Celebration of marriage vs vow renewal verbiage

Skip the ceremony and vow renewal. Simply start with your father escorting you in , quite formally, to your reception, and in law's may come.e in with their son. And either of you, or parents, can recap, how having your Dad present for your actual marriage was so important, you did a simple ceremony. But you are all so happy he is here , with your other family, and friends, to finally publicly celebrate your marriage. . . . I think otherwise, do what you want.

So hubs and I got married in an "emergency backyard wedding" at his parents house on August 17th. It was strictly immediate family.

We started planning our wedding back in March, 2018 for November 9th 2019. Over that time we had planned and ordered a lot, including STD's and Invites in November 2018 to take advantage of Black Friday sales. March. 2019 his mother was diagnosed with cancer, again. She had beaten Gallbladder cancer back in 2016 and in January had her last, clean, 6 month scan before she was able to reduce it to annual scans. Feb. 2019, after STDs were sent out, she started getting sick again and in March we were told she had stage 4 metastatic pancreatic cancer. They opted for Chemo despite the dismal odds and in July we found out that not only was it not helping resolve the tumor, but that it had actually continued to grow. In an effort to ensure she was able to see her baby boy and only son get married we threw together a small ceremony and reception at their house (where she could be comfortable and have everything she needed) in 5 weeks. All things considered, it went great. the rain held out until we were able to get a few pictures and the sun cam out after we ate. My friend who flew in to do the ceremony had her flight go from on time to 4 hours late, and back to on-time all in about 20 minutes and we got to enjoy a day with those who we love the most and I got to marry my person.

We planned to keep it under wraps until November but word kind of trickled out and we decided that, while we wouldn't go out of our way to tell anyone, we wouldn't hide it either.

So here we are with hundreds of dollars in invites, plans out the wazoo and money spent for a November wedding.... we sent the invites out as is. We plan to "reenact" most of the ceremony with most, if not all, knowing we are already legally married and party our butts off after. I know a lot of people on here look unkindly upon that but as of today I have not heard a single negative word about it from my November guests, of whom 39/95 invites have responded (200 total guests).

Unfortunately, my story lacks your happy ending as my MIL passed away at 4:30 this morning surrounded by her loved ones. I take solace in the fact that we were able to get married before she left us but I also want the rest of my guests to see the love and commitment my husband and I have for each other, and that can sometimes be lost if you just jump to the reception. I trust those who mean the most to me would understand the situation, this is not something we planned or wanted, but we still want to share those special moments that happen during the wedding ceremony with everyone we love.

By reenacting your ceremony, you are not being dishonest, as everyone knows you are already married. It is not wrong to want the people you cherish to experience that moment with you and your husband. If you still want the whole shebang, do it. That may just be my unpopular opinion, but as someone who has actually had to make that decision and has lived through that situation, I know that my heart sits right in sharing this advise.

View Quoted Comment I'm so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law but I'm sure it meant the world to her that you made sure she was able to see her son marry you. You're so right, you have every right to have the wedding you were planning. Everyone who knows you understands the circumstances.

A lot of people on here see this as a very definitive no-no. They'll also, for just about any other aspect of a wedding, say that it's your day do whatever you want. They probably have never been in this type of situation.

While my situation is not nearly as dire as yours or the PP I was in a similar situation. My FFIL passed away shortly before we got engaged which made our engagement and wedding planning bittersweet. We booked our venue and started planning for an Oct 2020 wedding. His mom is in a wheelchair and needs 24 hr care. After a lot of discussions about her care going forward it was decided it's best if she moves out of state and lives with his brother, who said that once she moves she wouldn't be able to come back for our wedding which was heartbreaking for both of us. We were told she'd be moving by the end of June. We scrambled to arrange a small wedding for the beginning of June. It turned out beautifully but we're still planning on the Oct 2020 wedding.

I'm struggling also with how to word it as everyone knows we're already married. And no one has a problem with our doing it again because they know and understand the situation. As I'm sure is the case with you. Call it a celebration of marriage if that makes it better because I agree, a vow renewal sounds weird after such a short time. And the irony is that my MIL hasn't moved yet and no word on way she might move. lol

You, and your dad, deserve to have that special moment of him walking you down the aisle. I hope his recovery continues to go as smooth as it has been.

View Quoted Comment This is my first comment ever. Kristin your story is very touching and helps us put things in perspective. I am sorry for your loss. I pray comfort and strength for you and your family. I applaud you and your husband for making the right choice. You will always have the memory of your ceremony, knowing that your love and vows was shared in the presence of your MIL. I hope you can both draw strength & find peace in that.