Changing plans when invitations went out.

I think you're in dangerous territory here. I totally get where you're coming from just wanting to elope, but are invitations already sent really? It's only mid July and you said the wedding is January? If you've already sent invitations, speak with your family and get their thoughts. It's kind of hard to just invite everyone then just say oh wait, nevermind we are going to elope instead.

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Yes invitations went out because everyone kept asking me on details to get ahead on the flights, hotels, plans etc. since everyone will be flying in from different states. We also did not do save the dates to save money. ps. your comment on dangerous territory was reassuring as to what my brain was thinking.

View Quoted Comment I mean, realistically y’all could do it because it’s supposed to be about you. But, now everyone is excited and expecting to be there

I agree with Courtney to discuss it with your families because we can’t tell you how they will react. My mother would be absolutely devastated and I would never hear the end of it. I think not being invited to our elopement at all would be fine with most of our family, but to be invited and then disinvited would definitely push some buttons. I understand how you’re feeling, I initially said I wanted a max of 35 including us and now it’s around 65. When I’ve felt stressed or family has caused drama I’ve thought about how much more simple it would probably be to elope. Is there something specific that’s bothering you? Is there something you want that you think you can’t have with family there? Good luck!

If you want to elope, do it. If anyone has any non refundable things, you should offer to pay for them. But it sounds like maybe only one fee to cancel a reservation, not much. It is always, always a mistake to issue actual invitations so early. So be very polite, and humble, and apologize for having upset them if you have done so. But do not hold this wedding if it will make you unhappy. It is not a necessary thing. You will be just as married if you actually elope, go off by yourselves and marry. You do not owe it to anyone else to have them present. You only owe a sincere apology for making them change their plans, and more than 5 months is plenty of notice. Do it now. Say you will be married at some future date, privately. And say no more until after the deed is done. . . Have a happy marriage, that is the part that matters. 🙂. Anyone who holds a grudge is doing so out of a sense of their own self importance, not any proof of love for you. If they actually love you, they will accept it.

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I guess the fact that it is turning into more of my family and friends going versus my fiancé and I's. I feel like this is turning into my wedding versus our wedding.

Out of the 9 he invited, only his sister and his brother in law are going. He doesn't care to invite anyone else, since his dad and his younger sister can't make it (his mom passed away). I feel guilty or it feels almost unfair that I will have my 4 siblings, parents, and my friends going.

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I am on the phone with my mom, she has said this along these lines. She is on board with just us leaving, tomorrow for all she cares. She just wants me to be happy and stress free. My parents got married at a courthouse, and invited everyone to dinner the following weekend - so she understands my anxiety.

View Quoted Comment I get that, my FH has a much bigger family than I do as an only child and he’s much more sociable than I. You should have the day that makes both of you happy. I try to focus on the fact that we are joining two families, that his family is my family too and his friends have already welcomed me into their circle. If you would both be happier eloping just the two of you, you don’t want to look back with regret. Be honest with everyone about how you feel, apologize, and let them know you’re excited to celebrate with them when you get back. I hope your family and friends won’t give you too much grief about it.

View Quoted Comment That how my fiancé feels about it - he doesn’t really care that his family can’t make it as much as I care. I’m a very emotional person so I put myself in his feet and I feel like I would be like I would be very upset.

What if you all eloped before your guest arrive (without them knowing) and then just have the reception celebration at the scheduled time? Then you aren't uninviting or hurting feelings, but it's more of a compromise.

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That's a little too deceptive. If I had booked flights and hotels only to find out when I got there that I wasn't part of the ceremony, I would be ticked. I would rather you uninvite me and tell me you decided to elope. Since its so few people and no one has booked flights yet, I would just contact them individually and tell them you've changed your plans.

Thanks everyone!! After my hot mess express break down, everything is fine and going to go as planned. Our event coordinator for our elopement talked me off the ledge. Until next time everyone 😂! Gosh January cannot come fast enough.

If you want to elope alone, you'll have to call each invited person individually and apologize and alert them of the change of plans. And pray the one person can get a FULL refund for their airbnb. I would plan on people being mad & hurt.

I'm pretty sure I've said or thought about eloping before we ever got engaged.
We should have eloped in Florida a month before we got engaged.
In the end, my body robbed my parents of being grandparents, so I guess I'll just do the dang thing.
I'm gonna make someone mad somehow. So whatever.