catholic retreat

...I am maybe not the best first poster on this, but here we go.

FH and I did Engaged Encounter and we had the worst time.

Some caveats:

1. I am not Christian.

2. We have lived together and we have gone to couple's counseling together.

3. Our encounter was exceptionally poorly run.

4. I had a bad feeling about it going in, but I worked really hard to keep an open mind.

5. I had at least 2 panic attacks over the weekend. (...Possibly 3, but I'm not sure the 2nd one ever stopped...)

6. My father AND my stepmother are trained therapists.

I found it to be Relationship 101. Many of the topics discussed were things I was appalled other couples hadn't figured out long before they got engaged. Other topics were important, but given such little time, you couldn't possibly actually have a good talk about them. Topics I would have appreciated were not even addressed, and when I asked, I was told they were not relevant to weekend (...I don't understand how dealing with family illnesses and caretaking of older parents is not relevant in a marriage, but ok). The schedule makes you rush through discussions, does not allow for emotional reprieves, and will not accommodate any ailments you may have.

If you are very religious, or are comfortable approaching things through your religion, then you might find it helpful.

If that is not you, the weekend may feel very long, frustrating, and painful.

Also, for the record, the Church rejected us, even after Encounter, and we are not getting married in the Church.

My fh and i are not require to go to one by our parish, but ive heard amazing things about it. Everyone has recommend us to do it. Someone here did post their experience. Here is the link, hope it helps.

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/engaged-encounter-weekend/d8a2df8b97d06cff.html

We went and it was a really great experience. I am sure they can vary but we had SEVERAL people with fiancees who were not catholic or religious and it was really inclusive of everyone. There was mostly journaling and one-on-one conversation with you FH. Nothing at all to be scared about. Honestly it gave us time to talk about what we wanted out of our relationship for the future and iron out any issues we felt were still in our lives. It was a big help and I would recommend it to anyone--Catholic or not! If you have any other questions, just send them over!

We had to do this too. It was fine - we didn't learn a lot. They talking about natural family planning a lot, and communication 101 type stuff. These were all things i really believe you should have discussed already or you really shouldn't be engaged (communication styles, money management, etc). Definitely not worth stressing about.