Ceremony Program - Parents’ names conundrum

Hi all!


I have a bit of a conundrum regarding a ceremony program and our parents names. My mom passed away about 10 years ago and my dad remarried 2 years ago (I was 27) at the time. I don’t view my dads wife as a step mother since I have been completely out of the house since 21. My dads wife is not the most understanding or empathetic of our situation and tends to make situations about her. For example, she went off crying at my sisters wedding for at least an hour because she was upset she wasn’t in the ceremony. Guests at our engagement party were telling her congratulations (I know some guests aren’t aware of the situation but it made me very uncomfortable that she didn’t even correct people). I am doing my best to accommodate her feelings and including her as much as I am comfortable (center piece shopping and thank you gift assembly. She threw a fit that I didn’t include her in the dress shopping) but I don’t like the idea of having her name on the program because she has barely been there for me. As far as honoring my mom goes, I don’t like the idea of including {late} in front of her name because it feels depressing and I don’t necessarily want a note of death in our programs or invites. I do plan to have an empty chair for her with a white rose for the ceremony and then will leave a glass of wine with a candle and rose at the bar for the reception.
My fiancé’s parents really want to have their moment. This is their only child and they’ve been waiting for this day since he was born. So of course they want to have their names on everything. And I do feel bad not wanting to honor their wishes. But I don’t know how to do this without upsetting someone and making me uncomfortable. For our invites, I said “together with their families” to avoid the drama. They will walk him down the aisle for the ceremony and will both be announced in the reception, his dad for his speech and his mom for her dance with her son. I’ve heard of people having the DJ announce parents names during the reception where they can just stand from their seats. I think I would be comfortable doing this for his parents and just my dad.
Would you include names at all on a program? Should I have my moms name? Should I call my dads wife my step mother? We are doing an orthodox ceremony so I really just wanted an explanation of what’s happening for non-Greek guests, not an actual program with everyone’s names. I’m also afraid if I have my mom and dad’s names, people will go up to my dads wife and call her by my moms name, which would also be a recipe for disaster.
Please help!! Thanks in advance!