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Samantha
Just Said Yes June 2023

Changing Last Name With Kids Who Will Have Different Last Name

Samantha, on August 10, 2022 at 9:13 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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Hey everyone!
My ex is not involved at all in my son's life. My son has my last name. Im due to get married next summer and I am having an internal battle. My last name is very unique and I am the only one with a boy to carry on that last name. On the other side of it, I really do want to take my FH last name but do not want a different name than my son has. We have discussed possibly having a child together who would definitely have my FH last name. If I keep my maiden name, my last name would be different than that future child. My FH is planning to adopt my son after marriage but we are not forcing my son to change his name 1) because I want my family's last name to continue on. 2) because my son has trouble with spelling and writing so changing his last name may be difficult in that regard. 3) I am leaving it up to him because I want him to be comfortable. I really do not want to hyphenate mine or my son's last name either.


So I guess I am asking a few different things here...1) have any of you had experience with this?2) if you have a different last name than your kids, what issues have you run into?3) if you chose to keep your maiden name, do you regret anything?4) if your child changed their last name, was it a difficult transition?

9 Comments

Latest activity by Angie, on August 14, 2022 at 6:23 PM
  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    While I do not have children, the name change process has been a headache for me so far. There is no rush to change it immediately after you get married. As long as you have a valid marriage license, you can change your name at any time!

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I had a different last name from my mom starting from the time of her 2nd marriage when I was 7. She had a kid with my stepdad, so they three (mom, step-dad, half brother) shared a last name, while mine was different. This didn't cause any problems with school/records/paperwork or anything, and this was long before divorce was as common as it is now.

    I understand you are torn, but make the decision that feels the best to you, without worrying about logistics. Either decision will work out just fine.

    • Reply
  • Paige
    Rockstar October 2022
    Paige ·
    • Flag

    That's similar to my fiancé's scenario. He was born with his biological father's last name, his parents divorced, his mom remarried and took his step-dad's last name, and my fiancé kept his biological dad's last name (despite bio dad not being in the picture after the divorce). When we started dating he was considering changing his last name to his mom's maiden name, but ultimately just kept his. Not sure how old your child is, but I think the best move would be to sit down and discuss what he wants to do. He may want to hang onto his last name, or he may want to change to your new husband's last name. Regardless, I think you should go ahead with whatever you want to do independent of your son's choice.

    • Reply
  • G
    Dedicated September 2023
    Grace ·
    • Flag

    I've heard that having a name that differs from your child's can make things difficult, requiring papers for proof of parenthood for things that you normally wouldn't need it. With that, my mom had children in two different marriages, so we had different names. She hyphenated her last name, so she can both names of her kids. I think that would be the easiest option. I know not everyone likes hyphenating names, but it would also be a nice way for your son to know that you're still connected to him, no matter what.

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  • Bridget
    Devoted September 2022
    Bridget ·
    • Flag

    Also no kids here but grew up with a different name to my mum and the rest of the family I lived with (after her second marriage).

    It made no difference to me emotionally and actually my mum did give me the option to change my name (which I declined).

    There were occasional issues when we travelled with officials being concerned that I didn't share the same surname as the others. I would think that this is much less of an issue these days with many people having children un-married or not taking partner's names etc.

    I do also know some people that chose to take the step dad's name and that didn't seem to create any issues either (except possibly with the bio father but clearly that isn't going to be an issue for you here).

    I'm sure that as long as you include him in your decisions he will be comfortable with whatever you guys choose together.

    • Reply
  • Rabreena
    Devoted October 2021
    Rabreena ·
    • Flag

    1) have any of you had experience with this?

    I have a son, age 9, from a previous marriage, he and I use to share the same last name (of his father). At first he was a bit upset that we were no longer going to share the same last name, but I made sure I set aside time in order to discuss his feelings and thoughts about me changing my last name in which he expressed in the best way he could and also I explained to him as to why I planned on changing mine. He is very understanding as to why I have and is excited for when he will have siblings (as he has been asking me for years, even putting it on his birthday and christmas wish lists).

    2) if you have a different last name than your kids, what issues have you run into?

    My current last name is White and my son's last name is Vass, as of now I have not had any issues or have it been questioned in regards to my last name being different than his.

    4) if your child changed their last name, was it a difficult transition?

    Now my son has expressed the potential want to change his last name once he gets old enough, he stated that he feels as though my husband is more of a Dad to him than his actual father because they spend more time together. As I let him know that is a decision for him to make and that is not my right to do for him. My husband has expressed about how honored he would be if my son did decide to change his last name, but of course does not expect him to.

    • Reply
  • Ashlee
    Rockstar September 2022
    Ashlee ·
    • Flag

    This is my situation as well, however my last name is not unique at all. My son is 15 and my FH is not adopting him, so he's going to keep my maiden name. I'm going to change my name, but I discussed it with my son to make sure he didn't mind that his last name would be different.

    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    If this were my situation I would hyphenate or double last name any future child you have with your FH. Your name and sons name stay the same.

    • Reply
  • A
    Just Said Yes May 2023
    Angie ·
    • Flag

    I am going thru this dilemma myself, only my children are grown. I am going to be 52 when we wed, and this is my second marriage. I took my first husband's name then had a son with him... 5 years later, I had another son by another man who was absent completely from son#2's life before divorce was final... and so to keep things simple, and to keep all of us a family unit, I kept my married name for my son's sake, even after divorced... So...Now that I am remarrying, I have decided I will take new husband's name even though my youngest son is going to possibly feel that this is the wrong thing to do... He is 22 currently and I'm probably overthinking it..

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