Can I have a shower if I am eloping?

I think the general rule is that no one should be invited to a shower that isn't invited to the wedding. You may get some cards with money but I wouldn't "expect" it. I would probably send out some sort of announcement to my family just with a picture or two of us but nothing about gifts.

ETA: is there a specific reason why you are hiding that you are going to Italy?

I eloped. We did get some cash at our COM but I didn't register. It didn't feel right.

You are having a wedding. It's a really small, intimate one. They could invite people who are invited to the wedding. But that's it. It would be really gift grabby to invite anyone who isn't on the wedding list.

You only invite people to your shower that are coming to your wedding. Since you are not having guests at your wedding, you cannot have guests at your shower. It would be very gift grabby.

Maybe you could just throw a bridal shower but make it absolutely no gifts allowed. More of like a get together, bring some food play some games but no gifts. That way you get to celebrate being a future bride and get friends and family together to meet before you have the celebration after your wedding. It might make people feel more included and less likely to have hurt feelings for not being invited to the ceremony in Italy.

If anyone offers to throw you a shower, I would remind them that you are having a small wedding and that you don't want to aks anyone who won't be invited to come to a shower for you. I would offer the alternative of hosting a luncheon instead (be sure that the invites don't say "shower") and give out registry info.

Thanks Everyone!

@Spaghetti - we aren't telling people because we know people will throw their opinions in the mix....'why do you have to go away' 'why don't you have it here so people can go' 'don't you want your family there' ' what about your parents' etc etc. So many weddings are about making other people happy, so when we talked about it we decided this is what would make us the happiest.

@Courtney-It can't be a shower if there's no gifts, that's what a shower is for.

You can have a get together, so long as it's not wedding related.

You shouldn't have a shower based on how you described your situation. They're not invited to the wedding so they shouldn't be invited to the shower. ( unless the shower only includes those 4 people you did invite). It would be seen as rude and gift grabby

No shower. i think if they want to throw some sort of celebration of marriage party for you after the elopement, that would be okay, but i wouldn't register or expect gifts.