Changing the wedding now?

Based on the post, it seems like you know exactly what you want. Yeah, money is great, but you can always make or get more money. You can never replace the cherished memories and experience that will come along with your wedding day, and you've already been planning it this long! The logical thing isn't always the right thing.
Just my own opinion! Do whichever thing you feel you wouldn't regret. Do you think you will regret spending the money long term? Or do you think you would regret never having the wedding you dreamed of?

Theres a lot here to unpack.
1 - disinviting people is awkward and rude. I'm sure you know that. As someone who recieved a save the date for a friend's wedding, and then never recieved the invite, it was a slap in the face. To all of us in the friend group that this happened to. I didn't send Save the Dates to everyone on our list just in case. Because I didn't want to "pull a Kelly." We made plans to travel over 5 hours to this wedding, and she just decided to cut her guest list way down after save the dates.
2 - Is your FMIL going to give you all that money if you cancel the wedding? Like this sounds like something you need to talk to her about. Because she might not be thinking the same way your fiance is. And she may be willing to pay several thousands of dollars for a wedding, but not willing to give you that amount. [Idk this is obviously a conversation to have with her.] But then, if your dad is paying for the wedding, I don't see how this is an issue? (I'm fuzzy here and don't understand.)3 - it really does sound like you know what you want.I'd suggest sitting down with your fiance and arguing it out. Maybe finding a compromise. I feel like you may feel some resentment if you don't get a wedding you feel like you both deserve. And he's going to have resentment about money. And unfortunately, money is the biggest problem in marriages. So arguing it out now and finding something that works for both of you is the best thing you can do for yourselves.

You already answered yourself love. Stand your ground and fight for what you want, what you’ve been wanting and dreaming about. You can always get money back but you can never get time back. This means a great deal to you it’s clear as day. ❤️❤️

Hey
This sll sounds good. I would follow my dreams and do what you feel you both deserve. Another thing is and a suggestion is in Few years later you can also renew your vows and do the big wedding you always wanted. My Whole point im trying to make is that one day you are going to want to fillfull that want of this special wedding and you would want to do it anyway. Good luck

You've already put money down on all those vendors. I'd say you can't really disinvite peope unless you just elope completely and say something like we couldn't wait so we ran away type thing. But it also seems like you have your heart set on the wedding. My parents gave me the option of giving me money or paying for the wedding obviously logic says to take the money but I've always wanted a nice wedding with friends and family and at the end of the day that was more important than money to me. As far as those extra friends that you said about disinviting if they've already been sent a save-the-date it's really hard to uninvite them now.

I’d take the amount she’d give me for a small wedding and put it with whatever your dad is willing to give you and have your day, because it sounds like to me that you’re always going to regret not having the wedding of your dreams. You can’t be rude and uninvite your family and your future family. That is no way to start a union. It seems like she is trying to control you guys and your plans with her money. That’s not a good tone to set for the beginning of a marriage. If you guys invest the money that she does plan on giving you well and make a solid plan for that you won’t need the extra that she says she’s going to give you. It’s not fair to you, your families or your guests who have probably been making plans since you sent the STDs out to just say sorry to can’t come. I’d stand my ground.

Ok, first of all, if you do end up having the wedding, you can not “disinvite” anyone who already received a STD. That is very rude! This is a consequence you have to deal with since you sent your STD’s entirely too early. Everyone who received a STD should receive an invitation. You can just hope you get a lot of decline RSVP’s.


It sounds like you want this wedding. The money is great, but you can make your own money. You only get married (hopefully) once. So why give it up for something you can literally make every single day?

My fiancé and I went through a similar feeling, we just didn’t book everything yet like you did. He wanted to elope and have a very small wedding and to take the money offered and I decided I wanted the wedding I had always dreamed of. We lost the magic for a bit but we talked it through and I told him why I wanted to have a nice wedding. It meant more to him to give me the memorable day I’d always dreamed of than to have a little extra money in the bank, so that’s the route we are going. I think you just need to sit down with your fiancé and discuss what you both actually want, take the money portion completely off the table and make sure you’re doing something you will be happy with. It may just be one day as people say, but it’s one of the biggest days of your life and you want it to be special.

View Quoted Comment I think you and your fiance should somehow do a happy medium. I don't think there's anything wrong with you wanting the day that you've always dreamed of but I can also see his perspective. Something you're going to deal with is that if he has now in the mindset that he doesn't want to have a wedding he's probably not going to be as into the planning process as you will be. What I mean by that is a lot of planning I'm doing a my fiance doesn't have much interest because if he had his way we would just go to the courthouse. So just mentally be prepared for that. Now you have already booked everything and as others have said you would cause a lot of backlash if you were to uninvite people and that is a down side to you sending save the dates early. When I can suggest is if you have not fully paid for some of your vendors maybe you look for more affordable ones? Are you really set on the venue that you currently have? If you are that is fine but why don't you maybe do an earlier day wedding and look at a cheaper reception option so you can save some money there. I would suggest you should have the wedding that you want so you don't look back with regret or resent your fiance and family but I would look at where can you cut back on corners. Maybe the happy medium also is since your dad was willing to pay for that part of the wedding why can't he give you some of the money to put towards a future. I'm really going to encourage you to meet him halfway because it sounds to me like the original plan was no more than 100 and somehow your wedding went to 160 people so I feel like you should give him a little bit of something so he feels like this is also his day and not just your day. I am not saying every bride shouldn't have their special day but I guess maybe because I'm older I also don't see the purpose of throwing away tens of thousands of dollars for just one day when your future house or money towards a nice honeymoon or money towards future kids could be much more beneficial. I think you should give in half way and just cut back on maybe some of the frivolous things that you don't need.

Girl I know how you feel. You can have a small Gathering with Friends and Family but of course have your Wedding. We are Enloping with just close Friends and Family. We have 25 our Wedding it self is just $1,500 and then we are going to the mill house for our Reception which was only $ 400.
So there are ways to save just depends on which you rather have. We are having our dinner catered from Golden Corral to serve 25 Guest that was only 412.00
Good Luck Girl. I wish you the best.

Hey date twin!! First off I just need to say that this is a horrible situation that your in-laws have put you in... who does this? Anyway, money comes and goes, but imo you will always regret not having your dream wedding. FH and I have already discussed how the cost of our wedding could pay off my credit card debt (no judgment plz lol) but I can pay that off as I have been. I have dreamt of my wedding my whole life, and I would not give it up for a lump sum of cash offered AFTER the fact. It is incredibly rude to disinvite people after you sent a STD. Also a bit confused on if your parents can pay, why can’t the in-laws still provide the money? Is their issue the wedding in general? Stand you ground, explain to your FH how important this day is to you, and that you will regret not doing it. You don’t want to resent him, or his family, for making you give up your wedding. You’ll also lose all those deposits, keep that in mind. I wish you luck with this, keep us posted on how things go!

If you’ve already booked all of these vendors, do you know that you won’t already be on the line for the big wedding? I’m also confused about why your in-laws will pay you not to have a wedding if they aren’t the ones paying for the wedding in the first place. But putting that aside, I think you owe it to yourself to have the fight. I know how excited I am for my wedding and I wouldn’t trade it for a lump sum. You’re going to be a team for life, so hopefully you’ll be able to work through this in a way you both feel good about. Good luck to you!

Have your wedding! My grandparents offered us the same deal... they were going to give us x amount of money regardless and we could spend it on a wedding or keep it for other things. We spent all of it (and more, from our own money lol) on our wedding and it was worth every penny.


Eloping is fine for some people but if you’re the type of person who has wanted a wedding (which, I imagine you are, since you planned it already...) I think you’ll regret eloping. You can always make more money. You can’t redo your wedding.