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Just Said Yes March 2021

Charging for uninvited children?

Nicole, on March 3, 2020 at 9:25 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17

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Ideally, this would be a child-free wedding. But fiancé is from a large family with lots of young nieces/nephews/first & second cousins with many members having 2-4 children each.

The only children invited would be the ring bearer, flower girl, our new baby, & my fiancé’s god-child.
I know a large chunk of the family will feel it is rude and be offended by not inviting their children but between our budget/venue choice it puts us in a tough spot. We do not want to pay for the childcare of other people to have a daycare/sitter in place at the venue.
So now, I am throwing around the ideas of obviously sending out invites addressed only to the people invited but maybe with a brief statement on the bottom saying something along the lines of “should you choose to bring a small guest, please note there is charge of $x amount per child” (if they are old enough to eat solid food & it would be the cost of whatever the caterer charges for a children’s meal) OR invitations addressed to only those invited but if we receive RSVP’s with more than those invited, we will call and ask them to cover the charge of their extra guests.
My question now is, is it okay to do this? Should we not ask people to cover the costs of their uninvited children? Will it be too forward? Too inconsiderate? Rude? In my mind, I am thinking this puts the ball in their court and they can decide for themselves and their family to bring along their children or they can decide to find other child arrangements, or they can choose to decline all together.

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17 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on March 5, 2020 at 3:43 PM

Devoted August 2020
Jordan · on March 3, 2020 at 9:35 PM
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Please dear lord do you not do that. That is by far the most disrespectful thing you could do. Either just say no kids or save for about $25/ kid.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on March 3, 2020 at 9:37 PM
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I would not tell them if they bring their kids they have to pay. I do not feel there is a way to state that and not come off rude. I would simply state adults only wedding or at best the wedding can be for all followed by an adults only reception which could still present issues. Maybe best to just make it an adults only wedding as well as on the RSVP state the names of the adults invited but I would be transparent and state adults only as some people do not get it.
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Dedicated October 2020
Julia · on March 3, 2020 at 9:39 PM
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I’ve read many people say this is not acceptable. We are taking the road of note inviting many of my FH cousins children as he has a very large family. I know this may come across rude and inconsiderate however we are not close to these specific cousins and are only inviting them at the request of my FMIL. As I’ve mentioned in other post we are paying for our wedding and have a budget to stick to. We addressed their invitations the the parents only and the RSVP card reads we have reserved 2 seats in your name. Then they have the choice to attend or not, knowing their children are not invited. Again I know it won’t be a popular choice. I don’t feel like I’ve been a bridezilla but I definitely have the mindset that it’s my wedding my rules as far as guests go.
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Devoted May 2019
Denise · on March 3, 2020 at 9:51 PM
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No, this is not ok.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on March 3, 2020 at 10:15 PM
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It’s ok to not invite kids. But I don’t think you should write about charging them though.
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Dedicated September 2021
Jamie · on March 3, 2020 at 11:20 PM
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This is not okay, It could come out very rude.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on March 3, 2020 at 11:50 PM
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That’s far from okay.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on March 4, 2020 at 12:34 AM
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View Quoted Comment
This.

Just stick to your guns on “no kids.”
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Devoted June 2021
Theadra · on March 4, 2020 at 12:54 AM
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Yeah love just say Adult Only. Your guests shouldn’t be payin for anything at the event . Besides transportation (if needed)
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on March 4, 2020 at 1:43 AM
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I'm child free and I would decline an invitation like this in solidarity. Not okay at all.
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Super October 2020
Fmv · on March 4, 2020 at 9:04 AM
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I wouldnt write that
Just address the invite to who you are inviting. If they rsvp for more then you gave them then call them and tell them the invite was meant for the adults
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on March 4, 2020 at 11:50 AM
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No, I don't think this is a good idea. Your guests are likely to be more offended at the idea that they have to pay for their children.
If you want a no-kids wedding (except for the few you mentioned), then have a kid-free wedding. Address your invitation only to the adults invited; make your RSVP cards say something like "we have reserved 2 seats in your honor" indicating that only the husband and wife are invited--not their kids; If you get RSVPs back where people have written in their kids names/numbers, you have to follow up with those people and say "sorry but due to space/budget restrictions, only you and DH are invited. We're sorry if that means you won't be able to attend."; spread the word through your families that this is a no-kids wedding, so that people know ahead of time that children won't be invited; put it on your wedding website, in the FAQ section. If you make it very clear, in these ways, that you want a kid-free wedding, these steps will eliminate a lot of problems later.
What you're describing is trying to have it both ways. You can't. You either allow kids and pay for them like every other guest, or you prohibit kids, and make that very clear with every guest you invite.
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Master January 2021
Andrea · on March 4, 2020 at 12:00 PM
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I wholeheartedly agree
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on March 4, 2020 at 12:51 PM
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I would literally be horrified to see that on an invite. Just address the invite to the adults and put an FAQ on the website about no kids. If people still bring their kids, it's tacky, but not as tacky as collecting money from guests.
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Dedicated September 2020
Alys · on March 4, 2020 at 2:26 PM
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Don’t do that. Just make it clear it’s adults only. If they can’t find childcare, they don’t have to come to the wedding.

We are doing adults only too, but since we are a DW, we will be hiring sitters to watch the kids in separate area.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on March 4, 2020 at 2:37 PM
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OMG no! Just don't invite the children. Only addressing your invitations to certain people will not let them know that their kids are not invited. This is beyond disrespectful! If you are that cheap, get married at the courthouse or serve McDonalds so you can afford to feed your guests.
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Expert January 2021
Katie · on March 5, 2020 at 3:43 PM
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Noooo.... much better to tell them it's not kid friendly than ask them to pay... at that point, they may as well pay for a sitter and actually enjoy the evening to themselves.
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