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Cassie
Just Said Yes October 2021

Catholic Gap

Cassie, on May 8, 2021 at 1:58 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 29
Hi everyone! We have a gap between events - 1pm ceremony, 20 min drive to reception, 530 cocktail hour. We are trying to move cocktail hour to 430 but no guarantees. We can't move the church time.. My idea is to add the option to rsvp to either or or both of the events and to add a note saying we understand that not everyone can attend both due to the scheduling. As a guest, would you feel too awkward to rsvp to the reception only even with this note? I want people to come even if it's just for the reception!

29 Comments

Latest activity by JJ, on May 21, 2021 at 12:18 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I don’t know if I’d feel awkward, but I just don’t think it’s necessary. The church will have seating for all your guests regardless so it seems unnecessary to have them rsvp for both. It’s been my experience that if people are going to skip anything, it will be the ceremony, so your rsvp numbers will be accurate for the reception which is really all you need a headcount for.
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  • Apryl
    Devoted March 2022
    Apryl ·
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    I agree with Sarah. It feels unnecessary. I can find something to do between the ceremony and reception.
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  • Brianna
    Savvy August 2022
    Brianna ·
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    Yea I don’t see a need. I remember growing up if there was a gap and no kids allowed, my mom would bring us to church for the ceremony, bring us home so she could change and then go to reception.


    Also in between, I’ve been invited back to a family members house for lite snacks and refreshments
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  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
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    The last wedding we went to had a Catholic gap. We met some friends at a bar and had a couple drinks while we waited (it was out of town for us). It made for a long day for us (mostly because I was in a neck brace at the time) but it wasn't a big deal. I think this happens a lot with weddings that are done actually at a church, people can figure it out.

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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    I think you can leave it off and people will know that it's an option to skip one if need be. Also I'm a fam of hosting the gap by setting up snacks and drinks after church or at least sharing bar and restaurant recommendations
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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    The last wedding I went to the with a Catholic gap, the bride and groom spread through word of mouth to go to so-and-so bar. And they gave the bartenders a heads up in advanced that a large group of people from a wedding were going to be there. It worked out great!
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  • D
    Savvy April 2022
    Dabblinggadwall ·
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    I actually love the idea of RSVPing to either or both!! I’ve never attended a wedding with a schedule like that and it would not occur to me that the ceremony is optional like people are suggesting, so the welcoming nature of inviting people to skip the ceremony if they want would make me feel super relaxed about the idea. Great thought!!
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    A majority of my family is Catholic and they do everything in their power to avoid a gap. You can do it. That normally means that they go with blank slate venues such as a community center that the parks department owns or something similar with a flexible timeline.


    As a guest, I would be weirded out by an rsvp to separate events because they are not. At the same time you will possibly have guests who skip the ceremony because they do not like a gap and will be bored/inconvenienced because they do not nap/shower/sightsee/change into other clothes. Rsvping for a ceremony is unnecessary.
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    I'm not religious, don't care for religion all that much, and hate long religious ceremonies. I dislike when there is a long gap between the ceremony and reception, but would never ever assume I could just go to one and not the other. I personally would welcome a couple that suggested that was an option and gave me the opportunity to RSVP to those two events separately.

    I should point out that, if you make the option to just do one and not the other, you are more likely to have people actually go that route than if you don't mention it at all. I wouldn't want to set yourself up to be disappointed because of low attendance at one or both events because some people chose to "split" their participation instead of just stay the course with you for the full event.

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  • M
    Expert September 2021
    Marianne ·
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    I wouldn’t worry about the gap! I’ve been to a couple Catholic weddings with early afternoon ceremonies and evening receptions and it worked out just fine. It did help that I knew the areas well, so it might be a nice idea to provide suggestions of places to go in case you have guests that don’t! I just went to a bar for a drink and snacks between the two.
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  • I
    Expert August 2021
    Ingrid ·
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    I think it was on a WW article that I saw a TikTok of "wedding hacks" and this woman said she set up with local restaurant, bar and ice cream store where guests pick a "wooden token" that matched the selection the guest picked. Then you take that "token" to the store that matched your selection and would get the item selected by the Bride & Groom. I thought that was a really cute idea of how to pass the time between the end of the ceremony and start of the reception.

    I am unsure how long your ceremony will be but I would try my hardest to not have a gap longer than two hours between end/start. Mostly because people might loose interest, I know that sounds really strange but out of towners may not know how to fill the time gap as easily as guests who live in the area.

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  • J
    Dedicated June 2021
    Jessica ·
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    Can your church hold the ceremony after evening mass? We had a similar dilemma- we had our 2:30pm ceremony pushed to 7:00 and it actually worked out better for us.

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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Catholic gaps are rude to guests. Guests should be continuously hosted from the beginning of the ceremony to the end of the reception.

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  • Cassie
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Cassie ·
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    Not really my question. And the gap is unavoidable at this point as I am 5 months out with everything booked.
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    I'm more responding to other posts than yours, and for the benefit of people reading this who are still booking their venues.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Agree. Many Catholic couples are able to find venues that are available before 5/6pm.
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  • Jennifer
    Savvy August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I think the note is a great option, but also maybe you could plan something for your guests during the gap? I used to be a wedding photographer in Boston and I saw a bride book a “duck tour” in between. Or you can plan a scavenger hunt, or museum etc etc
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  • Allison
    Devoted April 2021
    Allison ·
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    Do you have a lot of guests coming from out of town? I've found that the Catholic gap is actually a great time to check into the hotel and freshen up for the reception. Of course, that only works if you have people staying at a hotel but at least it's something to consider! I also agree with the other suggestions of providing information on things to do in the area during the gap. The gap is obviously no ideal but I've never attended a Catholic wedding that didn't have one so hopefully it won't be a huge surprise to your guests.

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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    Catholic gaps are unavoidable and every bride can tell you who have them try to avoid them if they can
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Like I mentioned in an above post, a majority of my family is Catholic and at their weddings they have specifically sought out reception venues that allow people to arrive before 5-6pm. That means going with a community center or another blank slate venue that the parks department runs or is independently owned. All inclusive venues that only allow the party to start at 5pm or later are not the only venue options. Some brides say that blank slate venues and community centers are not options in their book, stating that they are more expensive when the opposite is true more often than not, so it is a choice. So yes the gap is 100% avoidable.

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