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danilaughs
Expert August 2018

Can mob host a wedding shower?

danilaughs, on January 17, 2018 at 4:11 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25

My mom thinks it's against etiquette for her to host my wedding shower -- she wants to, but she doesn't want to offend anyone. I seem to remember seeing on here that that is old etiquette rules, and that it is now acceptable. Thoughts? Is it a no-no? Acceptable, but not advised? Or perfectly fine?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Cassidy, on March 1, 2022 at 2:26 PM
  • EngineerInLove
    VIP September 2018
    EngineerInLove ·
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    I think it's completely acceptable today, especially since brides are moving out of their parents' houses long before marriage in many cases. My mom and FMIL will both be hosting showers due to geographic locations.
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  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    It is more acceptable now because brides rarely go from their mother's house to their matrimonial home any longer. In the old days , the bride's mother was seen to be gift grabby on behalf of her daughter

    There are still some areas where conservative etiquette is still practiced in this area, but when it comes right down to it, a shower is about gifts, no matter who throws it.

    Emily Post has come around

    http://emilypost.com/advice/shower-etiquette/

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  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
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    I think its just fine!

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  • Amburgerr
    Devoted March 2018
    Amburgerr ·
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    In today's day and age I don't see that being a big problem. In today's society often times we live with our significant other or out of our parents house. Along with this sometime Brides even have their mother being their MOH, and in my experience that is usually who hosts the bridal shower. I wouldn't, and couldn't imagine someone else being upset or offended by a mother putting together a celebration and gathering for her daughter.
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  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
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    Everything about weddings is really old etiquette rules oh, it just depends on which one you choose to follow or not. People didn't used to live together, people got married when they were 19, people lived at home until they were married, no one had kids before they were married, no one got divorced, the bride's family pay for everything, the list could go on.

    Personally I still feel like it's tacky for an immediate family member to host a shower because seems like they are asking for presents. It also makes me feel a little sad that no other friend or more distant family member could honor the bride by hosting. What if your mom co-host with a friend or other family member?
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  • Emily
    Expert May 2018
    Emily ·
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    Ive never heard this. my mom insisted on helping planning mine! she is helping the bridesmaids plan and pay for it.

    honestly, i love my girls, but i know their budgets and financial situations, and if i left it to just them, i know for a fact i wouldnt be having a shower. they cant afford it and i would never in a million years push them to do something they cant afford, and honestly if they offered without help i would have been like NO PLEASE NO. i didnt think i was at all until a couple weeks ago when mom asked me how april would work. she's been talking with them to make one happen for me, which is amazing and greatly appreciated, though i said from the start i definitely didnt expect one.

    i dont think its rude or tacky or gift grabby anymore. i set up the registry, not my mother. it boils down to while she and my girls are throwing the shower for me, its about me as the bride. im honored my mom stepped in and helped my girls to plan one for me. i think its perfectly fine if your mom wants to contribute or plan/host it.


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  • J
    Expert May 2018
    J ·
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    From what I’ve read on here the MOH usually hosts the shower but it’s fine for anyone other than the bride herself to do it. Why do you think it’s tacky for an immediate family member to host it? What are people who have their sister as their MOH (which is very common) supposed to do? Aren’t bridal showers mainly about “showering” the bride with gifts, regardless of who hosts? If you’re really concerned about seeming like you want gifts then you should just decline to have a shower.
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  • BB-H
    VIP September 2018
    BB-H ·
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    Etiquette has shifted with many couples getting married after living on their own, or together, rather than starting fresh from their parents homes. So, it is acceptable for your family to throw you a shower. In this day and age, where the expected financial burden of paying for a wedding is now on the couple rather than the parents, pretty much anyone who isn't the couple themselves, can throw a shower for them.

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  • firstoneat56
    Master August 2017
    firstoneat56 ·
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    As long as you don’t throw it yourself, it’s totally fine.
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  • danilaughs
    Expert August 2018
    danilaughs ·
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    Awesome, thanks y'all. I don't have a MOH, so that's not an option. My bridal party consists of my two brothers (ages 16 and 17), my male BFF who lives 3 hours away, and a good girl friend who has been chipping in voluntarily with all sorts of stuff (that girl is addressing STDs with me this weekend -- I owe her a case of wine!), and I certainly don't want her to feel pressured to throw one since she's been under employed for a couple of years. And my mom has been so excited to do pretty much everything with me, so this is definitely good news to her Smiley smile

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  • Danielle
    VIP March 2018
    Danielle ·
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    My mom just threw me an absolutely beautiful shower! I say go for it.
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  • K
    Super March 2018
    K ·
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    My mom and sister (who is my MOH) will be hosting a couples shower for FH and I. My sister is only 13 and obviously cannot host all on her own.

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  • AugustBride
    Super August 2018
    AugustBride ·
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    My mom called dibs on throwing me the shower. She was so excited Smiley smile

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  • Emily
    Dedicated January 2018
    Emily ·
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    I was confused about this as well! I thought etiquette dictated that my mom couldn’t help host the shower but she did along with my sisters/MOH and she loved doing it!
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  • Julie
    VIP April 2018
    Julie ·
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    My mom hosted mine! Totally fine. It was beautiful
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  • A
    Devoted August 2018
    Alisa ·
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    My mom is hosting mine and I don’t think it wrong at all. If she wouldn’t have done it I wouldn’t even had a shower because both my sisters are bridesmaids and they don’t have jobs and can’t afford to give me one so my mom is giving it to me. I got to pick what I wanted the theme to be so we are doing a picnic bridal shower theme.
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  • FutureMrsN14
    Super July 2018
    FutureMrsN14 ·
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    I think it’s fine! The only thing unacceptable here seems to be a bride hosting her own.

    I was just a MOH for my bff and me and her mom hosted together. I think she plans to host mine with my mom as well.
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  • Munchkin9218
    Master September 2018
    Munchkin9218 ·
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    It use to be considered poor etiqeutte because the Bride's parents also paid for/hosted the reception. Now that most couples are paying for the wedding themselves or splitting the cost between themselves, the brides parents and the grooms parents its not really a big deal anymore. - so long as the bride isn't the one hosting the shower it doesn't really matter.


    My mom is helping plan my shower along with my bridesmaids who live in this area. It's not a big deal, and its honestly one of the least important pieces of etiquette to follow IMO

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  • laura
    Expert June 2017
    laura ·
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    Every single one of my friends moms has hosted a shower for them. Absolutely nothing wrong with that!
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  • Mrswelch
    Master December 2017
    Mrswelch ·
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    My Mom, who was also my matron of honor, hosted my bridal shower! A few years ago I was told that would normally be considered to be in poor taste, but what’s acceptable and what isn’t seems to have changed! What others have said make sense, about the reasons for this change, so I think it should be fine.
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