Can’t Afford His Ring...

I didn’t have this situation.
But we just bought our wedding bands. We both went to the store together, picked out what we wanted and then paid for them. Our finances were already joint by that time. So while I don’t think your situation is anything crazy or out of the ordinary I do think his response wasn’t very nice. You could talk to him about how that made you feel. If you feel his ring must come out of just your money, you could explain why it’s important to you to get it for him.

My partner makes significantly more than I do. By like, a few zeros. But he never makes me feel inadequate about it.
There's nothing inherently wrong with him having expensive taste or buying his own ring, but there absolutely is something wrong with the way he said that crap. That's off-putting af.

What if you contributed to a portion of the ring that you can afford? Even if it wasn’t a whole lot at least you can feel the validation that you contributed what you could towards what he wanted.

View Quoted Comment Good idea!


Thank you ladies! I’m definitely processing my feelings on how I felt.

I didn’t and don’t have your situation, we both put money aside for our entire wedding including our rings. So everything comes out of one bank account (exception my engagement ring, he paid and surprised me).


But from a financial aspect I make somewhat more than my FH but neither of us “think” about the difference. We each have our own accounts and our joint account that we contribute to. Our bills are split down the middle and have been from the start. He helps me if I need it and vice versa.
I think I’d still ask to see what your FH wants and offer to contribute to the cost if it means that much to you to be a part of the ring purchase.

Hey girl! I’m a teacher too so I totally understand the difference in funds. My fiancé bought his band because of the price! Don’t feel bad for him buying it. But do talk to him about the comment!

I can relate to what you're saying. I'm also a teacher and make pretty good money but fiance makes over six figures. We are going ring shopping tomorrow and I wanted to get an idea of what he wanted. He showed me a blinged out wedding band and I was like OMG...lol. But his uncle works at a jewelry store and we'll probably be able to get it for 50 percent off. Technically I am paying for the ring, but once we're married, and even now actually, we look at it as "our" money. So, yes, technically I'll be paying for the ring but if I need him to help pick up my slack later, then he'll help me out. I'm sorry you're going through that! That's an awkward comment to deal with.

I am confused... The bride pays for the groom's wedding band? I have never heard of this. Is this just something you wanted to do for him, or is it a tradition I don't know about?
For some reason I always thought the fiance bought his own or they bought it together with their pooled funds.

I guess I’m him in this situation. Not that I have fancy tastes, but my FH doesn’t make a lot in his current position. He bought my engagement ring, but I’ve been the one saving and paying for most of our wedding. But I also believe in joint finances. We’re putting it all together as ours, not his and mine, but ours. I know it makes him sad sometimes when I say what I ordered or that I reserved the cabin for our honeymoon, but again I feel it’s a complete partnership and joining of everything.
While I wouldn’t necessarily have an issue with him wanting to buy his ring, I would probably still want that ring to fit into our budget. I mean, yeah I saw some absolutely gorgeous bands out there but because I don’t want us going into debt for a wedding, I said no, I’ll find something else I love that fits in our budget.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Teacher pal!

Thank you for your feedback ladies!

View Quoted Comment Traditionally, the bride buys the groom’s band and the groom buys the bride’s engagement rings and band.

What does he want that’s so pricey?


There is absolutely nothing wrong with him buying it himself, especially if you two don’t want to do layaway payments or can’t swing it.

That said, there are ways to buy a ring without paying full sticker price. I’m a teacher too, and my FH has expensive taste. We discussed at length which design and metal he wanted. I actually discovered that prices in the UK work differently than they do in the US (at least, at a couple of shops I looked at it), and they fluctuate with the market. FH wanted platinum, so I kept an eye on the market. When platinum went down, so did the cost of the band. I ended up saving a significant amount by grabbing it when the ring was at the lowest cost I had seen while watching it go up and down. It’s currently on their website for several hundred more than I paid a few months ago.
That, of course, is more complicated than waiting for a sale which is much easier to do. You can also look at independent jewelers. Stay away from big box stores. They have a lot more overhead costs so their prices tend to be significantly more.
I would definitely shop around even if he can just outright buy it. It can’t hurt to save money when you’re able. Why pay full price if you don’t have to?

As far as the way he said it goes, I’d definitely have a conversation with him about it. It’s a good thing that he never plans on taking it off, and it’s understandable that he wants something he will love forever, but the way he worded it was not good. It’s worth sitting down and revisiting, especially if you feel weird about it.

Its ok for FH to buy his own ring i dont see nothing wrong with that and you can help put a percentage....just to show its something you dont mind doing and its from you as well

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

We paid for each others wedding bands but my FH is not that extra and picky. We saw some expensive ones that were gold or had diamonds in it but that isn't his style and I don't think it's many guys styles. There is nothing wrong letting him pay for it as I feel it should come out of the wedding budget. More the issue seems how he went about it and saying you can buy him a wedding gift..... Maybe you can buy him some nice customized cuff links if you're feeling down.

I don't think it is okay how he handled it and you guys sound like you need to have a serious conversation about marriage.

On the other hand, I don't see anything wrong with him paying for his ring. It will be both of your money after you get married. I chose not to get a wedding band and just use my engagement ring, but if I would have gotten one, I would have paid for it. I have more disposable income because my FH is trying to payoff as much of his college loans before we get married as possible. We have discussed this and agreed, that I will pay for most of the wedding things so that we can start off our marriage with as little debt as possible.

How do you and your FH handle money? How will you handle it after marriage? These are very very important questions!

Im the one with more expensive tastes but he makes all the money. im a stay at home mom and i also run a doula business so my income isn't as consistent as his. he's paying for both our wedding bands. He is not fussy at all and wants a neon green silicone ring while i want a white gold pave band. even tho mine will cost a bit more he is still paying for both and we are quite ok with this.

View Quoted Comment

Completely traditional for the bride to pay for the groom's ring. Wedding bands are gifts from one spouse to the other.

I'm with you when it comes to sometimes being shocked by the kind of spending my FH allows and enjoys. We talk about it a lot, so at least it's a discussion that we're getting better at. We had planned on buying the wedding bands together, so even if mine is a little cheaper I'm happy to pay half since it's our wedding and our first present as husband and wife. Buuuuuut if he picks out something ridiculous then he'll be on his own. 🤷‍♀️ If he makes significantly more money than you I think it's fair that he is the one who pays for his expenses that are beyond your means. But I find this kind of balance is difficult as I often feel helpless when it comes to buying him gifts. For example, I really wanted to buy him a nice watch, but I'm afraid even if I work really hard to save for it it will still only be a watch he's interested in for a short while before he wants to upgrade.