Mrs H.
Master May 2011

Catholic and living together

Mrs H., on September 29, 2010 at 12:49 PM Posted in Planning 2 59
Saved
Reply

Before you read any further, if yuou are Catholic and are NOT living together I really don't want to hear your judgements/criticism, that's not the point of this post please move on. Continuing, we recently moved in together and we were both raised catholic and went to catholic universities. Obviously, living together is a major no-no for catholics and we can't find a priest to marry us. My friends who have lived together and got married in the catholic church just lied about it. To me lying to a priest is worse. Any Catholics out there who have lived together, how did you deal?

59 Comments

Latest activity by Ellen, on September 28, 2021 at 6:09 PM
  • S
    Expert April 2011
    Stefanie ·
    • Flag

    Oh boy! We live together. The priest doesn't know that though. He didn't ask we didn't tell.

    • Reply
  • Mrs Cupcake
    VIP January 2011
    Mrs Cupcake ·
    • Flag

    I am not Catholic BUT I wanted to say that it is very mature of you guys not want to lie to a priest Smiley smile. And good luck.

    • Reply
  • Mrs H.
    Master May 2011
    Mrs H. ·
    • Flag

    Stefanie, yea that's the first thing they ask us is for our addresses. And when they're the same...

    • Reply
  • Mrs Cupcake
    VIP January 2011
    Mrs Cupcake ·
    • Flag

    I was going to suggest that brian, that it may be the best to have non denominational wedding.

    Sorry about strict rule to not live together Smiley sad

    • Reply
  • Mrs H.
    Master May 2011
    Mrs H. ·
    • Flag

    Yea, I guess that's what we'll do. I'm sad about it. But honestly, I'm realizing that it's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage. That will last a lot longer!

    • Reply
  • Mrs Cupcake
    VIP January 2011
    Mrs Cupcake ·
    • Flag

    Amen Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Mrs H.
    Master May 2011
    Mrs H. ·
    • Flag

    Brian, I really like what you said about not making religion "cafeteria" style. And Mrs. B, we might look into that, if the church allows it. We just want to do it on the up and up, and if not, then that's too bad.

    • Reply
  • Miya
    Master December 2011
    Miya ·
    • Flag

    DH and I, both raised Catholic and also went to Catholic high school and university, lived together before we got married for about four months. About your priest and lying to him about the living situation, I think it takes a little extra searching for a priest who will be more understanding of today's culture when it comes to living together. My cousin is a Catholic priest and thankfully he has no qualms about the fact that DH and I lived together before we were married. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Princess Cupcake
    Expert February 2011
    Princess Cupcake ·
    • Flag

    We are in the same situation. We both got jobs in the same town 8 hours away, so economically we had to move in together. We just went to our priest and told him that we love each other and are getting married, and we could not afford to get married in a "real" wedding in the church if we had to pay seperate rents. He told us that we should live " as brother and sister" and that was that. It helps that we attend the church that is preparing us for marriage. We are actually getting married in the church in our hometown 8 hours away. But, our priest is on our side, and he found us a church at home to get married in. Be honest with your priest, he should understand your situation. Ours did.

    • Reply
  • S
    Expert April 2011
    Stefanie ·
    • Flag

    OMG I didn't even notice...but he didn't say anything much but he wanted to see us at 1 mass...weird. I also couldn't believe how much money we had to pay.

    • Reply
  • october bride
    VIP October 2010
    october bride ·
    • Flag

    I think it truely depends on what church you attend. my moh lived with her husband prior ro the wedding and was flat out told by one catholic church - we will not marry you. they tehn found another catholic church and were completely open about their living situation and they married them knowing that. good luck with everything.

    • Reply
  • L
    Devoted June 2011
    Lauren ·
    • Flag

    I don't know if this is an option, but can either of you move out and move in for free/cheap with parents, sibling or a friend? Even if you're only taking your clothes and changing your address. You could spend most of your evenings and nights together. Think of it like couples who don't officially live together but one person is over the other person's place all the time. WOuld that work for the church?

    It's a huge hassle and I don't know if it's even a possiblity, but it may be worth it for you.

    • Reply
  • Teapot Bride
    VIP October 2014
    Teapot Bride ·
    • Flag

    I feel your pain. My mom is very Catholic and has referred to my fiancé and I living together as "living in sin" several times. Because of her, when we got engaged I didn't even consider a Catholic ceremony.



    I hope you can find something that will work for you!

    • Reply
  • M
    Savvy October 2011
    Minnesota Girl ·
    • Flag

    With divorce rates today - it only makes sense to live together first - you find out a lot about a person when you live together -

    The Catholic Church is against sleeping together, not living together - so if you have 2, 3, 4, bedrooms make that clear - You can be born again virgins until your wedding... The thing I love about religion is the forgiveness part - we are humans and we make mistakes or Jesus wouldn't have had to come down to save us -

    You do not have to be dishonest to get married in the catholic church - you just have to rearrange your living quarters to accommodate the beliefs.

    • Reply
  • Silhouette
    Devoted May 2013
    Silhouette ·
    • Flag

    You definitley will want to search further for an understanding priest, having someone connect to you as a couple when they marry you is important. Unfortunately some religions are TOO strict, My SIL moved in with my brother before they were married and her entire family disowned her and now that they're married they still refuse to acknowledge her. They are Jehova Witness and sadly it's the entire community who blacklisted her because she married outside her religion, they are not even allowed to look her in the face if they walk by.....Be thankful you have a slightly more understanding religion Smiley smile and Good Luck finding a priest!

    • Reply
  • Mrs H.
    Master May 2011
    Mrs H. ·
    • Flag

    I emailed one of the priests who taught me French in college to see if he will do our counseling and marry us. He was more modern, and might not even ask. I told FH we could do separate bedrooms for a while. Unfortunately, our family is a minimum of 2hrs away, so no, I can't go stay somewhere else. I'm using the money I spent on rent to pay for the wedding. Anyway, cross your fingers!

    • Reply
  • H
    Beginner January 2011
    HS ·
    • Flag

    How strongly do you prefer that a Catholic priest marry you guys? You can't force a priest to bend his commitment to God for you. Maybe ask a friend to officiate the wedding?

    • Reply
  • Mrs H.
    Master May 2011
    Mrs H. ·
    • Flag

    Silhouette, that's crazy they won't even look at her! Not very Jesus-like is it?

    • Reply
  • Mrs H.
    Master May 2011
    Mrs H. ·
    • Flag

    Herschel, no I'm not asking the priest to do anything he is against.

    • Reply
  • L
    Devoted June 2011
    Lauren ·
    • Flag

    Brian - I understand. I'm not saying they should just do it on paper. I mean really move out into someone else's extra room. He/She would probably still have to pay the bills at the shared home though. As someone suggested, they could even stop being intimate and not spend the night.

    My question is, what constitutes living together? Many couples who are serious and don't technically live together still spend 90% of their time at one partner's home. I'm not advocating that Michelle do anything she finds unethical. She obviously doesn't want to and that's very commendable.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics