Child Free (or Baby Free) Weddings

Invite the specific people you want to attend, by name on the invite. Don't put "no babies" or 'adults only" on the invite. If you don't want kids, don't invite them, and be prepared to tell those people that as much as you adore them, you are not having a child friendly event.

And yes, children need to be included, though your caterer may have lower prices for kids.

1. Don't put "no babies" on your invite. You address the invite to those who are actually invited. That said, be prepared for some people to decline due to the no infant rule. It's not always easy to leave a child that young in the care of someone else.

2. There isn't going to be a good way to approach this cousin and tell her you think her kids are out of control.

3. Talk to your caterer. Only they will be able to tell you at what age children would need to be included for meals. Ours required they know of all children to make sure there were enough chairs etc. for the kids. Most caterers offer discounted and sometimes free meals depending on the ages of the children.

I had a very frank discussion with my aunt at Christmas Eve. I had decided 16+, but my aunt has children who currently range from 19-7. She's the only one who I was really concerned with my 16+, since that meant her three girls could come, but not the two younger boys. She was so thankful for my honesty, and genuinely seemed okay with not bringing the younger ones. (She actually mentioned leaving ALL the kids at home lol but I don't really want her to do that). I think you really have to decide who is going to be affected by the age cutoff you decide, and talk to them if you're concerned. Ultimately, it's your wedding!

I understand where you are coming from, I am not inviting everyone's children. I know I am going to get judged and people will probably be upset, bc there will be children (from immediate family only). But it is what FH and I have decided. We are having a formal event, and I have X amount of space. I am having the calligrapher address the invitations to who is specifically invited (ie. Mr and Mrs Smith, vs The Smith Family) I hope this helps you.

Also- yes tell your caterer. I got quoted a discounted price and alternate meal for children.

1. Just name the people invited on the invitation. Specifically pointing out who is NOT invited by saying "no babies" or "adults only" is rude.

2. Don't bring it up to someone that their children are not invited unless they ask you about it. They should know when the invitation comes to just husband and wife, not "The Smith family". Wedding invitations aren't tit for tat though so you don't have to invite them just because they invited you.

3. Ask your venue/caterer, they would need a seat but most caterers have reduced cost for kid's meals.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY - Like Spazzy said, it's extremely rude to make an arbitrary age cut-off that would split families. So either invite all the kids in one family or none of them.

And speaking as someone who just had a wedding where there were lots of kids and who attends weddings with kids all the time, I think people worry about this too much. Unless the kids in your family are absolute terrors and your family and friends are crappy and completely socially unaware parents, it'll be fine. Reasonable people know to take a screaming toddler out of the room. Newborns sleep most of the day anyway.

Just be careful with exceptions. Don't put adults only or "no babies" on an invitation and allow some persons 5 year old but not your cousins 5 year old. Just address their invitation to Mr. and Mrs. Xx Xx. They'll get the point.

You can't split families, and if you allow some children and not others people will be upset. You could probably include children in the bridal party and/or immediate family's children (nieces/nephews) but not others.

I will probably invite the cousin and husband by name like you suggested, and include the kids I'd be okay with being there (like my nephews and niece) on their parent's invites.

As for age cutoffs that split up families, I don't think I mentioned that anywhere so I assume it was in response to Elizabeth. We're inviting about 100 people and only a few of them have children so I don't think it will be a big problem, mostly just wanted input on that specific couple with three very rowdy ones. Thanks all for your input.

You can't just exclude that one couple's children. If you are going to have some children, make sure you are crystal clear with the cutoff point. We are having immediate family's children only (our own 2 kids, and FH's sisters' kids). If you invite some cousins' kids and not others, that's where people will be upset.

Yeah, stick to nieces/nephews and kids in the bridal party and I think you'll be okay.

My Mom's family has been doing adult-only since she was a kid (late 1960s). Our guests ended up actually being 25 and up (we were in our early 30s) except for the flower girl and ring bearer, hubby's niece and nephew (both in the bridal party), and my honorary little brother and sister (15 and 17.5). The venue only gave a $26 discount on the adult price for the 3 teenagers (the 3 who were 9-12 were half price), so we were not going to pay-out that kind of money for just anyone.

Of course, there's one in every bunch, who thinks they can bend the rules. My cousin, who didn't invite kids to her wedding, a few years before, thought she could bring her toddler, because it would be a great way for him to meet the family. His nickname is "the little monster." Um...NO! Then my mother in law's friend thought it would be perfectly fine to bring her 9 year old granddaughter, if her husband ended up having to work that day. Sure, I'd be happy to pay the full adult rate, including open bar for 9 year old I'd never met. NO again!

Mz Rosa- Honestly we're inviting this 8 person family (two parents and four grown children plus significant others) I don't particularly feel like I should have to add 3 more little tyrants. We have a few other friends/family with kids who I know will get a sitter if they feel it's necessary but if they want to bring their kid I know I can trust them to keep it under control. This is not the case with the person I mentioned. I don't see the problem with just addressing the invitations to the adults when we would rather their kids not be there. It's similar to leaving someone off the guest list in my eyes. And if they can't come without their kids, they can't come. No sweat.

You may just want to have a no children wedding - age 5 seems like a tough cut off point (I'm the kind of person whom can't tell the difference between a 3 year old and a 5 year old). Maybe just start setting it at teens? And, it needs to be word of month... if someone asks if they can bring their 2 year old you tell them No.

Feeding kids is still expensive, so keep that in mind if you have budget concerns.... a plate of chicken fingers and fries cost me $50 each. So feeding a family unit got very, very pricey.

The problem with leaving just one set of kids off and inviting everyone else's is that it will look like you're judging their kids and their parenting skills. And you are.

Also calling kids "tyrants" is not cool. Even if they don't have great social skills at this stage in their lives, they're still people and deserve respect.

Agreed Rebecca. I'm not a giant fan of kids at weddings, but most of the acting out happens because little kids are not suited to that long a day. It's not their fault. It's the situation and the parents.

Children's actions are the result of their parents actions. My son is very well behaved because I have taught him how to behave in public. My nieces do not know how to act in public because their parents never taught them. They keep on leaving them at home since they don't act right but at the same time that's making it worse. Children need to learn how to act in public and in certain situations.

Did not mean to upset anyone. Perhaps I did use the wrong word for these particular children.

As for breastfeeding, I hadn't considered that but I still don't want tiny babies at the ceremony so if she chooses to not attend because of that that's fine with me.

Very much agree with Randee that some kids are perfect angels in public because their parents taught them how to behave. That is the case with my niece and a friend's kid who may come.

My stepson (15 yrs) old was in the wedding. Otherwise we asked our guests not to bring their kids. One of my cousins did bring their kids (ages 13 and 16) and although we spoke several times about not bringing his kids, he still brought them anyway. He actually told me that he would drop them back to the hotel which was 5 miles from the venue. By the time I realized that didn't happen, they were eating and having fun. I decided not to get upset and to enjoy my wedding.

I recommend calling the folks with kids and telling them that you are hosting an adult wedding.

We have a note on our wedding website that says "While we would love to celebrate with your entire family, this will be an adults only event due to space limitations." Our STDs and Invites will have our wedding website listed and we will address the envelopes to just the adults. Hopefully between the envelopes and the wedding website, people will get the only adults event. Depending on how many members on your guestlist have children, maybe you can just talk to the parents? We took a few votes and every single parent asked preferred the adults only so they could get a day off. It also helped when we mentioned the space or financial limitations. We were told people won't pull the guilt trip if you mention financial limitations. People might be more understanding than what we sometimes give them credit for so a frank conversation with them directly might work like it did for us.