Changing Maid of Honour

Demoting someone for no reason isn't polite, and is likely to end up in hurt feelings. This isn't her job, and she doesn't owe it to you to help. The MOH is to honour someone who has been important and supportive in your life. It would be really crappy to change it now.

Thanks Jacks, I agree! I might have to go with two MOH and call it day.

There’s no way to do it without hurting feelings, sorry. Is your sister’s wedding first? You could have a matron and maid of honor. But would have two MOH over demoting your best friend!

I would make them co-MOH. There is no polite way to "demote" your best friend, nor is it necessary for this to have anything to do with the level of involvement each person has. It's an honor, not a job.

Demoting someone can be a friendship-ending move. Instead, I would make them co-MOH or have a MOH and matron of honor

Asking someone to step down in any capacity will end the friendship. There are many posts in the search bar describing this exact situation and it never ends well. Don’t do this to your best friend.


What exactly at your expectations that you don’t feel she is able to do? Because the only responsibility she has is to purchase a dress (and accessories including jewelry) and show up to support you at the rehearsal and wedding day. Everything else is optional. What do you mean by “be more involved”? Because the above listed still applies. For regular guests, “being involved” means that they are invited over other people you are not close to in order to attend your wedding. Guests don’t need or want jobs beyond that and it’s not an honor to make them work.

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There is no responsibility to purchase jewelry. Accessories are a personal choice.

View Quoted Comment I think co-MOHs is the perfect way to go!

Asking your friend to be a bridesmaid instead would incredibly hurtful. I would not do that and if you do I wouldn't be surprised if it forever changes the relationship. I do find it interesting hat you are going from not asking your sister to be in your bridal party at all to MOH. I think I d keep your friend as MOH and ask your sister to be a bridesmaid. Best of luck to you!

It's a delicate situation, but open communication is key. Have an honest conversation with your best friend, explaining the change in dynamics and your sister's increased involvement. Acknowledge her importance and express gratitude. Most understanding friends would appreciate your honesty and still be honored to be part of your wedding.