put "and family" on invites and wait for his cousins to ask if they can bring their small children? Or do we text/call them after invites go out and tell them if it means they can attend by having their children invited, then they can bring them. We would also mention that others' feelings may be hurt if their own children are not invited and to keep it on the DL.
I do NOT want my invites and wedding website to say "no children allowed". I also do not want to upset some of my cousins that live in state and feel hurt that his cousins are able to bring their own kids. Between now and the wedding, some of his other relatives may have more kids, which means they would be under the age of 2. Again, all of his relatives would be traveling from a different state. Some may have to fly and some could reasonably drive.
