Ceremony and Reception Only Invites

I Dont Think It Would Be Rude But Maybe You Could Invite Those 40 People To Watch The Ceremony Via Zoom So They Don't Feel Excluded

View Quoted Comment I think this is far worse than simply inviting them to only the reception. Come, see what you were missing, because we chose a venue without enough seats. Count on some people declining. Start by going through your list, and picking out everyone whom you have only seen at other people's homes and functions for 3 years, but who have not invited you to their home or to do something with you personally, and whom you have not had in your home or gone out with personally. We have huge families, too. But at some point you need to decide which people you see at family reunions, or when both of you go to some other person's events. And take them off the list except maybe a few where for a short time they were too far away, but now are close.
Think, if 6 of these people were renting a cottage in the area, would you visit them there, or at a nearby park or takeout place, or would you invite them to be your guests where it is $80-120 with tip for meals, and $30-40 for meals. You pay the full bill. If you don't like the idea of shelling out $110-$160 per person for their dinner, some SO you do not know, do you think they would invite you out and happily pay that for your dinner and drinks? If true of everyone on the list that you would happily pay, then you need a bigger venue with less expensive choices. If you would not be happy doing that, and they would not offer it to you, plus traveling and a gift, then take them off your list. It is one thing to just invite parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters ( and SO) and any children you have, to a ceremony. And only invite all more distant family and friends to the reception. That is acceptable. There is a clear line, super close, immediate family. But once you invite any aunts, uncles and cousins, all or none of them need to be invited to both the ceremony and reception. Hubby has 12 brothers and sisters, I have 8. 39 with SO. 7 parents and grandparents. If we have only 46 immediate family, ( next is 38 aunts and uncles) I cannot imagine that 200 does not include a lot of extended family. Cut. Don't invite some to the ceremony, some not

That’s incredibly rude. Guests should be invited to the entire event or none of it.

Tiered events are generally considered rude, especially when you're talking about not inviting 40 people at a 200 person event. If you can't accommodate everyone at both events, then just invite the people you can host at both events. Don't wait until RSVP's come in and invite people at that point because it is also rude to invite guests last minute that didn't make the cut the first go around.

View Quoted Comment Everyone is suggesting to look at the amount of the guest list. About 75% is family. Say my soon to be spouse's 2nd cousin who he hasn't seen in 5 years could come off the list. But what if my grandparents are helping pay for the wedding and they want their friends who they hang out with to come (even though I haven't seem some of them in 5 years), how could I handle that?

Definitely rude. And some couples do have a 90-100 % attendance rate so don’t invite guests you really don’t want/can’t afford. If you do want 240 guests then find a new venue, or if you already booked your venue only invite the 200 max to both ceremony & reception.

I don't think there's a nice way to tell 40 people they're not invited to the most important part of the wedding when 200 people are. I get your dilemma but personally I won't go if I wasn't invited to the ceremony UNLESS it was a small family only one.

Unfortunately, I think this is incredibly rude and I would rethink this plan immediately. I would imagine that the 40 people excluded will feel left out and offended. If I were one of the 40 people excluded, knowing that 200 people were invited to the ceremony, I would be rethinking my friendship with you...Makes no difference who is paying for the wedding. If it were immediate family only at the ceremony, I would completely understand and be happy to attend the reception. But only 40 people excluded out of 240? No way I would attend your reception, sorry...

View Quoted Comment You have to give the hosts, your grandparents, room for some people they see regularly. But if you can limit them to a group of 10, that might be fair. First figure the distant family cut. At some point, when you talk to them, you are going to have to show who you cut. If they are paying and you are giving them as low as 5% (10) of the total, that is very low. So you will have to show some of their family are being cut, too. And yours.
It does not matter if you have seen this group in 10 years. They will talk with your grandparents and bring your wedding alive again for months, even a year. As well as being dance partners, or sit the dances out partners in conversation. Face it, although it is polite for you and new hubby, and your parents and other family, to Dan e with your grandparents, half of you do not even know their music or dancing. Or talk or listen for long to them, at an event where you are dancing, or visiting everyone. Cut 40 people, allowing for SO, people in relationships. It is rare that at least 10 people do not decline of 210. If instead of sending save the dates, you give people advance e warning with a nice personal phone call, you will likely have a certain number who know at 4-5 months, we will be on vacation then, it will be our kids first week of school the following Monday, they do not want to travel el just before school starts and risk having the kids get sick, or themselves, or that you hey have other weddings, close in family, or in distance. And some will say straight out, until October we are not mixing with any but our most essential family, friends, or coworkers. Start with your priority people. By the time you hit 180, you may have 30 or more, absolutely, definitely know, right when you call. You do not have to send these people invitations. Only send invitTions to yes, and maybe. If you send a paper or magnet save the date, you will not get the feedback you will on the phone. Giving advance notice by phone has always been considered fine manners. Save the dates have only existed a short while, and many do not use them. Phone calls usually give you much more information.

You need to figure out a way for those 40 people to be able to attend, because it is considered rude to not let 40 people attend the whole event because you invited too many for your space (I'm sorry if that comes across in a mean tone, I'm really not trying to sound mean )

You'll have to consult you venue on this because fire code may prevent them from just standing in the back!

View Quoted Comment The ceremony and reception are in the same location. They have 400 chairs. We came up with the 200 so that we don't have to play music chairs after the ceremony to accommodate guests. I think we are just going to squeeze those few in there somehow. I know for sure 100% of the guests will not come with some being from out of state.

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Some people may opt to skip the ceremony too! That's great that there are enough chairs too!

View Quoted Comment If the issue is specifically availability of chairs, can you get 40 chairs? Alternatively, it's not uncommon for flipping a space to be done during cocktail hour. My ceremony, due to weather, had to take place inside the ballroom instead of the original outdoor garden. During cocktail hour (which was in a room right next door), the staff flipped the room from a ceremony set up to a reception set up with all the tables and such. I agree with others that it's rude to single out roughly 20% of your guest list and tell them they didn't make the cut for the ceremony.

People who are invited to the ceremony are also invited to the reception and vice versa. It is rude to invite them to ceremony only or reception only and they will think you don't want them to attend any part of it if they aren't good enough to be at both.

We are doing something similar. We have ceremony space for 60 but reception space for 100. So I have an A list and a B list. And I know a lot of people say it's Rude but ya know what... its your wedding. And you're doing all you can to include as many as you can. With everything going on in the world, I think we're all doing the best we can. I would say do not advertise to your reception only guests that a space may open up-- try staggering your invites so if you do get some declined spaces then you don't need to address it. We are also putting out a blanket statement of "Thank you for understanding our desire for a small ceremony, we look forward to celebrating at the reception with you." I think most people will understand, and if they don't ...*shrug*. We are doing a bigger wedding than we would prefer for our parents and family but ultimately, it's about our Marriage. And I think most of our loved ones understand we're doing the best we can. I'd rather include more people for the reception if possible than try to tell some friends to fun off completely. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing your best.

I’m having the same issue. During this pandemic...My venue can hold 130 but ceremony only 80. So I don’t think it’s rude if I’m only inviting family and closer friends to ceremony and the rest after. I think I might even lower the guest count to 100.

My venue actually had an idea for those that can’t go in the ceremony space (due to social distancing) to view the ceremony in the ballroom on a projector lol.

View Quoted Comment You are going back to the traditional: that it is okay to have only some at the ceremony, in order to have the few very closest family and friends only to witness an intimate personal or religious moment. Then all the others not close, whom you still want to celebrate with, come to the more publuc by nature Reception. People wanting 100 or 200 at the ceremony, lose that justificatiin . And it really makes 2 classes of general guests, one gets more than the others. And that tiering is what most object to. What you are saying is a quite accepted over the long term type thing, and I cannot see reason for objecting.

I only had reception only. My invitations stated the we were having an Intimate ceremony and would love for everyone to attend a Reception celebration following