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Remember Me
Just Said Yes June 2016

Can i not attend?

Remember Me, on September 22, 2021 at 4:37 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18
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My husband is the best man to his cousins wedding. While I love his cousin and know him, I feel really uncomfortable attending. Im disabled, in a wheelchair, with a service dog and pregnant (6 month at the time of wedding) and Ive lost 5 family members in the last year (not due to covid). I have had to come off all my antidepressants, anxiety, and pain meds for this pregnancy so Im feeling about as one would imagine. Ive had my service dog 4 years so this is not a new development. I reminded them my dog would be coming, they said they would think about it... My dog is a real service dog. Perfectly behaved. Not bark risk. He would be right by me the whole time. So I was a little taken aback. We just discovered Someone was invited that we were told wouldnt be invited cause 4 years ago she threatened me, was racist, and hoped I died in childbirth, all while I was pregnant with my first child. Now I really am scared. I already dont feel comfortabled without my dog, but without my husband nearby too? Now SHE is coming? Im absolutely overwhelmed at the idea of going. Its out of state in November. My husband would be gone a week so I would have to go with him but could I just stay in the hotel? I hint to my MIL I might not go and Im told to suck it up for one day, I will be fine cause I wont be alone, etc. I said I might just stay for the cermoney then take a taxi to the hotel and was told again to just stay. Would I be rude to not go? Am I just hormonal and over reacting? I hate people so I would be the chick in the wheelchair in a cornor all night seeing as though I cant even dance with my husband.

18 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Coakley, on September 25, 2021 at 5:23 AM
  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    You've named multiple reasons why you feel disregarded including feeling unsafe. You are valid. This is just a wedding. Pass and stay home. If they ask, tell them "not at this time". It is no one's business why a guest declines. And don't talk about this with the MIL anymore.
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  • devotedlydavis
    Expert March 2022
    devotedlydavis ·
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    I would not go since you’re pregnant. Covid has shown to be dangerous for pregnant women with complications for both you and the baby. It’s not worth the risk, especially if you won’t be comfortable anyway.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    ALL OF THIS
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  • S
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    Those are all very valid reasons not to go and honestly, even if you just had one of those reasons I wouldn't go. You need to do was is best and safest for you and it sounds like that means not going. I hope things turn around for you. Good luck!

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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Your reasons are valid & reasonable. No is an acceptable answer, you don’t need to give a reason why to anyone.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Your reasons are valid and it’s time to set boundaries. People who don’t respect you and just think you should “suck it up” aren’t worth your energy. Stop discussing this with your MIL, decline the invite and move on to setting more boundaries with these family members.
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  • Layla
    Layla ·
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    Wow I’m so sorry you have to deal with all of this. There are so many reasons why I do not think you should feel obligated to attend… specifically the fact that they said they’ll ‘think about’ letting your service dog attend, and that they told you that lady was not going to be there but now she is. Also, the fact that you’re pregnant puts you at higher risk for Covid complications so for that reason alone I think you have a great excuse to not go. You have a lot on your plate, if you’re unable to be home alone while your husband is at the wedding, I’d just try to make it a little vacation at the hotel. Do they have a spa or something you can do while he’s at the wedding?
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  • J
    Super March 2022
    JA ·
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    Your reasons are more than valid, any reason to decline is valid and it is nobody's business why you don't want to/can't go. I'd stop talking to MIL about it too. Sounds like she isn't being respectful

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    Any of the reasons on their own would be enough not to attend, nevermind them all compounded. Absolutely skip the wedding. Best of luck and good health in your future.
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  • N
    Expert June 2021
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    Protect your peace. Protect your mental and emotional health. Protect yourself and your baby from covid and stay home. You shouldn’t have to endure all this stress for a wedding and then be disregarded for your feelings on top of it. You are completely valid in not attending.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Your reasons not to attend are perfectly valid. It’s crappy of them to knowingly disrespect your comfort level and boundaries. You are not required or obligated to attend under any circumstances. If they say anything negative as a result, they are in the wrong, not you.
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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
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    You don't need any reason to decline attending other than, "I'm not comfortable."

    Do not justify yourself, because it gives validity to people's objections.

    You are not comfortable. Do not go.

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  • Dayna
    Expert September 2021
    Dayna ·
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    I would not go. Honestly, even without all of the reasons you have, you have the right to not go. Two of our wedding party members are not bringing their spouses due to work conflicts, and since the wedding party will be busy all day and their spouses don't really know anyone else there to hang out with, it makes complete sense for them not to come.

    It's unacceptable that they would consider not letting you bring your service dog. Do what you need to do to protect your physical and mental health.

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  • C
    Savvy April 2023
    Chelsea ·
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    Easiest decision ever! Don't give this person the satisfaction of starting drama at the wedding, which i'm sure they would love to do because they are terrible. Enjoy a night at home doing whatever you want. You as many calm days of doing whatever you want before the baby anyway.

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  • Fiona
    Super May 2024
    Fiona ·
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    What does your husband say? Does he support your decision? I think it would be better if you didn't go by the sounds of it. It sounds like you would just be miserable and that wouldn't be good for you at all.

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  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
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    They'll "think about it" regarding your service dog? That alone would have me going NC with that cousin!

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    You don't need "reasons". You don't feel comfortable going. End of story. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone.

    Is your husband on the same page as you with this? Why does he need to be gone a week?

    I hope the best for your health and your pregnancy. Take care.

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  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
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    It's perfectly okay not to attend!! And don't feel bad about it either. You need to protect your physical and mental health. For reference, my DH was best man at a wedding this past December (I was 34/35 weeks pregnant) -- it was 2 hours away and it was a snowstorm. I stayed home. No one was upset!

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