Can i Ask Someone to Host a Bridal Shower?

Since your good friends are not local, I think you can ask a friend to coordinate a ladies brunch, nail appt, etc. the morning of your rehearsal dinner when everyone will be in town. You would pay. A separate occasion for others to fly out will certainly be a bigger ask. In this case, I would heed Alyssa's input and call it a bachelorette with friends where you can plan yourself. They would still toast you in either situation. You will have other occasions to include your FMIL.

Even with all of that backstory and context, I just don't think there's any polite way to do this: "I just want to have someone plan a special day for me." Lots of people are not planners and don't enjoy or have the financial/time means to plan/host/throw parties. That's why it's not appropriate to ask for such a huge gift.

If someone offers, then you know they actually want to/are able to do it. As soon as you ask, you are putting pressure on someone, and though they may agree because of that pressure, it can often end really, really badly (like, loss of friendship badly! We see this here all the time).

I promise you that your wedding day will feel like a special day and celebrating with your loved ones on that day will be enough.

"I think I’m mostly struggling with the fact that I honestly don’t have the capacity to plan something for myself, and so the only option seems to be to hope that someone volunteers."

Really, that's how it is for everyone. I realize that, being older, it may not seem that way, but you can search on this site to find younger brides in the same position. A lot of them don't get showers or bachelorettes thrown for them. But, as Maggie said, even without a shower or bachelorette, celebrating with your loved ones that day will special, and enough.

I'm sorry for your losses, that's tough to be without your parents.

It's not a good idea to ask someone to have a party for you, because it really puts them on the spot. It might be perceived as gift grabby. The point of the shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts to use so it is a gift giving event.

First I am extremely sorry for your losses - I personally do not think it would be rude to ask a close friend/friends if it would be something they could help with. Ultimately you know your friends better than anyone on this thread responding and if you feel they would be open to it knowing you want one - then you should ask. I also agree with you that a bridal shower is not only about gifting to younger brides - it is certainly more about showing support and love for the bride and her spouse of ANY age. Typically, sure, it could be for a younger couple, but I 100% disagree with the people saying you wouldn't need one because of your age. I have found that even when someone writes out discussions very clearly and makes it a point that they just need advice on navigating a topic - people comment as though you are a complete imbecile for asking someone to help plan/host your bridal shower lol I asked a similar question on this discussion last night and I am dumbfounded as to some of the comments people make, but everyone has their own opinion.

I do agree with the person above that you could arrange a "wedding weekend" since so many people will travel and set aside some time to do something special with the women in your life you want to be involved. This could still be something you ask a friend to help plan/coordinate too! I hope this helps - good luck & congrats!