Cancel Wedding to Elope Over Family Financial Guilt

Makes me sad for you, this should be the happy times. Maybe let your parents now the position they are putting you in with how it makes you feel. You only get one wedding so happiness is key. Maybe if you tell them it will make you elope instead they might change their tune. Good luck

Return the money and either elope or go to the court house for your ceremony.

My advice is not to tell people who pays for what in our lives. I consider it a private matter between my FH and I. When people ask who is paying for the wedding I say my fiance and myself. As for using your parents money, if you know it is going to cause trouble in the future forgo it and have a wedding you can afford. Money is NEVER a reason to have a strained relationship with your family. In my past experience if you are even slightly worried now, it will come back to haunt you.

I probably wouldn't take the money. If you are worried that they will throw it in your face later or use it as leverage to control things like the guest list and location, it just isn't worth it.

The first thing you need to do is stop discussing HIS finances with YOUR parents. That's none of their business and does not benefit your relationship in anyway.

As far as the money that they gave you, invest half it in a money market account, IRA or 401(k). Use the other half to go on a honeymoon somewhere tropical and get married.

I don't give my parents any specifics - trust me the less I tell them the better - it all started because a few times I took my mom, sisters and fiance out to lunch I picked up the check and they blew it out of proportion. No matter how much i defend him they wont let that go. Unfortunately because I work for my family they know MY finances so without telling them anything it's an easy comparison. Sorry the post only allows you so many characters to explain everything lol so a lot of background got left out.

I love the idea of investing the gift, that's so smart.

You guys have been together for 5 years and he still makes the same Amt of money? After 5 years there is usually a raise, promotions, advancement seeking by the person. People generally want to get ahead in life and improve. Unless he’s in a job of service like social worker or something I don’t know why no advancement. Even teachers, security guards, fast food workers... get raises and more $ after 5 years. But aside from that... if you don’t want input from others then don’t accept their money. Easy peasy.

Financially, my fiance and I are the same as you. He gets his bills done but that's about it....I am personally paying for a majority of the wedding, no money from the parents. I don't discuss our finances with anybody and we keep accounts separate. I also know that he wants the wedding so I'm making sure he gets it. If a big wedding is not important to your fiance, ditch it and elope. Less stress and more money for a honeymoon (which we are skipping do to my work and us having 2 kids).

Why do your parents know who pays for what in your relationship? That is none of their business. What you and your FH decide works for you is no ones business.

Do what's make you and your husband happy. I want a wedding so I would take their money but I would put my foot down. Let them know that your marriage is not up for discussion. Let them k ow that you will have his back through it all. Like the vows say;forsaking all others. Meaning he comes first and their comments are not appreciated nor needed. For here on out keep them out of your business. Enjoy your wedding day and live your life and let them live theirs. Money is not everything.

If he made more than you, would they say the same? This type of patriarchal bullshit twists me UP.

Return the money and have the wedding you two can afford. It's not worth your parents trying to dictate your wedding.