Cancelling wedding to elope etiquette?

I don't think anyone will be angry with you, disappointed but not angry.

If it's stressing you out that badly, eloping and then doing some sort of party or reception at a later date might be the best way to go. Your health and happiness with your FH is what matters.

I think you're doing the right thing. I'm sorry that you guys got roped into having a wedding that you didn't want. Hopefully you don't have deposits down on anything, but seeing that your date is in 8 months I would assume that you do. I would just call everyone who received a save the date and tell them your plans. If you hadn't sent out STDs then I would say word of mouth would be enough, but since they received something I think you should call them.

If anyone gets angry, tough cookies. And they won't stay angry, probably just disappointed for a bit. You guys are going to just have to stand your ground here. You need to send postcards ASAP for those travelling/taking time off from work. You can get them at Staples and put them through your computer.

If this is the best thing for you, do it!

You cannot control other's reactions, all you can do is provide them with information. if you have a wedding website- update it. after a few months, delete it.

as PP said, buy some cardstock and make a formal announcement to be mailed to the guest list. start the word of mouth. blame it on the budget if you want, tell them you are doing what is best for you and FH at the moment. tell them nothing (although you might get asked if you're splitting up, so be prepared for that nonsense...)

if you have officially decided to cancel, get in contact with your vendors immediately. you may be able to salvage some deposits. your florist may be willing to do a bouquet for your courthouse ceremony with the deposit money.

Elope and then send out elopement announcements to the people you sent STDs to.

I'm sorry your wedding got turned into the opposite of what you wanted. I agree with above, just go do your thing, and marry your FH. If you want to, you can send out an announcement afterwards.

It seems that word of mouth will work for the family who received STDs. And honestly there is not enough info on a STD that someone would show up at a wedding that isn't happening ... so when the person never receives an invitation, then that's how they would know. Not the best solution but a possibility. How many STDs did you send? Can you do word of mouth, FB messages, texts, etc to let everyone know?

I think you're doing the right thing here, and you can have a vow renewal down the road if that's what you want to do and own it!

I agree about the postcards to OOT guests and phone calls too for people who received save the dates (maybe skip the postcards and do phone calls if you have their numbers, they'll receive the information faster). It sounds to me like the people who are going to be most disappointed are you immediate families, but if you explain to them like you did here they'll see it as a mature decision and probably agree it's the right one to make. I don't think anyone will be angry like PPs have said, but there's probably no way to avoid the disappointment.

I'd try to spread it by word of mouth and calling, emailing, texting those you can. I think it takes a lot of courage to choose what you guys want over what you've been pressured in to. It sounds like you're making the best decision for you and FH. Good on ya!

We had a similar issue so we just told everyone private courthouse and reception dinner at a restaurant. Keeps the budget well under $1000 and I just got a cute dress and shoes. No need to break the bank especially if that is not what you and your FH want.

Please don't wait til you elope to tell people. If you send me a STD and I need to travel and ask for time off I will take care of that asap. I would not be happy to know that I am buying airline tickets the first weekend in April, you decided in march to elope but waited til you eloped to tell me. Please don't do that to your OOT guests. Also if you send out postcards you don't have to repeat the story dozens of times and subject yourself to all those relatives who thought you needed a wedding

People will support your marriage and be happy for you regardless. That's what friends and family do

If you're parents really want you to have a wedding, and adding to your guest list, then why aren't they paying??

And if they have offered to pay, then just accept the money and quit the drama.

If they really haven't offered any money, but keep telling you what to do (that really stinks that you would have parents like that), then just be honest with your parents and tell them you can't afford a wedding with all of these extra guests, and just want to celebrate with them and your siblings.

I'm sure pinterest would have suggestions on how to send the elopement postcard...

As far as your FH helping with the planning, I think only 1% of FHs help plan weddings, sure most still go to meet with the vendors, but its the bride doing the research on which vendors to meet with.

If your parents wanted you to have a wedding so badly, they should have paid. I say cancel the wedding and elope like you originally wanted. They will get over it

Invite your parents and immediate families to witness your ceremony. I suggest hiring an officiant so you can get married somewhere pretty like a park, rather than in the courthouse. If you can afford it, hire a photographer (an hour or two won't cost much!).

Also, please change your avatar to something other than the rings! They are associated with spam/trolls, so it will help you get more responses!

I think if you explain to people what you just explained here...grad school and only one of your working, people will understand. Do a courthouse wedding and then maybe a small dinner somewhere with close family and friend

I apologize for the late reply, but all of you have made me feel so much better about the situation and I appreciate all of the input. FH and I are going to talk to our families within the next few days.

We had a wedding planned for March of this year. We canceled it and set a smaller wedding for March of next year in a different state. Our guest list is 25 people and truly only includes the people we are the closest too. It stressed me out but everyone has been great about it.

Good luck with talking to your families. I was in a similar situation. By the time the FH and I are married we will be engaged for three years. I wanted to elope so bad, but caved because of tears plus screams from my fmil. My family was super against it too, but I knew I could deal with them. FH could not deal with my fmil. We had just graduated from college with Masters degrees, in debt and no fancy high paying jobs lined up. I love my FMIL to death, but she's weird at times. She wont let us elope but was willing to throw us a backyard potluck wedding. We refused all financial help from family members and took every penny we had and put it towards a down payment for a house and said we just wont get married until we can save enough for a wedding. FH and I got into a huge argument about a month ago about eloping after we've already invited people. I am so over all this wedding planning, five months til my wedding and the only thing that is stopping me from eloping right now is my very ill grandmother and my dress (gosh I love my dress!)