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Just Said Yes April 2018

Child Free Wedding: Many out of towners

Sharon, on December 26, 2017 at 4:27 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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My wedding is 4 months away and going to be child free. My fiancé and I agreed that this is what we want. However, we have been visiting family for the holidays and realizing that many of those who have children will be traveling to our wedding and seem to have not gotten the message that it will be child free (everyone is within the same state, it’s a drive of a few hours). Is it still ok to request no children with the risk of pushback from those who are traveling?

It is already a small wedding (less than 100). We will be sending out invitations next month and will be including the wording to let everyone know this will be an adults only event.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by starsinwaves, on December 26, 2017 at 1:03 PM

Master July 2017
A. L. · on December 26, 2017 at 5:09 AM
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You can certainly request it. If people are unable or unwilling to get a sitter, they might turn you down. ETA: Instead of telling people the event is adults only, you should just only invite the people by name who you want.
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Dedicated January 2018
Shortandsweet · on December 26, 2017 at 7:33 AM
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Yes, write the names of the people you are inviting on the envelope.

I also had a conversation with some friends. FH and I had a “breast feeding children only” because for many breast feeding mums it can be very uncomfortable for them to pump at a party. Funny enough, not one of them are bringing their super young children.
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Super September 2019
An · on December 26, 2017 at 8:12 AM
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It is definitely OK. I would try to get the word out by mouth if possible to give people time to find a sitter. Also, as PP's have said, do not put "adults only" etc. on your invites. Just list the people that you are inviting and put "___ of 2 attending" or something similar on your RSVP cards. You may get some more declines than you otherwise would but that comes with the territory of a child-free wedding.
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on December 26, 2017 at 9:52 AM
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It is always fine to have an adult event. Making that choice goes hand in hand with accepting that your decision will mean that some of your invited guests won't come. If that's what you call pushback, you will get it.
Parents have choices: leave the children at home with a trusted caregiver; bring a sitter with them if they choose to also bring the children; or, hire a sitter at the wedding locale.
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Super May 2018
Jen · on December 26, 2017 at 10:05 AM
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You can host an adults only event. Just be prepared for the possibility that guests who live out of town and have children may choose to decline.
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Devoted October 2017
Nats · on December 26, 2017 at 1:01 PM
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It's totally fine to have a kids-free wedding, but you do need to make it clear to your guests that only adults are invited. You also have to be comfortable with the fact that some will decline if they can't bring their kids.
We did mostly no kids (only kids invited were family -- all of whom were directly involved in the wedding ceremony except for one flower girl's little brother -- and babies young enough to still be breastfeeding), and virtually all of our guests needed to travel. Several brought their kids out for the weekend and then hired a babysitter for the wedding (I got some sitter recommendations from our venue and helped them coordinate), and one groomsman brought his infant. All the rest left the kids with grandparents so they could enjoy themselves. We did designate one of the dressing rooms as a pumping room, which several of our guests really appreciated.
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VIP November 2018
starsinwaves · on December 26, 2017 at 1:03 PM
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If guests are traveling from OOT and staying in a hotel, you might want to look into hiring a sitter for all the kids during the wedding (if the parents are OK with it). It's very hard for parents to travel hours to a wedding if they can't bring their kids.
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