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Just Said Yes November 2022

Can anyone relate? fmil invited to dress shopping?

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Michaela, on October 21, 2019 at 9:41 PM

I’m still a ways out from dress shopping so I have time to decide. I have a wonderful relationship with my FH family and I love them all so much! I am trying to decide if I should invite my FMIL to go dress shopping with me and my mom. Here are some details:
-My FMIL lives in another state, but would at least try to be there for dress shopping if invited
-My FH middle brother is getting married in June, they also live in a different state than FMIL and she attended the dress shopping for FSIL

The main reason I’m torn is because I’m an only child, and throughout all my life every prom and formal dress shopping was just me and my mom. So it seems fitting that wedding dress shopping is once again, me and mom. It’s kind of become one of our “things” throughout my life and I treasure those memories I have of spending time with her doing these things. I want to do a first look with my bridal party, so I won’t be having any of them come with me. Aside from now feeling a little obligated to invite FMIL dress shopping (because she was included in FSIL) I’m worried that if I don’t at least invite her it will look bad as well as hurt her feelings, which I don’t want to do. She doesn’t have any girls so this would really be the only opportunities she has to do something like this. But I don’t really want to give up the last time my mom and I will have to do something like this together just us, which I realize is a bit selfish of me

It’s hard asking for advice from FH, my mom, and my friends, because they all just tell me the same thing which is “You don’t have to bring anyone with you that you don’t want to”.

I guess I just want to know if anyone else has dealt with this, and if so what you decided to do?

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34 Comments

Devoted January 2021
Natalie · on October 23, 2019 at 1:39 PM
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I went with my mom, my sister, my best friend, and my future MIL. She lives in another city about 3 hours away, I told her I would love for her to come but I understood if she didn't want to make the drive. She was so honored that I asked (she doesn't have daughters and my other 2 future sisters in law didn't ask her when they got married) so she was more than happy to drive up.
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Dedicated August 2020
Erin · on October 23, 2019 at 4:46 PM
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I'm not able to related to being an only child....however, I am the only girl so while my mom has shopped for prom/formal events with my brother, there was a different dynamic. I did invite my FMIL to go dress shopping with me. Like you, I have a wonderful relationship with his family and since she does not have any daughters it was a nice for her to be able to experience that part of wedding planning. Personally, I think it made her more excited for the wedding and enjoyed being invited and that it was a thoughtful gesture! If you feel like her input is valuable and she will enjoy being there then by all means invite her along. Ultimately, as PP have said, it is up to you.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on October 24, 2019 at 12:05 PM
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I invited both mom and FMIL and my sister and I really enjoyed having all 3 of them. my FMIL wasn't vocal about much, only positives and some stories from her wedding.

Have you talked to your mom about it? to see if she expects it to be just the two of you.

Also, you could always invite FMIL to fittings or to the bridesmaid dress shopping.
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Master May 2020
Kari · on October 25, 2019 at 10:40 AM
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First figure out what YOU want. If you'd prefer it just be you and your mom, that's ok. If you are close with your FMIL, just have a conversation with her and explain how important it is for this to be a moment between you and your mom. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your FMIL, so I'm sure she will understand.
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Super July 2020
Stephanie · on October 25, 2019 at 11:09 AM
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I say just talk to your mom about about how you feel. Everything you just said in your paragraph, say it to her.
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Super December 2021
Alyssa · on October 28, 2019 at 2:36 PM
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I live in different states/countries than my mom and my entire bridal party, so when FH got engaged I knew that I was not going to have an entourage for shopping. My parents came for a weekend trip to celebrate our engagement and we went to 2 dress appointments then (just me and my mom) which is when I bought my dress. FMIL lives 1000 miles away and it would have been nearly impossible for me to include her.
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Savvy June 2021
Jacklyn · on October 28, 2019 at 4:15 PM
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I think its always your decision. I decided to take my parents first because my dad is actually interested in that kind of thing. But I made my decision with my MOH and FMIL as well. I am really happy I did, it definitely created a nice bonding moment before the stress of planning.
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Devoted September 2019
Caitlyn · on October 28, 2019 at 8:45 PM
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I invited my MIL to go dress shopping with me and my mom but she politely declined because she thought it should only include the two of us since it's such a special moment. Also worth pointing out, MIL only has one child - my husband. That being said she enjoyed the initial moment of seeing me in my dress at the ceremony.
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Devoted May 2021
Trinity · on October 29, 2019 at 1:30 PM
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My FMIL also lives out of state. I didn't invite her to wedding dress shopping. My mom didn't want to go, so I ended up just going with my sister most of the time. Nothing wrong with that.
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Savvy June 2020
Sheryl · on October 29, 2019 at 9:36 PM
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I totally feel you on being torn to ask your FMIL, I say you should. That was my plan to ask my FMIL and FSILs but they were in the middle or just moved out of state so they had a lot on their minds and I didn’t want to get in the way of them moving. I think it’s a nice gesture and definitely a more bonding type of moment.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on October 30, 2019 at 5:36 AM
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Well I understand what you are saying with it being special and there are 2 things I can offer. First is that you are expanding your family and if it is bothering you and you are torn have the conversation with your mom telling her that you are thinking about inviting her and or you can invite her for your first fitting just you and her . She can see the dress and maybe you can loo for a particular color/ style you want her to wear and then get lunch or mani/pedi together make a day out of it so she still feel special.
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Dedicated September 2021
Th · on August 2, 2020 at 9:08 PM
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I was torn myself since I am very close with my mom and didn’t want a ton of people there when I was trying on dresses. But I actually lucked out bc of covid I was only allowed 2 people with me at the first place and had already invited my MOH, so I let fmil know she could come to the next shop w me and she seemed to understand. I ended up getting a dress at the first shop and it wasn’t an issue
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Devoted February 2024
Martha · on August 4, 2020 at 5:26 PM
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I have decided that I really want it to be my mom, my sister/MOH and my youngest sisters (twins) on my first try at a dress shop. Its a bonding experience for us all, I get teary eyed lol. I like my FMIL and my FSIL but i feel that first time it will be my family only. FMIL and FSIL will come to all the fittings if the like, and or I may need more than one trip if I don't find THE ONE. I really hope I find THE ONE on the trip with my mom though, we live in different states and I think it would means a lot to her and me.
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VIP June 2019
MIWM · on August 5, 2020 at 8:34 PM
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I didn't invite my mother in law dress shopping. It was just my mom and I
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