Catholic Church..not a parishioner anywhere

Lydia, I may be able to help. Do you mind me asking you what state you are in?

Similar situation. FH and I had moved shortly before our engagement so when we went to our Catholic Church to book our wedding they were super sketch of us. However, we were actively attending that church at the time.

FH will probably have to register as a parishioner somewhere at the very least. The converting process for you could take some time so better sooner than later. The bright side is that (at least in my area) Catholic Churches don't book too many weddings and they can handle multiple weddings per day, so you might be able to join a church, wait a bit, and then book a wedding there.

What PP said regarding the church. Although, I just noticed you said you've never been baptized- that might make it very hard for you to be married in the church. I'm Greek Orthodox, not Catholic, but I know they have similar traditions/restrictions as my church, and for wedding in the church both partners must be baptized Christians, although only one needs to be Orthodox, so I'd double check on that right away.

Honestly, the location of the church should not be an issue. I would much prefer to drive longer for the ceremony and head back towards home for the reception (consider alcohol, reception lasting late into evening, etc.)

As for finding a church, the right one will come. I would recommend GOING in and talking with people. Much more is achieved and understood in a face-to-face meeting than over the phone. It it shows initiative on your end and how important it is for you both to be married there. It is not like you are doing it just to do it, you have deeply rooted morals/meanings behind your wants. Also, your FH has a very compelling story for why he wants what he wants.... someone will bite and it will be perfect. But for sure, I recommend face-to-face.

Does he/you plan on joining a parish?

Have you tried Assumption? http://www.assumption-chgo.org/SW.asp?dseq=6

It takes a lot of work to get married in the Catholic Church. Trust me, I'm doing it as well. In addition to being confirmed in the church you have to do you pre-cana (pre marriage counseling). My church requires 6 mo. but soon it will be 1 yr. Your best bet is making an appt. to sit down and talk to the priest. Then you can make a list of things you need to do and a timeline.

It takes a lot of work to get married in the Catholic Church. Trust me, I'm doing it as well. In addition to being confirmed in the church you have to do you pre-cana (pre marriage counseling). My church requires 6 mo. but soon it will be 1 yr. Your best bet is making an appt. to sit down and talk to the priest. Then you can make a list of things you need to do and a timeline.

It might help to register with a church parish. Are there any churches that you think you guys might go to in the future?

We're getting married in the church I grew up in. I think I might still be registered there, but I definitely did all my sacraments there. FH is protestant and baptised, so he's good. We did our marriage prep classes in a church we live near now, but did not have to be parishioners.

I think most Catholic churches prefer at least one person in the couple be a parishioner or registered member of the church. And even after that, there are a number of hoops you have to jump through to get married within the Catholic Church. They require classes, family members have to sign a form saying you're single and free to marry. For us, FH was previously married, though outside of the Catholic Church, so he has a whole separate set of hoops he has to go through. But if you are planning to convert, I don't see why the church you are taking your classes through wouldn't be willing to host your wedding. Maybe ask about arranging that? Since your wedding isn't until June of next year, that's enough time to take the RCIA classes and go through the sacraments for next Easter. I don't know how that would work exactly, but it might be an option you could ask them about.

Also, my best friend is in a similar situation as you. It's a little bit of a weird because she grew up thinking she was baptized Catholic but then found out she actually wasn't as they were going through the wedding planning process. She's getting married at a Catholic church, but I don't believe her fiance is a parishioner of the church as he doesn't attend regularly. It may just depend on the church and how they do weddings. Maybe you could look around and find another church that would host your wedding.

Wow! Thank you all for such great advice.

Kate, I am in Illinois, Chicago northside.

Nonna T, great suggestion I will be looking into that.

I meant to mention that he would def become a parishioner because we would like the church we marry in to become our home church. Another option I didnt mention is the church in our area where he attended catholic school. This may be our best option.. Though we attended midnight mass there on Christmas and he felt it had changed (and not in a good way). I thought it was beautiful and wouldnt mind being married there.

I dont want to sound as if I want to 'use' the church and be done with it. I grew up in a very christian household and look forward to getting back in touch with my faith, even in a different way. I especially look forward to any kind of premarital counseling that can be offered. I agree with many of you that in person meeting is the way to go and I think we will be attending mass this weekend.

If you want to get married in a specific church I would have your FH become a parishioner. We became parishioners at our church the same day we scheduled our wedding and the priest was much happier to work with us once he knew we were becoming parishioners.

I don't think it's necessary for you to convert to Catholicism in order to be married in the Church - there are several different forms of the sacrament, one of which is between a Catholic and a non-baptized person. However, I also know that policies and procedures tend to vary from diocese to diocese. Are your FH's parents parishioners at a church?

We're name twins!! I'm Lydia M. also!!

Most churches around where I live (Lincoln Park) require you to be a parishioner for 6 monthes prior to getting married so you have plenty of time to join a church. Check into St. James Chapel, its beautiful, but pricey and it doesn't have. Parishioner requirement.

I agree with other PP's that you will have an easier time working with a priest if your FH is a parishioner at the church you want to get married in. My suggestion is to "shop around" a bit and pick one that works for the two of you. You have time to formally become parishioners and then set a date with the priest.

There are a lot of misconceptions about getting married in the Catholic church -- for one thing both people do not have to be Catholic. You can have a Catholic marry a Jew, an atheist, a Muslim, a Buddhist, pretty much anyone -- in the Catholic church. The only difference (and I'm getting into the weeds on this b/c OP mentioned converting to Catholicism) is that if one of the parties is not Catholic - the church does not consider the rite to be a sacrament. The ceremony for two Catholics is slightly different -- and usually includes full mass with communion (but doesn't have to). If that is important to you, then you might want to go through RCIA before your wedding next year.

Moreover, the church does not force the non-Catholic to promise to raise any future children Catholic - they do ask the Catholic spouse to do everything they can to raise the children in the faith.

Here is a website that provides good additional info:

http://www.foryourmarriage.org/catholic-marriage/faqs/

and http://www.foryourmarriage.org/catholic-marriage/planning-a-catholic-wedding/

Pick a church- have your FH register, become a member, and you both should start attending church on Sundays. It shouldn't be an issue that you're not catholic, but ask the office before committing to the church (My SIL had issues with this) once he's a member it shouldn't be an issue to get married at that church, but understand you'll have to do all of the marriage prep and at least plan to get married 6 months from now