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Kiana
Just Said Yes September 2020

Ceremony only wedding.

Kiana, on January 2, 2020 at 12:06 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 42

My fiancé and I have decided we are going to do a ceremony only wedding. We’re doing a complete DIY wedding in a state forest. However I’m at a loss for words for the invites. We’re mainly inviting family, no more than 30 people total. Doing a Friday evening wedding(with a bond fire) and leaving...
My fiancé and I have decided we are going to do a ceremony only wedding. We’re doing a complete DIY wedding in a state forest. However I’m at a loss for words for the invites. We’re mainly inviting family, no more than 30 people total. Doing a Friday evening wedding(with a bond fire) and leaving early Saturday morning for our cruise. We thought maybe including something on the invites about money towards shore excursions instead of wedding gifts? Is suggesting money as a gift and then not offering dinner wrong? Obviously we’re going to have some food and drinks but not a sit down meal. Neither one of us have the desire for an over the top wedding (would rather put the money towards our cruise).

42 Comments

  • Jill
    Jill ·
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    Exactly this! If I traveled from out of town for a wedding, I expect to be hosted properly. If your not going to feed me, any money that would have been a gift is now going to take me out to dinner.

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  • Lisa
    Dedicated July 2020
    Lisa ·
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    I'm doing a ceremony only the day of as well. The weekend after I'm doing a celebratory reception.
    The day of we are either going out to eat or doing a picnic. Mine is also going to be family and close people only, which means all this wedding "must do this or that" crap that wedding wire feeds into isn't quite as necessary with our type of wedding. Do it how you want to do it, it is your day.
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  • Jill
    Jill ·
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    Are there people traveling for your wedding? If I were invited to both events and had to travel, I'm picking one of the other.

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  • Cherry
    Expert February 2020
    Cherry ·
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    I think, as others said, you shouldn't put anything about gifts on the invite, but do put the time and date, and then mention that very light refreshments will be served after. This way they won't think there's a full meal, and they can plan accordingly (i.e. eat beforehand, or plan to go somewhere to eat after).


    Most people know, if you don't have a registry, that money is preferred and they will either get the hint or they won't. We didn't even put a registry on our website. If people want to bring money, they can, and if they don't, we don't care.


    As for ideas on food, since you're having a bonfire, and you want to keep it simple anyway, why don't you do hot dogs and marshmallows to roast over the fire? Or even some little veggie skewers? Provide a tray or two of fruit and cheese and you've got some nice crudité.


    Easy and crowd pleasing. Smiley heart

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  • Lisa
    Dedicated July 2020
    Lisa ·
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    At most, people are traveling an hour. They can choose one or the other if they want to, I'm not bothered by that. My ceremony will have about 15 people.
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  • Jill
    Jill ·
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    If travel is only an hour, then I would most likely do both. You are at least doing a reception the following week. It also sounds like your planning to feed your guests right after your ceremony. I have a problem with people who want their guests to spend all this money and time to attend their wedding and to give them a gift but refuse to spend any money hosting their guests properly. I would even be okay with a cake and punch reception ( I have a huge sweet tooth) but to offer nothing and then expect cash gifts to fund their honeymoon - hell no!

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  • Kiana
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Kiana ·
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    Nope! No traveling required. We’re all pretty close
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  • Kiana
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Kiana ·
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    And I did state before multiple times, I will be serving something afterwards (cheese tray, fruit, s’mores etc) but not a full sit down meal. But everyone has seemed to over look that and jump right too me wanting money. When in reality I only would think of putting that in the invite for my grandmother who is 30/35 minutes away and can not remember anything that happened an hour prior. The wedding is not for anyone other than my parents, his parents, grandmother, my brother and sisters, along with our children. As far as everyone believing I’m grabbing at money just to fund the honeymoon, they are completely over stepping. As rude as it may seem to suggest a gift/money on the invite, none of you know my family and or how we communicate. Everyone may think it is poor etiquette to suggest or comment on a gift or money on an invite and I would 100% agree, IF my invites were going out to hundreds of people, that weren’t family or my ONE extremely close friend. However, my mother and his mother are so close they’re not even getting a paper invite. My father and grandmother who live 30 minutes away are getting paper invites, (one) because of my grandmothers memory loss and (two) because my father works 6 days a week and we barely talk because of our hectic schedules. Poor etiquette or not, this is how MY FAMILY works.
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  • M
    Devoted September 2019
    Meaghan ·
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    As someone who works with the elderly, I am horrified that you are thinking of taking money from your grandmother who you state is so confused she cannot recall what happened an hour before. I would never, ever take money from someone who was cognitively unable to make financial decisions.
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  • Kiana
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Kiana ·
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    I respect your concern, however my grandmother is taken care very well by my uncle, WHO LIVES WITH HER. It is not that she has no control over her finances or that I plan on taking money from her. AGAIN, this is my family and I’m well aware of how my family works, also because she has told me multiple times she would like to give us money towards our wedding or honeymoon and wants to do as much as she can to help. As horrified as you may be, keep in mind I’m not going to her house and taking money out of her purse without her knowledge. That was how I was keeping her reminded of what we’ve previously talked about so SHE felt a little less dependent on my uncle and I to keep reminding her, because as you should know with your profession that forgetting/not being able to recall is often upsetting for them.
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  • Carrie
    Dedicated October 2019
    Carrie ·
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    We did a honeyfund.
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  • N
    Beginner August 2019
    Nancy ·
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    "none of you know my family and or how we communicate"


    So why are you asking for advice from strangers, who don't know you or your family? We're just suggesting what is normally considered socially acceptable.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    No, you are not advocating what everyone else thinks is socially acceptable. Read an etiquette book, watch a movie from before when movies got involved with promoting weddings. Read a real book. Family, small weddings as she has repeatedly described having, have always been entirely proper without serving meals, or even refreshments. There are a lot of people talking very much from a point of view that is entirely about the guest. This is a wedding. Gifts should be given because you care for the people, not factoring in how much was spent on, or the kind of party they threw. This is a milestone life ceremony. Anyone who does not see that as the most important thing, should not bother attending. It is not about whether or not drinks are served, or food. First and foremost, it is a couple getting married. If people decide to serve food, or have a reception, then they decide what is in their budget, and serve it. But in social manners, it has never been necessary to do every thing a guest may want, in order to celebrate a wedding . People talk of brideZillas. But lots of WW posts are from people who as guests are saying,. Give me what I as a guest would want, or I won't come. Or I will go out and get it myself, instead of a gift. That sounds very unpleasant and self centered, for a guest to advocate ignoring everything the couple wants, to structure a party just for guests to eat and drink . I would hate to have any friends or family so intent on what pleases themselves, that a couple doing what they want within the bounds of standard etiquette, gets looked down on, or called mean, or cheap and tacky. The manners you describe as a guest, not giving a gift to show you care, if you do not get what you want for party food and drink, is itself the only thing here that is WAY out of bounds of etiquette. Society generally disapproves of selfish thinking guests, who do not recognize the primary importance of a special occasion, and are all about gimme, gimme what I the guest want. It bothers me to even read such derision of what a very reasonable, well mannered bride is proposing, all of which is perfectly proper ettiquette , except asking about asking that gifts be for the honeymoon. Weddings without a general reception are fine. Private parties for family later are fine. Serving food only then is fine. If you credit any of the standard etiquette guides of the last 50 years, including now.
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  • Amy
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Amy ·
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    Ceremony only wedding. 1
    This is what we are doing
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  • Tanyia
    Expert February 2020
    Tanyia ·
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    Add that info to your wedding website. If you want to include registry info, you can add an insert to your invite, but don't put it on the invite. Try a honeymoon fund website registry as well.

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  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
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    "Read an etiquette book, watch a movie from before when movies got involved with promoting weddings. Read a real book. Family, small weddings as she has repeatedly described having, have always been entirely proper without serving meals, or even refreshments."


    Like, say, a book by Charles Dickens written in the mid-19th century in which there was always a wedding breakfast after the wedding if guests were invited. Almost two hundred years ago.


    If you invite guests, you offer them food, drink, and a chair.

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  • D
    Beginner February 2020
    Danielle ·
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    If you prefer money to presents, don't do a registry. Guests know that you don't need physical items if you aren't registered. Have someone in your wedding party or your parents spread the word that you would be thrilled to have funds for your honeymoon. Also with as small of a ceremony as you are doing I wouldn't be considered with catering. Snacks and drinks are a good idea. Sounds like close family and friends, so they should understand if you keep it simple.
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  • Gabbie
    Dedicated May 2021
    Gabbie ·
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    I asked about wedding ettiquette for not having a reception, and most people told me that i need to at least do a restuarant reception, or for you, since there will be food, i would say a cake and punch reception because its a thank you to the guests.
    When it comes to money over wedding gifts, i think most people would rather the money. Theres an app called zola. You can open your wedding registry on there and only add funds for honeymoon, or something like that, to your registry. Its the only one that ive seen this option available.
    It also allows you to make an overhead statement like, "welcome to our registry. By no means do you have to gift us anything, but everything is appreciated". This way, you dont have to outright mention money in your save the date, you can just leave a registry link. My FH and I are inviting guests to an "event" on fb, and sending the registry link there.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    In that time, only upper class people had wedding receptions and meals at all. Working folk, farmer's, and others most often the guests brought the food, in Dicken's time. Up through WWI, actually, and until the last 40 years, pot luck was a the most common thing in rural areas, except for people who had lots of money. But mention that as a favored option on WW, half the posrters would explode. Bit seriously, receptions have never been a requirement, nor refreshments after a ceremony. It is customary in many places, but not required. Check even the recent editions of Miss Manners, and others, going back. Often done. But a ceremony, religious or civil, and most often a small one primarily for family as the IP said,. may quite correctly stand alone, no food or drinks. A family gathering later is fine.
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  • Danielle
    Expert November 2020
    Danielle ·
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    I personally wouldn’t put anything about money on the invite maybe you could tell a family member to pass that by word of mouth?
    I love that you are getting married in forest I thought about doing that. So awesome!
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