Catholic Bride/Baptist Groom--Meeting w/priest

I'll just say this. Any clergy person that makes you feel judged and/or abused should not be the person who marries you.

We're not in the Catholic church, so I can't give exact answers. But our pastor sat down with us and asked about how we met, what do we do to spend time together, how do we manage finances, what are our future goals, where do we stand on children - all subjects were geared toward determining where our struggles might be as a couple and how we could work on them together.

There are some priest who are strict and some who aren't. Some will take issue that you aren't both in the Catholic church, and there's just no way to tell until you have that conversation. The good news is, if the priest refuses to marry you, you can find another.

I am in a similar situation. I am baptist and FH is catholic.. we will be meeting with our baptist preacher soon. FH had to move in with my family because he got out of the Army, was living with friends, they moved and he had no where to go. We are both worried about how our meeting is going to go as well.

I hate to say, it does really depend on the priest. FH and I are both Catholic, and we are living together, and I was really apprehensive too. But our priest never even asked. I think that was the best case scenario. Worst case, he could refuse to marry you. Just prepare something to say in case he asks, about praying on it and deciding it was the best choice for your relationship, and you know the church doesn't agree with it, but you hope he will marry you anyway.

As for FH being Baptist, does the priest know that? I would have mentioned that first, before setting up the meeting. It depends on the diocese, but it could be a dealbreaker. Or it could just mean you can't have a full mass with Eucharist. The priest will probably ask you questions about how your faith is the same and how it differs, and he will probably want to talk about how you plan to raise your children.

I understand how Catholic guilt runs deep, but don't be worried that the priest will shame you. Most of them aren't like that anymore. And if he is, you don't have to listen. Your priest's job is to help you in your marriage, not make you feel bad about your choices. So don't let him.

I hope you tell us how it goes!

To prepare for your meeting with your priest, you should reflect on what type of Catholic Church you belong to. When I (a practicing Catholic) moved in with my atheist fiance, my mom told me I'd have to move right back home once I spoke to the priest, but she was so wrong. I too was worried, and had planned to not offer up the information that we were living together unless directly asked. I know I know I should not be hiding who I am from the church or behaving in a way that I know is unacceptable, but I'm a practical progressive Catholic, and so is my Church.

We met with the wedding coordinator first and she actually told me straight out that the Church understands modern reality and doesn't judge if a couple is living together. However, with that being said, if you know you belong to a conservative, old-school Catholic parish, I know of couples who have been asked to live separately otherwise not be married in their own Church.

If your church will not marry you if you are living together, if you aren't emotionally invested in being married at a particular parish, you could always find another location if yours forbids your marraige. It's up to you to decide which is more important to you, living with your fiance or being married at your own parish. Don't be worried when you go meet with your priest, there can be other solutions.

Plus, after a year of engagement and living together while planning the wedding I have decided it would be much easier to plan the wedding while not living with your fiance. Unless you have a fiance that fits into that 1%, and I hope you do, he's not going to be too helpful with preparations. I think planning the wedding during this past year could have been smoother if I had not also been focusing on living together and setting up house together.

Hope everything works out for the best! and Congratulations on finding your partner for life!

I honestly hate what humans have done to religion. Yuk.

FH is methodist and I'm Catholic. My experience is a little different because my uncle is marrying us, so obviously he already knew we were living together!!

You shouldn't be nervous because your FH is of a different faith. In some dioceses, you need a dispensation from the Bishop but we didn't even need that. We chose to not do a full Catholic mass (just the ceremony), which is what my uncle recommended if one person is not Catholic. I also know that FH will be asked to agree to raise our kids in the Catholic faith, and I will have to agree not to pressure FH to convert.

If you're nervous you'll get yelled at for living together, I really hope you don't! I know *technically* they're supposed to tell you to live separately, but hopefully they don't make you feel bad about it. Good luck!

I was very nervous about meeting with our priest for the first time. When we got there he asked us if we are marrying freely, how long we have known each other, and then we had to take a compatibility test. He was amazing and so carefree hes from our same country so that was a huge help. As far as the dreaded do you live together question my priest didn't ask and I didn't tell so no harm there, he just asked us for our address and FH and I do not have the same one. I have heard some priest who will refuse to marry you but like @Celia said if someone judges you for that they should not be the one marrying you.

Any one - priest, parent, friend - who makes you feel bad/guilty/judged for making the best decision for you - is not someone worth associating with.

This includes churches.