Can i unask a bridesmaid because my vision changed?

Is there a reason that you want to un-ask her specifically? I think that if you changed your mind and only do MOH then it would be more understanding than just eliminating her alone from the bridal party.

This is an extremely common question on the forum because brides ask the wrong people too early. A search of the forum (top right of the page) brings up countless posts on the topic. Once you ask them to step down, be aware it is a friendship ending move.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. If she's the only one you're asking to step down, that may not go well. If you've decided to only have a MOH or family-only wedding party, she will likely be more understanding.

I completely understand the excitement of wanting to ask so early, that being said you did still ask. It's recommended not to ask until max a year out. You told all the women that they are your nearest and dearest and couldn't see yourself getting married without them by your side. Atleast that's how I view bridal party members

It's one thing to not have a bridal party at all, that's more understandable then only cutting out the majority of the bridal party. No matter what, there will still be hurt feelings if you ask then to step down. Some relationships recover from that and others don't

That's the problem with asking a wedding party too early. We usually recommend about 9 months before the wedding

Your friend has done absolutely nothing wrong. To "un-ask" her now would likely end the friendship. "Un-asking" everyone will alienate all the people closest to you. You've given them an honour to celebrate how much they mean to you and then are thinking about taking it away.

What exactly about your vision changed? You said you asked way too many people but only want to cut one woman who is, in your words, a great friend?

Wow no, if you asked me not to be a bridesmaid because your vision changed, that would be very clear to me that I was a wedding prop versus a dear friend you wanted by your side. Definitely would not go over well.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree

It's smart to worry that asking and then unasking someone to be a bridesmaid might damage your relationship. The risk is real, but only you can decide if the risk is worth it. If she doesn't actually mean that much to you, then go ahead and just accept the consequences. But please, no matter what you do, don't tell her you don't want her any more because your "vision changed". That wording would be needlessly hurtful.

View Quoted Comment No reason really, weve decided on a ceremony location and it's quite small and I'm just feeling like I have too many people. When I brought this up with two of my bridesmaids, they said they had no problem and were happy to still be doing all the important things with me like bridal shower, destination bachelorette, and dress shopping. The friend I have yet to discuss it with is a newer friend than the two bridesmaids I've already spoken to.


I think my perspective is different because I was once unasked because one of my best friends a few years ago when she decided she only wanted two people instead of four and I didn't mind at all! I feel like I need insight on why the majority feel like it is a friendship ending decision?

View Quoted Comment We chose a very small ceremony space and I'm just feeling like I have too many. I've already talked to two bridesmaids and they are happy with whatever decision I make. The one I haven't spoken to yet is a newer friend. I made an honest mistake in asking too many people and asked too soon. I don't truly know what I want yet. I may have her be a bridesmaid after all, but I'd rather tell her sooner than later that I don't know what I want.

View Quoted Comment I don't think it's friendship ending in this case, especially if it's not only her that you are cutting from the bridal party. You simply just want a smaller bridal party - which you have every right.


I think they were referring to if you only cut her from your bridal party and kept everyone else. Like if you weren't happy with something she did and said "well I don't want you as a bridesmaid anymore" or something along the lines

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I really appreciate your input and support! She definitely hasn't done anything wrong and we see each other on a weekly basis. Thanks again!

If your only issue is that your location is small and you think it will look crowded with the amount of bridesmaids you have chosen, you can simply have them walk down the aisle and sit in the front row, instead of standing at the altar

View Quoted Comment The reason it considered a friendship ending move is because normally only closest friends are asked to perform a very honored role. Even if all you do in most cases is just stand up at the ceremony in support of the couple. When someone is asked to step down, it is a slap in the face because the unspoken message that is loud and clear is that they are no longer special or good enough for you. While that may not be your intention, that is why people say don’t do it unless you don’t mind the friendship ending.

If you end up just keeping the MOH and sister, then I think it’s a much easier pill to swallow and more of an understanding situation for all parties involved. Un-asking just one, single bridesmaid, however, is going to lead to confusion, hurt feelings, and as everyone else has pointed out, a potentially broken friendship. If I was asked to step down, but no one else was, I know my feelings would be really, really hurt.

View Quoted Comment

Agree with this! This is a good solution for the problem, as long as the only issue really is space.