Cancel Wedding and Elope?

Believe Me, I wanted to do that from the very beginning and still think about it from time to time but we are already so much invested. I say Go For It! I think you will be way better off and save funds!

The only problem is you sent Save the Dates, meaning "Invitation to follow"

Unless you want to send them something canceling the wedding or disinviting everybody, you have to invite them to your wedding.

I just don't see the point in cancelling a wedding when you are going to come back and still have a party?

Also, I think one of the most important things to realize when planning is that no one will be as excited for your wedding as you and FH are. That may really suck at times but it's the truth.

I feel like we need a little more information. None of your family is supportive? I'm sorry to hear that. If eloping is what you want and you won't regret it, do it. You and your future spouse have a nice intimate ceremony with just an officiant (whether that's at a courthouse or outside in a park or wherever, it's up to you) and enjoy a nice dinner or weekend away to celebrate, and then go on a honeymoon. None of us can decide this; only you know your family and friends dynamic and what's important to both of you.

ETA: I just realized you said you want an intimate party later. No. If you want a reception/party, then plan as you have been. Maybe just look at different dates so the people most important to you can go and see if you can re-schedule vendors. If you want to elope because of the reasons you said, I would not throw a party later. Also, because you sent save the dates, you'd need to notify people that you decided on a very intimate elopement instead and the original wedding plans are no longer happening.

I've been having those same thoughts. My Dad died 3/9; my Aunt died 3/29; and a very dear & close friend was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. If I hadn't sent out those damn STDs in January we would definitely be making some changes and cutting the guest list to our immediate family (parents, siblings & their spouses, siblings' kids) only.

Are you trying to avoid all the people you sent Save the Dates to by eloping and having an intimate party when you return? If that's the case, that can be really hurtful to the guests you already sent save the dates to. Save the Dates are a pre-invitation. I understand that it could be hurtful to not have your VIPs, maybe things will change by your wedding date. What are the specific reasons why they cannot make it to your wedding?

IrishBride, reason #1 why I am not doing save the dates. I do not want to get locked into any guests.

As you might imagine, I hear variations on this theme every day, and I say go for it. You simply tell your STD people (reason 293,352,453 why I hate them) that you've changed your plans and you will no longer be having the wedding. I'd do that as soon as you can.

Get a bouquet, a dress and an officiant. Do a fabulous little ceremony, just for you (and your witnesses, if you need them), go out for a lovely dinner and have a vacation! There really is no reason to throw a party for everyone else if that's not what you want.

Good luck!

It's your day... As long as you & your other half are happy that's all that matter

If you want to just elope and have a vacation after then go for it. You'd have to send cancellations to everyone you sent a STD to and I wouldn't recommend having a party afterwards if you're cancelling.

I'm with Celia. Plans change. Just notice everyone that your wedding is cancelled and go elope if that's really what you want to do.

I wouldn't have the party when you get back though. Just send out announcements that you got married privately. The end. Maybe you could have a big party for your first anniversary.

If you are going to cancel your wedding and elope, be absolutely certain that your reason for making such a dramatic change isn't an emotional reaction to learning that four of your honor attendants -- your best friends -- aren't going to show. There was a WW bride who recently reacted badly to the lack of guests at her wedding shower, and she reacted by canceling her wedding about a month before the event. She contacted all of her wedding guests, advised them of the cancellation, and made plans to elope. She came back shortly thereafter and said she now realized she acted hastily and regretted her decision. In the interest of full disclosure, I do have to say that she seemed far more emotional than you (hostile, even), but I would hate for you cancel everything and then, after having some time to process your disappointment, regret your decision.

I don't know how many people you've invited, but you will have to advise all of them, ASAP, that the wedding is canceled (due to those problem making STDs). Secondly, after canceling a wedding after STDs have already been sent, it would not be a great idea to have your elopement, a vacation, and then reissue invitations to a home reception to only a select few. It seems as though there is a part of you that wants a larger experience (you wrote, "of course we will throw an intimate party when we return).

It's your wedding, and this is a decision that needs to be made by you and your FH. However, just for balance, remember that two of your close friends ARE attending, and you only "feel" that some family members won't attend because of infighting. If another issue you have with them is that they haven't shown excitement or offered to help, I wouldn't make a decision based on that. I don't know if the help you're talking about is a commitment of time, effort, or money, but they really don't owe you any of that. As for the excitement factor, there's typically a small group of immediate family members who are genuinely excited about a wedding, and that will increase as the day gets closer (but if you're expecting other family members to invest much more than their attendance and a wedding gift, you're going to be disappointed).

That being said, I wish you the best -- whatever you decide.

GO for it! We did! Cancelled the whole thing, not having party after or anything. Just going to Costa Rica with our immediate family and bridal party. I feel 100x better and less stressed!!!

Elope. Enjoy yourselves. Don't do a big party when you get back. You will face the same troubles as before. Instead, entertain small groups of friends, and small groups or family, as a married couple. Stop getting mired in the details and logistics of getting everyone together, and the need for larger spaces. You will actually see and converse with people far more at a small event. Remember why you and your friends enjoyed each other's company in the first place

It is wrong to send save the dates, then not invite those people IF you hold the event. But in the event of cancellation with months of notice, you only owe a brief notice, and apology for any disruption your change of plans may have inadvertently caused. Get out from under

Girl, do you. I googled this because I am wondering the same thing. This big wedding thing is for the birds. I’m sorry wedding industry but you’ve lost your minds. The planing, expense, and stress is just not even the slightest bit enjoyable. To all the people you sent save the dates to, send a second “invite like” card, saying... “we do, we did, we eloped” add in small note expressing apologies but that the two of you chose to do what was best for you. It’s not rude if it’s what your heart and gut are telling you. They’ll get over it, just as fast as they’d forget what your centerpieces were.