Ceremony problems! Catholic vs baptist!

We just did this. Get married in the Catholic Church and have a deacon do it. Ours was very laid back and only took 30 min. No full mass. Our deacon said the vow of raising children in the Christian faith instead of Catholic.

Go with Melanie's idea. That way both of your faiths are incorporated. Plus a 30 minute wedding is good in my book, Catholic weddings with the full mass and everything are SO LONG. Obviously, it is an important part of your life, but when I go to a Catholic wedding I feel like it is more of a church service than a wedding.

Not to mention we were invited to a Catholic wedding on a 97 degree day with no AC. I had to skip the wedding because I get extreme heat sickness and wasn't going to risk it. Good thing I didn't because the ceremony was over a freaking hour!

Sorry, not meaning to sounds harsh against the Catholic faith. I'm an avid Christian, I just prefer a Christian, or non religious wedding for timing reasons. To me, they don't seem to focus on the couple, whereas a Christian service is about man, wife, and God. Just my two cents....sorry if it's harsh or sounds rude!

My parents were Catholic and Baptist too and married in the Catholic Church. My mom wouldn't have married outside the Church and my dad respected that. The bigger question is what religion you two will follow as a married couple and how you'll raise any potential kids.

I also agree with Melanie. Have the ceremony in the Catholic church, but don't have a full Mass. You're basically only leaving out communion.

I agree with Rebecca on figuring out how you want to raise your potential children. we decided on Catholic ceremony because we plan on having our children attend Catholic school and they would need to be baptized, which means we needed a Catholic wedding. If you don't plan on doing that then just do a Christian ceremony.

I just think you both need to decide what's important to each of you before being able to come to a resolution/compromise on your ceremony. If it's important to incorporate both faiths, then a Catholic ceremony without the mass seems like a great option.

We had this same issue come up. The wedding is in my hometown and it was important for me to be married in the Catholic church by the priest who has done my baptism, first communion and confirmation. FH isn't super religious at all and at first after we met with the coordinator at the wedding he did not want to get married there. When we met with the priest he saw how great of a guy he was and wanted him to marry us. It also helped going in early for church one week when it was mostly empty and walking down the aisle like we would be doing on our wedding day. This gave me the most stress trying to convince him of it's importance to me. If you've always wanted to get married in a Cathoic church and he never cared one way or another I think you should get married in the church. We aren't having a mass so it will be around 30-40 minutes.

Take a deep breath, it'll be ok.

Like a lot of the posters above, for mine we got married in the Catholic church where I was raised, a priest led our service, and we did Catholic pre-wedding counseling/preparation, but we did not have a full mass or touches like unity candles or Mary offerings because DH and his fam are Anglican. We still had church-y music and Biblical readings, but it was quick and kept things very very inclusive for my non-Catholic DH and his family.

Can you tell us any more about what you and he cannot compromise on exactly? What does your FH want? Is he against getting married in a Catholic church, or in a church at all?

ETA for clarity

What do you want? What does he want?

If you can't compromise on this (and this is a big one), it doesn't bode well for other compromises down the line.....

@Melanie - I'm surprised that you found a Catholic church that allowed a Baptist deacon to perform the wedding. I have never heard of that before.

DH is Catholic and I was raised Baptist. Theologically, there are similarities because both denominations are very conservative when it comes to scripture; however, traditions differ quite a bit. We chose to marry in a non-denominational chapel with my family pastor officiating the ceremony (him and his family have been dear family friends for over 20 years). The key is that I discussed with DH what he wanted and the portions of the ceremony that were more 'Baptist' I ran past him to make sure he was comfortable.

I cannot encourage you enough to reflect on Celia's advice. This is a critical issue that you need to come to terms with as a couple.

@Rebecca id like to hear more about your parents story. Did your dad end up converting? My fiancé isn't opposed to having a Catholic wedding but is 90% opposed to it.

He did, but many years later. His personal beliefs are still kind of a mix of Catholic and Protestant. They bounced around for a while after marriage - sometimes going to a Baptist church, sometimes nondenominational, sometimes Catholic, sometimes two services in one day. They moved back to my dad's hometown and bought a house behind a Catholic church and became members there and he eventually converted there, and they're still very loyal to that particular parish.

They're not very open about those early days - to be honest, the impression I've always had was that it was difficult for them to navigate that early on. My mom is pretty devout and has expressed some regrets about having periods of time where she didn't go to Mass. But, they've been married 44 years, so they must be doing something right! I do think it's important for you and your fiance to figure these things out now. It would probably be helpful to go to a premarital counselor who is not affiliated with either group who can help you two communicate about it and come to decisions about the big issues before you get married.

Um, this isn't about the ceremony. This is about your individual religions. Have you really not discussed this?

Also OKD, I think Melanie is having a Catholic deacon perform, not a Baptist deacon.

@MrsMeyerstoBe: I think you meant you prefer Protestant weddings or non-religious weddings. Catholic weddings are Christian weddings. Catholics are Christians.

I'm baptist and my fiance is catholic. We are not doing a church because its unfair. So we are having a outside ceremony with my family friend officiant. But if you don't have a friend in mind to do your ceremony, I would say go to a nondenom.

We got married outside, by a non-denominational officiant who completely customized our ceremony (it was still a pretty traditional, religious ceremony).

I'm more concerned that if you can't even compromise on your ceremony or where you will get married, how will you figure out how you will raise your children or even just celebrate holidays?

Also, please change your avatar to something other than the rings! (the avatar is not the same as the background pic on the app). The generic rings are associated with spam/trolls, so this will help you get more responses to your posts and it also makes the threads easier to read. Here's how: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/welcome-new-users-faq-lingo-and-guidelines/736e1073af1a0860.html

I agree with Rebecca's advice. I think it would be helpful for you and your FH to discuss what your religious lives will look like after your marriage. Will you attend separate churches, pick your church or his church, or pick a third church that is neither Baptist or Catholic that you both like? In what faith do you plan to raise your children? Catholic, Baptist, both (alternating week to week between his church or your church), or at a new church that you've picked together? I think there are many valid decisions among these options, but I think coming to a conclusion about the role faith will play in your marriage will help you both determine what kind of wedding is best for you.

FH is Catholic and I'm Baptist. We are having a civil ceremony. It's just easier that way.

I am a marriage counselor. When I see a couple with a 'big issue' they're having trouble compromising on, I have each take a blank piece of paper and make two concentric circles on it. In the smaller circle, each person writes what he or she *won't* compromise on. In the outer circle, each person writes what he or she *will* compromise on. Most couples find that their 'will compromise' lists are much longer than they expected, and that the 'won't compromise' is not mutually exclusive. Usually it turns out one or both parties just dug in his or her heels and started refusing compromise out of hand.