Catholic student in long distance engagement

This is going to be one of those times I say- you have to do what is right for you, and not care about what other people think.

Ultimately, there will always be people that will judge others for living in a way they don't approve of. It is better to learn now how to live for yourself in a way that you approve of. If living with FH will make your life easier/ happier/ better and you are content with that decision, that is what you should do. It sounds like the right choice from a logistical perspective. Don't take into consideration what your family thinks/ says. Not their life, not their choice.

The only person who can tell you if your priest will be able to marry you if you cohabitate is your priest. Each one approaches this in a different way (I think). But you have more options than lying to him OR not moving in with FH. You can always have a different priest marry you, or not a priest at all. But these are very personal decisions that you should figure out for yourself through some soul-searching. Best of luck OP!

My fiance's family is conservative Catholic as well. And we moved in together after a long distance relationship because I was in your position with money. We aren't getting married in the church since he isn't Catholic anymore, so I can't speak to that side. But, to the family side, we sat them down and showed them the finances and just basically said deal. So maybe just a deep convo would be best.

I'm Catholic and moved in with my FH about 4 months ago, sort of the same reason as you, I got into med school, which is by where he lived and he's also contributing financially for school. We're getting married in a Catholic church and our priest knows we live together, you might want to get in contact with a priest. Only he will be able to tell you the rules at your church. As for telling your family, my parents are pretty Catholic, not too conservative, but because we're getting married in the church anyway, they don't care that we live together already.

My family is really catholic and when I moved out with FH it was a shit show. We decided to move in together because my job relocated me to la where he lives so it made no sense for us to pay for two apartments since we would be together most of the time.

When I told my parents they lost it and constantly told me I was making a huge mistake. They told me if I left the house they would no longer support me or assist with anything (I was on their health and car insurance). I moved out anyway, and the first couple of weeks they were really rough with me, but after like 2 weeks they came around.

Long story short, if your family freaks out, remember that they still love you and will eventually come to terms with it!

You can't tell them without being told you're living in sin so just prepare for it. Know they will say it and disapprove but they still love you. I'm very Catholic, as is my FI, and both of our families. I understand your dilemma. Be honest with the family and the priest. Pray for your family to be understanding of your situation and try to understand that your family just wants what's best for you. They love you. As far as the priest, there are plenty of priests who will marry you. Good luck and God bless you both.

I understand. My mother wasn't jumping for joy when I told her I was moving in with FH. However, I'm so glad I did! We had time to get used to living with each other prior to getting married.

It's one of those situations where you just have to put your big girl panties on. lol

PS i do know some priest may not marry you so you just have to check with yours.

Not a single priest we met with refused to marry couples who live together. While some individual priests may have that stance, the Catholic Church as a whole does not. As for family, they can tell you you’re living in sin all they want. Ignore it.

I come from a Catholic family and my parents were actually glad we decided to live together first. I think most problems and why "the first year of marriage is so tough" is because the relationship changes once you live together.. and I think it's good to make sure you are compatible when sharing a life together! We are meeting with my priest this Saturday for the first time.. so fingers crossed all goes well and he doesn't tell me I need to move out until April!

Almost every couple that was at our precana lived together and the Catholic Church is marrying all of those couples. You have to do what is best for you and go with your own beliefs. Honestly the "living in sin" belief is ridiculous especially in your situation where you're going to be so far away and unable to have a job. Any logical person would understand that you're making that decision because it makes sense for your situation. Plus, you're engaged! It will make life a whole lot easier after the wedding if you already live together.

You just gotta do you, it's your life and they're just gonna have to live with that. These are your circumstances and you're choosing the best option. When the time comes, you'll find the right priest for you guys

I'm a Catholic mother of daughters. When they were in school our stance was that if you're adult enough to live with your boyfriend, then you're adult enough to to support yourself. It was their decision to wait until after they had graduated college and started their careers to move in together. FWIW, they are now engaged and living with their FH's and both getting married in the Catholic Church.

My Catholic parents were less than thrilled when I moved in with my FH before we were married, actually before we were engaged. They are logical though and understood our reasoning and got over it

I was told I was "living in sin" by my grandma. I laughed and said "I love you too grandma" and hugged her. She never said a word about it again. Your family will love you regardless and get over it and you should make your own adult decisions.

I had no issue with my parents but I was worried about getting married in the Catholic Church since FH and I moved in together. However it hasn't been an issue yet and I don't anticipate it to be. FH and I discussed it before we met with the priest and decided that if they wouldn't marry us or if they were judgmental then we would get married without a priest. I have no regrets or shame about my relationship and will not be made to feel otherwise by another person.

That's old school we saw four priests before we picked the church/priest we wanted to get married in not one told us to stop living together one one mentioned being celibate. Also congrats on nursing school!

I'm Catholic, FH is Lutheran, and we've been living together for about a year. I moved to his city and it just made sense for me to move in to save money, a lot of the same reason you are considering it. My parents weren't thrilled about it but his mom pitched the bigger fit. He eventually told her it's his house, he wanted me to move in, and that's that. She came around (begrudgingly) eventually. You just gotta do what you gotta do, and the family will come around in time.

Everything @Richard and @Katie said. Some old traditions just make no logical sense in the modern era. Living together before marriage does not increase you likelihood for divorce. In long standing arguments with family I looked into the research that claims it and the sample are tiny, skewed, and completely unreliable. Moving in together is so important for your relationship. You get to see how they communicate, compromise, and handle stress. Ignore the living in sin nonsense and do what you want.

For most people even highly religious, this has truly become a non-issue.

My father met FH a couple months after we started dating at the hospital because I had been admitted. Dad was going on vacation the next day and I told him he would officially get to meet FH when he returned in 2 weeks. When he returned in 2 weeks, FH and I met with my dad where we told him that while he was on vacation x,y, and z had occurred as a result of that stay in the hospital so we moved in together. Dad (and super catholic, traditional stepmom) were surprised, upset, and shocked but the next day he sent me a long email thanking me for being so honest and open. Moral of the story? It is all about how you approach it. Be honest with them.

Thank you so much for the advice everyone! I've informed my parents about our decision and they took it better than expected. Of course they still have their reservations about it, but they know we're adult enough to know what we're doing.

My parents wouldn't be supporting me financially with school, so as long as I complete my studies they'll be happy with how we go about things. They also understand that living apart and paying two rents/bills for almost two years isn't logical and I'll need all the support I can get during school.

I've also talked to a priest that is "retired" and has seen me grow up that is more than willing to marry us, even if we lived together because he knows us so well. Yay!!! On a side note, everyone had completely forgotten that there are no weddings during lent, when we had planned to get married, so we've had to move our date until after I graduate from nursing school.

Can't think of a better graduation present than getting married to my better half!

Sounds like things are working out nicely