"Can I bring my kids???"

Don't make exceptions unless the kids are in your wedding party. I think you're right on that, an exception for one is rude to others.

I don't think you are responsible for providing childcare, because they aren't required to come to the wedding. Depending on the area/who you know, you could provide names of babysitters you trust, but I think most parents wouldn't feel comfortable leaving their child with a stranger! I know we have a lot of babysitters from our church that we trusted, and passed that info along to people bringing kids (we are allowing kids, but still wanted others to have an option). But we also knew that most people wouldn't be comfortable with that (understandably) and it might mean that we got more declines, which we were okay with.

I personally am not against having kids at the wedding, but what I am against is other people making you feel like you have to bend to what they want. I have done that through this whole process and it has made me so stressed. I would stick to your choice and as long as you are accepting of the fact that you might get some declines, that's the end of it! I think 45 young kids is a lot and that makes sense to not want running around.

ETA: fixed wording.

Ugh, I'm in the same boat.

You're not responsible for their childcare, and shouldn't have to go out of your way to accommodate them. On my end, I just wrote on my wedding website that we only have so many seats reserved per household. If they keep asking maybe just kindly respond with something along those lines.

I love children and have 2 myself. I don't bring them to weddings unless they are in them or I was told to. My cousin is getting married in a few months and she put on her invitations that it is not a child friendly wedding. I would definitely suggest doing that. I am also going to do that when I get to that point.

45 kids sounds disgusting. Stand your ground!

I did not make any exceptions for children at our wedding except for my own, and children in the wedding party. Child care isn't your responsibility, people are adults and have ample time to find care prior to the wedding.

As a compromise I've seen people hire a babysitter for the wedding to watch the kids, either on site or somewhere else. It's great because kids get bored at weddings anyway so they can hang out watch movies, play video games, and be safe with a baby sitter while Mom and Dad party the night away.

I agree with the no exceptions rule. If they're out of town and don't know any local childcare, I think its fine to help them find some childcare but otherwise its their own responsibility, in my opinion.

@MrsPope hit the nail on the head!

So I agree with not making exceptions but I also don't think it's necessarily a huge faux pas for someone to politely ask if they can bring their kids. Many people aren't up to speed on wedding etiquette. They may not have attended many or any weddings and may not understand the way addressing invites works. I don't think asking is rude but it's rude if they don't graciously accept your "no."

I recently had this discussion with my parents and FILs - "What if someone adds a child to the RSVP?" Well, then they'll be getting a phone call from me, and a polite "No."

I agree, adults can act like adults and find their own child care. If I had children, I wouldn't assume they were invited everywhere, and I would put the onus on the host(ess) to entertain my little darlings; they can jolly well stay home while Mommy and Daddy enjoy a night out!

I offered anyone coming from out of town the number of a babysitting service that friends have used in the past. If they weren't comfortable with that I told them that I was sorry that I was not able to invite kids and if they were not able to make it I understood and would miss them.

I'm having no kids as well, except for the bridal party and their siblings (so four total and they're my nieces and nephews). However, I was told that I should allow OOT guests to bring their children because of the childcare issues. They can't just leave the children at home and it's hard to find childcare somewhere that you've never been. I wouldn't want to travel out of state with my children and take them to a random stranger's house for the day while I go to a wedding. That being said, it's totally up to you. I had a cousin (through marriage) tell me that she might not come to my wedding because it's no kids and she doesn't know if she can find a babysitter. However, I know if she really wants to come that her mom would gladly watch her daughter.

They can find someone they just choose not too. People make things happen for things they feel important.

You are allowed to set the rules for your wedding, although I know it is easier said than done! If you don't want children there, that's the answer. If they can't find childcare, then they don't come. It seems like a bit of a tantrum to not come because of that. You're telling me nobody in the family knows ANYBODY who can't watch the kids that night? Where are all the other kids going then?

You have to do what's going to be best for your day. Hopefully your family understands!

We had a few out of towners not come because ours was a child-free wedding. I offered names of people I knew and trusted in the area who could watch little ones and let the parents decide from there. You are within your right to stand your ground but I don't think it would hurt to offer suggestions for child care. And if someone cannot come because of a child care issue, that is unfortunate but the way it goes sometimes.

"How nice they want to celebrate with us but they would be so bored."

"Our guests are looking forward to letting loose a bit, you can understand."

"No."