Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes September 2027

Cancelling for reasons other than covid

Paige, on August 17, 2020 at 9:37 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Has anyone cancelled their wedding for reasons other than the virus? For example, a break up or problems in the relationship. I’ve recently given up on the idea of having a wedding since my fiancé refuses to take the steps necessary to have one. I bought my dress but that’s as far as the “planning” went. We were supposed to get married last year but a month before the set date he demanded we go to therapy and had the therapist convince me to push the wedding back a year. He swore we’d get married this year (among other things) but here we are again, a month away from the wedding date and no further planning has taken place. I talked him into looking at rings a couple of weeks ago and was ready to purchase them but he told me to wait and was acting funny so we left without placing the order. We’ve been “trying” to buy a house for 3 years now but every time we find one we both like he suddenly loses all interest and refuses to move forward. He tells me and our therapist constantly that he wants to be with me and wants to marry me, have kids, etc. but his actions say otherwise. Aside from proposing, he’s refusing to take ANY of the steps necessary to start a life with me. I’ve finally come to the realization that I’m in a relationship with a man child and I plan to end it. I just can’t take any more of this.
I’m completely devastated. I thought for sure he was the one and that I could finally begin my life and start a family. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. I’m just crushed.

Flag
Hide content

9 Comments

Latest activity by Meghan, on November 2, 2020 at 3:44 AM

VIP May 2020
Jai · on August 17, 2020 at 10:04 AM
Flag

Hide content
Stay strong and keep your head up! I'm sorry you have to go through this. You should be enjoying planning your wedding and loving all the little moments leading up to it. Def make the decision that's best for you and makes you happy
- Reply
Legend July 2022
Lisa · on August 17, 2020 at 10:10 AM
Flag

Hide content
I'm so sorry you are going through this! It sounds like the issue is with him, and not with you. You deserve a relationship where both parties are involved and actively take steps to move forward. It may have been a blessing in disguise that you didn't buy a house yet, since that's a large investment and would have made separating a bit more difficult (if you end up choosing to not continue on with the relationship). Make the decision that you feel is best for you. Your happiness is most important.
- Reply
Expert May 2021
Erin · on August 17, 2020 at 2:01 PM
Flag

Hide content
Stay strong....i am not saying this will be or is the case....u may end up walking away for good.... but it sounds like he needs to grow up. (I mean that gently) some men are just not ready to take the steps necessary.. despite saying they want wife,kids, house, ect. he may be scared of what the words responsibility means... walking away for a time MAY help him see what he really wants and man up and do what he needs to to move forward, or he may play man-child for a long time.... time away will tell. YOU are not the problem though.... (I have a male friend who has a great job, is a great guy, in his mid 40's single, and an only child still living with his elderly parents (they are in their 70's) he talks of moving out into an apartment but the thought scares him...he JUST bought a 2018/2019 car biggest purchase of his life...he wants his own place but doesn't like committing to big things) .... maybe try talking to the therapist or him about it... try to draw out what the real issue is.... and then he face it head on...
- Reply
Expert November 2020
Shirley · on August 17, 2020 at 3:03 PM
Flag

Hide content
I had a similar experience with an ex, so I first have to say that I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I remember how awful it felt, but time has done wonders to heal it since.
An engagement is a promise to be married. If he is unable to move towards marriage, which in this situation seems like his own problems and insecurities, you need to leave him. Clean break leave him.
Maybe he will reach out and come back, maybe he won't. Either way, your time and your heart matters. Being with someone who is unable to commit will only lead to more hurt.

If you don't mind my asking, was therapy helpful? Do you still go? Are there things you didn't totally work through with the therapist yet?
- Reply
Just Said Yes September 2027
Paige · on August 17, 2020 at 10:18 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
My fiancé is the same. He’s 36 and still lives with his parents. I’ve tried bringing it up to the therapist and we get nowhere cause he refuses to talk about any of his problems. He says it’s never helped in the past so he doesn’t believe in it.
- Reply
Just Said Yes September 2027
Paige · on August 17, 2020 at 10:26 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
No, therapy has not been helpful. We’ve been going for a year now and have made no progress. We still go every two weeks but I don’t know why. All we do is talk about stupid stuff that’s happening at work or our pets. When we do start talking about important topics it’s usually at the very end so our session is over before we can really make any progress. For the most part she just focuses on me and my problems since I’m the only one willing to talk. I’ve tried going in and starting the conversation on him and shifting focus to him but it always ends up back on me. She also doesn’t respect my boundaries. I told her last year that I would not be pushing the wedding back anymore so if it didn’t happen this year I’m done. I also told her that we would most likely be in the same position this year as we were last year. She didn’t believe me. She keeps trying to convince me to give him and our relationship more time and I blew up on her. I told her and my fiancé that I have no more time to give. I’ve given him 5 years of my life. How much more time should I waste on someone who refuses to grow up?
- Reply
Expert May 2021
Erin · on August 17, 2020 at 11:28 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I’m sorry! Hopefully he will see the truth and if you’re meant to be together he will wake up/grow up !
- Reply
Master August 2019
Rebecca · on August 18, 2020 at 5:12 AM
Flag

Hide content
I was engaged before I met DH.
It was a very toxic relationship and very harmful to my health. We got as far as a dress, a venue, a band, and rings... and then I had to cancel everything. (Alone. Ex didn't want to break up and it got MORE toxic as I tried to get out.)
This is so hard, and I'm so sorry. If you are already wondering if you are wasting your time... I think that says everything you need to know, already. People can live with their parents a long time - they can be caretakers, or contributing members of the household, or so on, but if he keeps dodging planning in any way, shape, or form... well. Sounds a lot like he proposed to make you stay.
You don't sound happy. Leave him, move on, and if he can bother to grow up... let someone else find out. He isn't worthy of you.
- Reply

Just Said Yes December 2025
Meghan · on November 2, 2020 at 3:44 AM
Flag

Hide content
I just saw this post. Last week, I postponed our 5/29/21 destination wedding for reasons other than COVID. I proposed in January and since then, it seems like my fiancée has been trying to sabotage our relationship. She started calling off work all the time (we worked at the same hospital), and in June she quit altogether. Then she messed around with a guy (!) she met in a bar. In September, she got another job and got fired after 3 weeks for leaving early and calling off sick. The next day, she took an overdose of pills and then called 911. I'm finally seeing how many borderline traits she has. Some of the classic symptoms of that personality disorder are self-sabotage and having issues with stability.
So...wedding postponed indefinitely. She's in therapy, I'm in therapy (my eating disorder flared up as I felt my life was spinning out of control), we're looking into couples therapy. I have so many mixed emotions right now - disappointment, embarrassment, relief. My mom and my sister know what's really going on, but I'm letting everyone else assume we're postponing due to COVID. It's difficult to find support and advice on-line right now, because it seems like everything about cancelling or postponing weddings is COVID-related.
@Paige - I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with a non-COVID cancellation, too. Thank you for your post; it made me feel not so alone in this. PM me if you ever need to vent.
- Reply