Can you help?

Socialize with other guests and the couple getting married. Don’t approach anyone if they are no contact.

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Thanks, Michelle.

It's a difficult situation and it feels like I'll be damned if I do and damned if I don't but I'll certainly take your suggestion into consideration.

In most cases, depending on the situation, I would be the bigger person. Take the high road, say hello when you inevitably run into them, and be cordial if they are receptive, though not necessarily anything more than pleasantries and moving on. What would you like to have happen as far as the relationships, if anything?

Without knowing the circumstances it’s difficult to say more. Do they consider you at fault for something you did or is it the other way around?

I wouldn’t go out of my way to speak to them. If your paths crossed, I would be cordial – smile and say hello, then move along. A wedding is no time to potentially drag up old issues. If you feel that you want to speak with them, I would do so prior to the wedding- don’t risk bringing drama to the event

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Basically, the first situation with my cousins came after having been treated extremely rudely by them at my Godson's First Communion. I stopped contact with them hoping for an apology that never came. I did not see or speak to them for about 5 years but then decided to try to reconnect to no avail. Despite several attempts to reconcile which I intiated over the next 20 years the no contact continues.

The second situation with my cousins and my aunt came about after my mother passed away. Prior to her death my aunt and my mother had a falling out. Additionally, my mother felt hurt by my cousins with whom she had had very close relationships but who had seemed to have forgotten about her after they became adults. As my mother grew older she repeatedly told my brother and I that she did not want them to attend her wake or funeral saying, "if they can't respect me as I live I don't want them to come and pay their respects to me when I'm dead." While taking care of my mother throughout her last year of life, I tried to persuade her from this decision but she never wavered so my brother and I felt obligated to carry out her wishes. After being asked not to attend my mother's services per my mother's request my aunt and cousins became enraged with me and, again, despite multiple attempts to reconcile with them, they have not budged.

So, to answer your question, they consider me to be at fault and will not take any consideration as to the rationale for my behavior in either of these situations.

Although I would like to think that one day my relationships with them will change for the better, I have little hope that will become a reality.

Thanks so much for your reply. I will certainly take your advice to heart!

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It sounds as if you were between a rock and a hard place with respect to the funeral and that they are the stubborn, non-apologetic types. From what you describe, I'd handle it just as mentioned, with polite civility when you see them. You've made many attempts at reconciliation. Now the ball is in their court.

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Thank you!