My fiance has always wanted his cousin in his wedding... well he is married and cheats on his wife. I dont like him, be is a bad influence on my boyfriend. Anytime they go out he acts an ass, I know it’s ultimately my fiances responsiblity to do the right thing. I said I would rather have no bridesmaids at all than have his cousin in the wedding. I feel like its putting bad vibes out.. based on a lot of the things he has done in the past I feel like he would try to mess up our wedding. My finace is not listening.
Ultimately, you can't choose your FH's groomsmen for him. If he wants his cousin in his wedding, he should have him in his wedding. I understand that you don't like him, but this is his decision. If you feel so strongly about this, I'm concerned as to why your FH is friends with him in the first place if he's not a good person. Of course everyone's personal life is their own business, but I know my FH would not spend his time with someone of such poor character, let alone have them in our wedding.
I agree with Amber. Why is FH still friends with him? Have you had a talk with him about how you feel about this guy and asked him sincerely why he supports his behavior? And as Amber said, you can't choose his groomsmen for him - though you can make suggestions (like if you want your brother involved, etc.). Unfortunately, it sounds like he's really gungho about having this guy stand by his side so anyone you suggest would be in addition to this dude.
I would just deal with it. He sounds awful and I see why you would not want him in your wedding but if he's your grooms friend and family and wants him there then unfortunately that's just how it is. But your suggestion of no wedding party at all isn't bad since at that point you wouldn't have him as a groomsman if you decide together no wedding party.
I would also just deal with it. Ultimately it's your fiancé's decision as to who his groomsmen are. i don't believe in the bad vibes thing. Your day will be so full of love. What are you worried about him doing at your wedding?
I totally get where you are coming from. FH has a groomsman that I absolutely can not stand as he is very degrading to women (myself and his FI included) and overall, I just don't like his attitude or his way of thinking. If it were up to me, this guy wouldn't even be invited to our wedding. But it was one of those things I had to suck up because him and FH have been friends since fourth grade. As much as it sucks (I wouldn't want him there either), it may be one of the concessions you have to make.
I understand why you are mad but you can't dictate who he has up there with him. I'd be more concerned with why your FH allows this type of person in his life. His cousins behavior is toxic and you are not wrong in not wanting him to be a part of a wedding ceremony. I'd talk to FH and try to figure out why he accepts that behavior into his life. No one needs that around.
GirllllI I totally feel you! My H's best friend is a habitual loser cheater, my best friend for some reason married him and they are now getting divorced. I cannot stand when H goes out with him and not because he acts like him but he will say guys only and invite three random girls to meet up with everyone, he is gross. He is def toxic, but as others have said you can't choose this one. I would def put my foot down once you are married and protect your marriage from this type of person.
What I am worried about? He is a loser and I just feel like he will do something to mess it up. He has done stuff in the past to try and make us fight... like sending me a photo of my bf hugging another girl at a bar. Yes he was the one doing it - it was just to try to make me jealous because I really didn't like the girls at that bar- he used to work there and it was a rough time for us- he flirted with the girls.. so no I wasnt very happy.
Another time (when he was working at this bar) his cousin told him he really needed him (because his wife wanted a divorce- no shi ) and they ended up staying out all night, drove to the casino- in another state! It wouldn't have mattered but I had a really bad day (work and doctors Appt) that day and even before he said he was going out with him, I told him that if he could get off early to come home because I really needed him.
Anyways we are pasted all that, thank God he got another job now! But its things like that. I just don't trust him.
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