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Savvy September 2020

Can’t agree on number on guest list

Amber, on July 12, 2019 at 12:42 PM Posted in Planning 0 4

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I have already posted about a reception but we’re still in the planning stage and my anxiety is starting to get to me.
i have really bad social anxiety and my fiancé wants a bigger number of guests than I’m comfortable with. I originally wanted to elope but we compromised on a wedding. I want very intimate, our immediate family and our best friends. That would still come out to like 30 people because he has a large family. I can handle that because I am comfortable with all of them. But he is still wanting to include all of his dads brothers and sister and their family and says 30 won’t be enough. I don’t want to feel so anxious and uncomfortable on my big day.
What should I do here?

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Sinéad, on July 15, 2019 at 7:52 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 12, 2019 at 12:48 PM
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Find some sort of compromise. Aunts and uncles can be invited but not cousins. Cousins can be invited, but not second cousins. Remind him that you already made a huge compromise on having a wedding in the first place and it’s his turn to make a sacrifice.
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on July 12, 2019 at 1:00 PM
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Yes, it's definitely time for him to compromise. You're only having a wedding because he wants one. Now he can give in to what you want--an intimate wedding with 30 guests.
If he can't respect your level of social anxiety, and back you 100%, then maybe he doesn't know you as well as he should. Maybe an honest discussion of your future expectations is in order. If he's going to disregard your needs and feelings about the kind of wedding you want, what's going to stop him from disregarding your needs and feelings later on, about more important things?
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 12, 2019 at 4:30 PM
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As PPs said, compromise is key! FH shouldn't be so dismissive of your anxiety. Anxiety is no joke. If he can't take that seriously, you might have a relationship problem on your hands. Good luck
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WeddingWire Administrator January 2025
Sinéad · on July 15, 2019 at 7:52 AM
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Hey Amber! Congratulations on your engagement! Welcome to the WeddingWire community!
I totally agree with the pp’s and think that you should discuss this with your FH. Of course wedding planning comes with making compromises but it is unfair to expect one person to be the one to have to compromise their wants every time. You should mention that you have already agreed to having a wedding when it was not what you wanted but that now you are happy to have an intimate wedding with your immediate family and close friends. It’s obvious that family is very important to him and that he wants to celebrate your marriage but this should not come at the price of your comfort at your own wedding.
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