Ceremony Now , Reception Later

The girls here tend to think everyone needs to know about the legalities of when you actually signed your license. I don't, and almost no one else cares.

But there needs to be a reason other than whim.

I'm having my ceremony and celebration 20 days apart. And that seemed long to me. Our reasoning is the very small number of guests permitted on board the cruise ship we are marrying on. Most people can't justify a drive to Baltimore for only an hour and a half ceremony and cocktails. So we are having the celebration after we return home from the honeymoon.

It's weird to do what you are describing.

But to answer your ACTUAL question, yes people have a ceremony and have receptions later. It's common with destination weddings. But you should be up front about the fact that you are having a celebration reception for your marriage. If you are going to do the whole ceremony over again, I find it really weird. Why wouldn't you just wait the 3 months. And you won't be able to get a marriage certificate in time. In NJ you have a 3 day waiting period. So you would need to get it TODAY.

I'm concerned that you're going along with this because your FH might not marry you if you don't get married when he wants to (AKA this weekend). He's excited about eloping, but you don't seem to be.

Also, a big sign of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. Eloping 90 days before your big wedding with no reason other than "I want to" sounds like a child's response.

I understand that you're both excited to be married, seeing how that is whole point of all this! However, there are a few obstacles such as PP mentioned and I wholeheartedly agree about the photographer issue.

Even though it'd be a small ceremony, they may not appreciate the surprise. the photographer needs to be in the know and aware of EVERYthing going on in order to do their best job.

Why wouldn't you want a small reception/family dinner afterwards to celebrate? are you planning on having the ceremony, do some pictures then go home and throw in some laundry and watch cartoons????

you are so close to your actual wedding date; you're in the home stretch. stick it out and go with the plan.

I think it's sort of gift grabby to do just a reception because you couldn't wait. it's sort of fun to wait. and by fun i mean a lot of different things

I like seeing the couple get married. It's a really special moment, especially if we are close. My feelings would be hurt to know if I was invited to a reception only because the couple decided they couldn't wait 3 months.

I wouldn't let the couple know I was upset of course.

I would just wait.

@frugal_gator : Honey , please stop trying to read more into it than it actually is . My FH not marrying me is the least of my concerns . It's not that I'm not excited , my only issue was finding a officiant in time . I'm far from a child and we are both very mature and established . So, please have a sit and come up with another observation ( concern).

For those that mentioned a marriage license please read my above comment my County only has a 24 hour waiting period . https://www.thewillcountyclerk.com/licensescertificates/marriage-licenses/

To whom it may concern : Doing this has nothing to do with gifts . Actually we wasn't even going to do a registry as we have a house full and don't need anything.

I have spoken to my photographer and she doesn't mind it . She actually got excited about the whole deal and started to shout ideas out to me.

Forget I even asked !

Just wait. If it was years away then maybe. It hard not to get excited and it's sweet that your FH is so giddy. But just tell him to be patient.

OP, you don't have a reason for getting married before your wedding other than "FH wants to." This is not a very good reason for complicating your relationships. If I found out my ______ (anyone who's invited to the wedding in June but not the elopement) got married and I wasn't invited, that would be extremely hurtful. If you lied to everyone initially, eventually others would find out and then they would be hurt. My brother eloped before his wedding and we are still feeling the consequences of it, 3 years later. Please don't do this.

Just because you don't feel like you're doing it for gifts doesn't mean your guests will see it that way.

I don't know why I'm wasting my breath (finger muscles?) on this one...

@PC, I'm kinda wondering that about myself too.

If you feel like you wasting your time replying , THEN STOP REPLYING ! Seriously I feel like I'm wasting my time reading your replies that has nothing to do with my question.

You guys are taking this way too seriously my relationship is wonderful and a ceremony date doesn't change that. The family and friends that I have mentioned it to so far has no problem with it . The other guest that would be invited to just " The Celebration " , i'm sure wouldn't be butt hurt because they didn't come to the ceremony. I was always told the ceremony was for the couple and the reception was for the guest .

If you are going to do that, I think it is courteous to tell your people that they will not be attending a ceremony, but marriage celebration like others have said. My cousin had a DW with only a handful of people traveling to Hawaii, and sent invites saying where and when the ceremony was happening, and that we were invited to the marriage celebration/reception whenever afterwards.

To answer your question, no I haven't seen this situation happen or heard of it unless it was a DW, or someone was sick and they wanted to include that person sooner.

To answer you question: Yes people do it. Generally it's a couple things: extenuating circumstances like deployment, sick parents/grandparent, insurance etc. Or their plan all along was an elopement or small ceremony because they wanted a wedding in Tuscany or on cruise ship or Vegas... places they dont expect or want their guests to spend thousands to travel too.

However, generally these type of weddings are the plan all along. I know you didn't ask but personally, to suddenly, 3 months before without extenuating circumstances, change you plans just seems a tad rude to guests. If you sent STDs, they were already sent and possibly invites sent already. Believe it or not, not everyone is going for free food. Most people coming genuinely want to see you get married. So it just seems selfish and rude to take that away on whim.

Seems kinda gift grabby to have it months later I mean what's the point of even having one if you are basically eloping? Either have it this weekend or skip it

@NowASeptMrs: No save the dates or invites has been sent out . We just booked the venue yesterday . We've been engaged since the holidays I just haven't had anytime to plan with being mommy , soccer games , ballet lessons , work and etc. We just starting getting into the planning these last few weeks .

Eh, most people don't care whether it's REALLY the wedding; most of them have no idea what's involved in the legalities anyway.

If they want to celebrate your union, they will; if not, they won't. The license doesn't make any difference.

So do what you want. You will anyway. Like most people who post here looking for validation but don't get the warm fuzzy hug they expected.

@Michele if you know that the reception is for the guests, then why didn't you expect to take those who come to the ceremony (whenever it is) out for dinner or provide a reception for them?