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Just Said Yes May 2018

Ceremony space is smaller than reception space- how to make it clear what guests are invited to

Jessica, on December 28, 2017 at 6:13 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 31

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So we are having our ceremony and reception at the same location, as it's free to use the ceremony space with the ballroom rental. The space is gorgeous, connected to ballroom space but very small, around 125 close family and friends travelling from out of state. We plan to invite about 300 to the reception in total, with about 200-250 actually coming as many are out of state. My fiance thinks this won't be a problem at all and in fact is convinced that no one even wants to or will plan to go to the ceremony, just dinner and dancing. However, I'm terrified of offending people, especially since it is in the same location. Is this a normal thing to do and if so, how do I make it clear on the invites without being rude? Timeline would be ceremony 2 pm, cocktail hour 5pm, dinner at 6.

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31 Comments

Latest activity by An, on December 29, 2017 at 10:28 AM

Master May 2017
JerseyGirl · on December 28, 2017 at 6:17 PM
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If 125 people are going to the ceremony then 125 people should be going to the reception. I would be offended if I was told to bring a gift and come party but I can’t see the ceremony. I didn’t make the cut. Is there another ceremony location at the venue? Can you have the ceremony in the ballroom?
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Expert September 2018
Nicole · on December 28, 2017 at 6:19 PM
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You are doing several rude things.
1) Unless your ceremony is incredibly intimate (parents and siblings) what you are doing is considered a tiered wedding. That is a very bad, very rude idea.
2) If your ceremony is at 2 and your reception doesn't start until 5, what are your guests doing in between? Not hosting from the beginning to the end of your wedding is incredibly rude when it provides a gap your guests have to fill. This is especially rude when you add in the fact that all the guests you mention are coming to your ceremony are from out of town. What are they supposed to do in a strange city for three hours?
You have several options:
1) Cut your guest list so everyone can attend your ceremony
2) Find a new ceremony space that fits everyone you are inviting to the reception
3) Use the ballroom for both your ceremony and reception. Have it flipped during cocktail hour
4) Have your ceremony be only immediate family and have a larger reception
If you continue with your current plan you run the risk of being incredibly rude to your guests.
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on December 28, 2017 at 6:21 PM
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How do you do this? Short answer? You don't. That would be incredibly rude.
The only way you can invite guests to the reception who are also not invited to the ceremony, is if the ceremony is truly intimate- immediate family only.
You have two choices: invite only the number of guests you can comfortably seat for the ceremony, or find another venue.
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Master May 2017
JerseyGirl · on December 28, 2017 at 6:23 PM
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Oooh! I missed the timeline issue. Very good point. What are your guests doing between ceremony end and cocktail hour. Cocktail hour should start when ceremony ends.
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on December 28, 2017 at 6:24 PM
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Yes to all of this!
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Expert October 2017
Joanna · on December 28, 2017 at 6:24 PM
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Are you having a 3 hour ceremony? If not, what are your guests supposed to do between the ceremony and cocktail hour since they are already there? You may need to adjust your timeline a bit.

If your ceremony will be average length (15-30 min), maybe consider moving the ceremony to the ballroom and starting it at 4:30 so there isn't a huge gap between ceremony and cocktail hour and so that all 200+ of your guests can be there. If you are dead set on using the designated ceremony space, then you should cut your guest list back to 125 people for both the ceremony and reception.

Tiered invites are considered rude.
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Expert October 2015
Rachel Langerhans · on December 28, 2017 at 6:25 PM
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Your instincts are correct - this is a tiered wedding and it would be rude to do that. Invite as many as you want that you can host at both the ceremony AND reception (unless like others said, you have *just* immediate family at the ceremony).
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Expert June 2018
Adrianna · on December 28, 2017 at 6:26 PM
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It isn't rude, it's you and your fiancé's wedding! On the invites to the people invited to the reception only, simply request their presence at your celebration of your union.
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Expert September 2018
Nicole · on December 28, 2017 at 6:27 PM
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You can still be rude on your wedding day. In fact people seem to make a habit of it.
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Devoted June 2018
OliviaP · on December 28, 2017 at 6:33 PM
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Their presence or presents?
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Master May 2017
JerseyGirl · on December 28, 2017 at 6:33 PM
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No...just no. It is extremely rude! You aren’t important enough to witness one of the most important events of our life but bring us a gift and celebrate with us.
OP- please don’t follow this advice.
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on December 28, 2017 at 6:37 PM
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Consider doing some research before you give misinformation.
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Master July 2017
A. L. · on December 28, 2017 at 6:44 PM
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No good way to do this. If your ceremony fits 125, that's your max for the reception.
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Master May 2018
Forestwed · on December 28, 2017 at 6:51 PM
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Why is there such a long gap between ceremony and reception? It doesn’t make sense.
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Devoted August 2018
Laura · on December 28, 2017 at 6:59 PM
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Well as everyone, except Adriana, noted there is no way to do this they way you suggested without being rude. Is there any other space on the venue to host the ceremony, maybe a lawn?? So you can accommodate all 300+? You should not invite guests to a reception and not the ceremony.

Others have addressed the timeline issue, so I’ll skip that. But another thing you may want to consider is that hosting 300 is a big and expensive ordeal. You may want to consider reducing the guest list size, which may also alleviate your space issue.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on December 28, 2017 at 7:00 PM
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All of this.
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Super May 2018
Kristin · on December 28, 2017 at 7:02 PM
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Agree with everything Nicole said. The only weddings I've been to with a gap between the ceremony and reception were when the ceremony was at a different location. I don't see how this would be possible if it's the same place and as a guest I would find it incredibly confusing/annoying. Do I sit around for 2+ hours or have to leave and come back?

At this point can you look for a different ceremony space that can accommodate everyone or as other posters have said, have the ceremony in the reception space?
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Expert June 2018
Adrianna · on December 28, 2017 at 8:36 PM
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People should plan their wedding exactly how they want... you can't make everyone happy. 🙂
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VIP September 2018
Leelee · on December 28, 2017 at 8:40 PM
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Correction: People should plan their elopement exactly how they want.

Once you invite one guest, it is not about you anymore. The reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your marriage. What kind of people don’t care about the comfort and happiness of their guests? I hate the “me, me, me, it’s MY day attitude”. It’s gross.
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Master March 2018
Orchids · on December 28, 2017 at 8:47 PM
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For my first wedding we did the ceremony with parents, grandparents and siblings ONLY followed by a large reception. That's how you pull this off.
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