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December 2020

Can't attend bff covid wedding

Sophie, on September 21, 2020 at 11:11 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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Hi all. I'm here to look for advice on how to tell my BFF I can't go to her wedding, I'm a bridesmaid and my 2 kids are supposed to be flower girls in the ceremony. We live 200 miles apart, and due to COVID I haven't been able to go to my hometown where she lives to celebrate or be there in various events she already had, she's having a 200 guest wedding, my husband who has decompensated asthma and is also a healthcare worker is already saying that we shouldn't go, he says (and rightly) we are making a risk to ourselves and also to the other guests as he could be a carrier of covid virus. She is my very best friend and I don't know how to tell her this, I'm devastated as I would very much love to be there with her on that special day but I cannot risk my family going to such a large event and I don't want to make a huge fight with my husband over going to this, I feel terrible and the worst of friends. I hate Covid 😩.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Sophie, on September 22, 2020 at 2:24 PM
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Dude tell her that you can’t put your husband and family at risk. If she is your best friend she will understand hopefully
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  • Kerin
    Super February 2021
    Kerin ·
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    Agree with Melle. Just tell her. ::hugs::
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  • Lisa
    Legend July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I'm sure she will understand! Just be honest with her - tell her that you really want to be there, and that you're happy for her, but you can't put anyone at risk, and you will have to sit this one out. Holding a wedding during COVID means there's a possibility that not all guests will feel comfortable attending - could be family, friends, wedding party, or whoever, no matter how close they are to the couple - and most people are definitely understanding of the whole scenario.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Well, there are two options. 1. Simply tell her and don't go or 2. maybe you could go alone and afterwards stay quarantined for 14 days then take a test before rerurning to your family. I do think its unfortunate that you waited later than sooner to tell her this.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    The sooner you tell her the better.
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  • S
    December 2020
    Sophie ·
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    Well, we used to think that by the date of her wedding Covid would most likely be less of an issue, but it's getting worse over here. I hope she understands, it's still 2 and a half months away.
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  • I
    Expert August 2021
    Ingrid ·
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    Wow a 200 guest event! Definitely would not be going! Tell her sooner than later. Maybe after things are safer make plans to have a great weekend together! Good luck and I hope she completely understand your choice.
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2020
    Marabeth ·
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    If she’s your best friend she should understand. Covid is a very serious thing and many people are having to cancel plans due to it. It’s not like you want to miss her wedding, but your family’s health and safety comes first. Also, like you said, your husband is a healthcare worker and could unknowingly expose other guest. The test are expensive and not all insurances will cover them for leisure things such as attending weddings. My insurance won’t even cover them before procedures where they’re required. Telling her sooner rather than later will be best for everyone. She may be hurt but if she’s your best friend she’ll understand.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    I agree that if she's your best friend, she will understand. Your health and your family's health is way more important, and a 200-person wedding in the middle of Covid is screaming disaster. I would tell her sooner rather than later, and just be honest with her.

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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    I'm sorry this is happening, and hopefully it won't damage your relationship. I held my wedding, and while we did a lot to protect our guests (extensive testing, masking at all times, etc) - I also knew it was a risk that many wouldn't be willing to take. That was alright!
    I had one bridesmaid who I honestly told not to come - she is out of the country and the risk of her getting sick travelling would've been too much.
    Do what you need to do, but do it soon - if she's a good friend she'll be able to understand.
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    So is your husband worried about catching it at the wedding, or being a carrier? It makes sense that yo wouldn't want to go since he's high risk, but if he's a healthcare worker, he's already been around people.

    Regardless, it's your decision, but tell her ASAP. If you want you can even tell a white lie and say your husband's work doesn't permit anyone in the family to attend large events (Department of Defense had/has a restriction on employees or their housemates flying)

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  • S
    December 2020
    Sophie ·
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    He's afraid of both scenarios, he's even more concerned about catching it at the wedding since masks will not be a requirement neither covid testing and a lot of the guests are also healthcare workers. There will be distancing (less people per table and no dance floor) but it's still a large crowd.
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