Can’t decide between court house wedding or big wedding

So my fiancé have planned to begin booking vendors next month for our June 2021 wedding. Everything is already planned out each vendor we will use, the exact cost of every last detail has been accounted for in the budget down to accessories for the day and a hotel room for the night of. We’ve even created a budget plan for each of paycheck from now to next June and how much we will save and how much we will spend gradually as we book and purchase wedding decor etc. so everything is accounted for on multiple excel documents. However, I cannot shake this feeing or voice in the back of my mind reminding me that our time on earth is not guaranteed. I’ve waited 6 years to finally become his fiancé and I want nothing more than to be his wife and he my husband but 17 months is a long time and everyday seems like someone else is passing away and I am terrified of not having enough time or that feeling of wasting time waiting. We’ve already let so much time slip by us and hitch is why it took 6 years to get engaged. I’ve always secretly wanted that “dream wedding” but I never dared let myself fantasize about it or tell anyone because I always thought it was unattainable to someone like me with little money. The last “wedding” in my family was 1996 everyone else just gone to the court house so when we got engaged it sparked such a join in the family they are so excited and so am I, but not only does my fiancé not care for a big wedding because of social anxieties but I hate the fear of if one of us doesn’t make it to that day. Even my dad was making arrangements for if he didn’t make it to the wedding who would walk me down the aisle and it left such a pit in my stomach. If we could afford to have a wedding this year we would but no matter how many times I re do the budget it always puts me to June 2021 comfortably. I just hate the uncertainty of it all but at the same time I don’t want to gory change my dream.