Can’t Agree On Location

I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble! Personally, I would see if there is a compromise, maybe at a venue you love, but in the middle between OK and TX.

I would thank your parents for offering to pay, but say that you prefer to plan the wedding how (and where) you and your future spouse want it, so you will be paying for it yourself. It's completely understandable that your parents want a say in the location if they are paying. So, the easiest solution is to just decline their offer.

Are you and your fiance able to cover the cost of the wedding yourself? If so, I think that may give the decision power completely back to you. If you're the one paying for everything, you wouldn't have to take anyone else's opinions into account. Otherwise, if not able to completely cover the cost yourself, I would try having another conversation with your parents. Hear what they have to say, and also calmly present your own thoughts to them. People travel for weddings all the time. Some people do destination weddings, where everyone attending has to travel. Some people like traveling to attend weddings, as they also get to turn it into a mini vacation for themselves. It is your wedding, and you should get to have it where you want. Also be understanding that if you do hold it in Oklahoma, some of your relatives in Texas might decide to not attend due to the distance, and that is OK. Even if you hold the wedding in Texas, some of your Texas relatives still might not be able to attend due to conflicts or other reasons. I would let things calm down a bit, and try having another conversation with your parents.

Ugh, in my opinion, you’re in a tough spot, because they’re paying for it which makes parents believe they can alter your dream wedding. We declined all money offers and had the wedding of our dreams. I would discuss declining the money if that’s an option with your fiancé.

Coming from a couple that has family scattered everywhere....pick the venue and location that YOU want. Unless all of your friends and family live in the same location, you won't be able to avoid guests from traveling.

Between the both of us, we have family in the Philippines, Canada, Michigan, Florida, and Chicago, and Georgia. We live in Georgia, and we're having our wedding in Georgia because it's easier for us. We'll be able to meet with vendors more easily, and take trips to see our venue and meet with planners DOC etc. My mother is also helping us pay for our wedding, and we made it clear to her that while we are appreciative of her contribution, ultimately we decide where we get married.

I say stick to your gut and get married where you and your FH want. If paying for the wedding yourselves isn't an option and you need her help, then just politely tell her that you appreciate her help, but the venue will be decided amongst you and your FH. Financially contributing to a wedding does not mean you get to make all the big decisions.

I have to agree with Maggie. If you allow your parents to pay for your wedding, you should have it in Texas. Is this the only thing your parents are being adamant about? Are they supportive of the vision you have, but just want input on the location? If so, I would just let them have to location - making it clear that you are making a huge compromise on this, and don’t intend to compromise on the rest of the decisions of your wedding. You could just look at it as a destination wedding- which could be really fun! However, if you think this is just the beginning of your parents forcing their opinions/desires of your wedding (or if you and FH are completely against having the wedding in Texas) then you would likely be better off declining their offer to pay. Unfortunately, money oftentimes comes with strings. You have to weigh out which is more important to you- their monetary contribution or your vision for your wedding.

Another idea: maybe your parents could contribute to certain items, rather than the whole wedding? We are having a destination wedding, which my parents weren’t the hugest fans of, so FH and I are paying for the venue. My mom was very adamant about not using the officiant I originally chose, so they are paying for the officiant. My mom thinks spending the amount I’m spending on florals & cake is “ridiculous”, so we are paying for those items. They have offered to pay for food, booze and my dress though. Maybe you could allow your parents to have input and fiancé certain aspects of the wedding, and you & FH could pay for the rest of the items.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I decided to decline any offers of help from my parents because I wanted 100% say in my wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this! My family is all over the country, so even if it was in Texas, they’d be flying there. For me convenience in planning the wedding from my own home is big & this is where my fiancé and I will live forever and raise our kids. We plan on sticking to what we want, but I know she will use money to try to control the wedding. I’m a chronic people pleaser so this is just tough on me.

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I feel you and understand where you're coming from! My mom has tried to use her contribution as a reason to why she should decide everything for our wedding. We're just finding little ways that she can help and compromise with her! Good luck planning!

Unfortunately, this is what happens when someone else is paying for something. If there aren't willing to pay for the wedding where you want it, then I would thank them for their offer, but decline and pay for the wedding where you want it. If you can't afford the wedding that you want on your own, you might have to agree to have the wedding where you parents want it. Also, where is your fiancé's family located because if they are also in Texas then I would agree with your parents that it would make more sense to have the wedding in Texas. No matter where the wedding is a decision needs to be made ASAP if you intend on getting married next year. A lot of couples had postponed their weddings until next year because of Covid so venues and other vendors are going to be more limited.

I can tell you we live in Maryland, but my husband's family is mostly in New Jersey and all of my family is in Pennsylvania. My family and his family live 3 hours apart from each other so we picked a location that was about 1.5 hours from both families. That location was 4 hours from where my husband and I live. From my experience, it really wasn't that difficult planning a wedding from another state. Most of the communication took place via phone or email. We also made a few trips to the venue/area to meet with vendors when we absolutely had to. We made sure to schedule multiple meetings on the same day that way we didn't have to travel more than necessary.

If you want to make your own decisions regarding your wedding, you need to pay for it. It is very nice of your parents to offer to pay. However, if that comes with strings attached, I would decline their offer.

I think you have two options: pay for your wedding yourself and have it in Oklahoma, or accept your parents' money and have it in Texas. If your parents are only contributing partially to the wedding, then maybe you could come up with a compromise, but if they are paying for the entire wedding then I think it would be unreasonable to expect them to compromise on such a major issue.

People travel all the time to weddings with zero issues. You and fiance are the ones getting married so you should be making the decisions, not the parents. Give the money back to them and have the wedding you want that you can afford.

We’re paying for everything so our parents have zero input on any & all decisions. When others contribute, they can help make the decisions. Options are, give the money back & go with something you can afford or have your parents dictate your wedding.