Ceremony & Reception vs Elopement

Unfortunately I don't know if there's really a compromise since you already have a very small guest list. It sounds like he only wants it to just be the two of you which isn't fair to you since that's not what you want. I'm wondering if a first look might help relieve some of his nerves because he will have already seen you so that would take some pressure off. Obviously that doesn't solve the fact that your family and friends will be witnessing the ceremony but it's something.

Would he be open to only your parents witnessing the ceremony, then celebrating with everyone? Or maybe only the 2 of you could be inside the courthouse, but livestream the ceremony with family and friends (so they will witness your vows virtually), then celebrate with them after?

If neither of those options sound appealing to you, I think your fiance will need to bite the bullet and face his fears of "being in the limelight". Only 30 of your closest friends and family members isn't that many people, and is a great compromise. Plus everyone says they forget anyone else is there once the ceremony starts.

This is your wedding. It's very important. A big deal. Once in a lifetime. If you want friends and family then there is no compromise. You already want a small wedding. He needs to realize this is important to you. Elopements are beautiful too but only if it's what both people want. It sounds like you don't. You're not asking for a massive wedding with over 100 people. Your request for a small wedding sounds super reasonable to me. Don't let him guilt you out of it.

Maybe you two could say private vows, in a first look or even after a simple ceremony with just immediate family. My husband and I wrote private vows that we said during our first look, because neither of us wanted to say a lot during the ceremony with all of that attention on us. It was super intimate and we were still able to say the basic I do vows with our guests watching.