can I un-invite the now ex of my brother from my wedding if he was invited before the divorce

I think in this circumstance, since they are no longer in a relationship, you are not obligated to invite him, especially if his behavior could be classified as abusive towards you, your FH or your brother. Properly hosting your guests includes not subjecting them to abusive behavior...

Note: punctuation helps.

PLS update your profile so we can get to know you!

ETA why did you send invites so early to begin with?

Hopefully the ex husband will have the common sense to realize he's not welcome. I can't imagine attending a wedding of family I just divorced from. But I think here, you could in-invite him. Or have your brother call and ask him not to come?

I agree with EC17. I would also inform my hostess to make sure he does not enter the wedding. I don't think he would want to come anyhow but some people try to find a reason to be a jerk during celebrations. Un-invite him. I would politely say "Due to the nature of our circumstances, I do not want to make my brother uncomfortable, therefore we would appreciate you respecting our wishes and not come to the wedding."

He probably wont come at all.

I also agree with EC17. And when did you send your invitations?! Why so early?

Since he was going to be invited as part of a social unit that has since split up, you can just leave his name off the formal invitation. This is acceptable.

Just invite your brother and give him a +1 if he wants one.

Wait, they recently got a divorce, but you already sent the invitations to a couple for a wedding that isn't happening until May? Why did you do that? It was far, far too early.

They aren't just separated -- they're divorced. Finished. Over. Done. Separate paths and separate lives. He is no longer a part of his ex-husband's family. Hopefully, he has the good sense (and desire) to move on from the past, and he won't even consider attending your wedding. Seriously, why would he? To cause a scene or to break his own heart? It's very doubtful that your wedding is even on his radar -- unless he's stalking your brother.

If you're really concerned about this, tell your brother to contact his ex-husband and explain to him that he's no longer invited -- nothing personal, something legal. I'm sure they have things to discuss (dissolving a marriage does require some personal communication). Let your brother handle it.

I doubt he will come, given he was nasty to your brother, fiance and you

I sent the invites two weeks ago. A lot of the places I looked to suggested sending them 1-3 months ahead of time. When I say the divorce just happened, it really did just happen. They were together and supposedly happy, and the next day he filed for a divorce from him. Obviously with much more of a backstory. This divorce is under way and it started last week.

I think it's common sense for him not to show up and consider himself uninvited at this point... you did say he was nasty about the whole thing. Why show up at any of my events if you're nasty to me?

You send invites 6-8 weeks out, your wedding is in May. The earliest you should have sent them is the end of March.

You don't uninvite. You see if he declines. I'm assuming though that you would have addressed it to your brother and his husband by name, so have you actually received their RSVP? When is your RSVP date?