Can i have a "better late than never" engagement celebration to lure people to a surprise wedding?

I wouldn’t do this unless you’re both 100% ok with people that are important not showing up. I wouldn’t travel several states away for an engagement party, but I would travel for a wedding.

I second Sarah. Surprise weddings are going to be rough because undoubtably people will come up with conflicts and decide against the travel, thinking it's just a party.

I don't think this is a great idea. People may not go out of their way to go to what they believe to be an engagement party, but most would go out of their way to attend a wedding of someone they cared about. I would be upset if I got invited to an engagement party that I wasn't able/willing to make the trip for (since it's not a super important event), only to find out I had missed the actual wedding of someone close to me. I think this is too risky.

I sort of did that with my first marriage and although everyone that I wanted was there, and people had a good time, a lot of my family was PISSED. I guess they got butthurt because it wasnt a super traditional, upscale wedding. They stopped talking to me after that, and I really couldnt care less (almost ten years later) going forward into this marriage.


Serving pizza and beer both times, no flips given.

I wouldn’t travel for an engagement party 15 months after the fact. If you’re fine with having a high decline rate, go for it.

There are quite a few issues with having a surprise wedding (an event that, in and of itself, is a logistical web for the couple and the guests), but the main reason, as PPs said, is that people are not nearly as likely to travel for an engagement party (let along a super delayed one) as they are for a wedding.

I definitely wouldn't do a surprise wedding especially if you are disgusing it as an engagement party. Lots of people skip engagement parties if they live as far as your fiance's family does especially after you've been engaged for so long. If you are okay with not having everyone you want there then you can go for it, but it think you will anger guests that wanted to attend your wedding, but didn't travel that far for just an engagement. I for one think it is wrong to lie to your guests.

The issue with an engagement celebration is that people don’t prioritize it like they would a wedding, and I think you’ll find that even more so the later after your actual engagement it gets. Someone who would absolutely clear their schedule to attend your wedding may not do the same for an engagement party partly because they’re anticipating the actual wedding, so it becomes an “oh I’ll skip this as I know I have that to look forward to” ...so, it doesn’t seem like a great opportunity for a surprise wedding . Potential for hurt feelings on both sides. For guests who missed out even though they wouldn’t miss your wedding for the world (but thought this was just an excuse for a low key get together) and for you if you’re missing some very important faces in the crowd. In my life, we’ll typically go to an engagement party if it’s convenient, but it’s not something we’d go out of our way for — we wouldn’t travel to an engagement party if we were anticipating attending the actual wedding (and all its related costs!). Maybe it’s my crowd or my area, but they don’t tend to be a big deal here, so, for us it’d be a bad surprise.

I just recently went to a “we’re getting married” party. This couple got engaged 3 years ago, they’re getting married this summer and last month had a “We’re getting married” party! Super fun! Everyone brought a gift or card even though there was no registry or anything like that in place.


I got engaged November 2018, and my engagement party is this summer! 🤷‍♀️

I actually love the idea and think it is super cute. The only thing I would really worry about is everyone traveling for an engagement party. I guess you could keep with your plans and if everyone you both want there shows then go through with it but if they don't then just keep it as an engagement party brunch so there is no ruined surprise for anyone that wasn't able to make it and maybe plan a small, simple wedding soon after so that everyone can make it.

View Quoted Comment Just doing it mainly for his family - that all live there. (And a few mutual friends that are up there) we plan to have another celebration in our home state with our family and friends here.

The timing of your "engagement party" in relation to your actual engagement isn't the issue at all. I would listen to all the people here who said they wouldn't travel to or prioritize attending an engagement party like they would for a wedding (I am the same).

So, you have to ask yourself if you are OK with the people who won't be there because they didn't know it was a wedding. And the hurt feelings that might ensue from the deception. If you are, then proceed.

View Quoted Comment The timing was my concern. This is a surprise wedding in NY for only the people who live in NY. I'm planning on having a small celebration at our home in NC a few weeks after with our friends and family here (my family, who is ok with the plan) but didnt know if such a long time post engagement would be weird. Thanks for the input!

You could start like an engagement and if you get a lot of declines then tell those people. If you can trust them. If not I would just shoot for a wedding and have fun with it! Good luck and Congratulations!

I am doing the same thing. My 'engagement' party will be about 10 months after we got engaged. My family all live away so they have been trusted with the secret and told that if they spill, then they are uninvited. That way, they know and will make the effort to come. I say go ahead and do it if that is what you want to do!!!