Ceremony ideas for non-religious couple with religious family

The best way to word the ceremony honestly depends on what denomination your FH's family is. There are some denominations where it's just as common to have a JOP/judge/non-minister officiate a wedding as it is to have a minister or such. On the other hand, if they belong to a denomination where marriages have to take place in a church, there is nothing that is going to ultimately please them outside of doing that and trying to placate them with ceremony wording you don't want probably won't even work. I would go with wording that you want and just avoid bringing up the ceremony to them beforehand. Hopefully they are mature enough to not complain on the day itself.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for this! You're right, wording is so important. Luckily they are not a denomination that requires a church ceremony. So I think to your point we could get away with an outdoor ceremony that doesn't ruffle many feathers. I think they may still be insistent with having a pastor officiate or working religious language into the ceremony. I like your idea to just not mention the ceremony to them. If we don't make a big deal about it then maybe they won't either?

I would just plan the ceremony the way you want. They don't need to know exact wording of the ceremony. My family is religious and I'm sure would've liked for us to have a ceremony at a church and officiated by a pastor but that's not what we wanted. It isn't up to his parents. If they ask just let them know you have everything handled. I wouldn't give them any extra details. I don't think your fiance should have to hide is beliefs from his family.

Have you chosen an officiant yet? If you choose a non-denominational officiant, they will have experience with creating non-religious scripts. They are really talented at creating scripts that are loving, heartfelt and even spiritual feeling in nature; without needing to quote scripture, etc.

I was in this position. Both of our families are religious (different religions!) and neither of us are. We had a non-denominational officiant and did not include any mention of "god", religion, bible verses, traditional Jewish customs, etc. We simply had a brief, lovely ceremony with words from poems or other sources. We welcomed both of our dads to give speeches and that was kind of their opportunity to throw out whatever prayer or words they wanted. Everyone seemed happy. What's most important is *we* were very happy with it and it felt true to us.

Unpopular opinion but a private ceremony/elopement with an after party on a separate day won’t erase or mend any differences in beliefs. The ceremony is for the couple and the reception to thank guests for attending the ceremony. Parents and other loved ones have either already gotten married or they will in the future so the plans that you make don’t affect them, nor are they allowed to judge you because that is overstepping boundaries. Learn how to set them and make sure they are upheld with your partner as a united team supporting each other. There needs to be consequences when people overstep and disrespect your boundaries. Say no, walk away, hang up the phone and don’t entertain their bullying.


If they don’t like your choice, they have the right to decline graciously. They need to learn how to respect beliefs and ideas not their own, including what you choose for your wedding and beyond. But do not cave to make someone else happy because you get one wedding to your partner, not a do over because someone else ruined it. If you don’t learn how to say no now , then after the wedding they will find other things to decide are “best” for you in their opinion that they don’t get to decide, including but not limited to where you live and work, where and when you spend holidays, how children are raised and so on.