Can a family member or friend marry us in Virginia? How?

Although there are officiants on here, a google search specific to your area should yield great results as well.

Looks like Virginia is a tough state to do this. I wouldn't change the legality of your marriage on this. Hire a pro and they will craft a ceremony that is very personal to you.

I don't know about the official process to go through but Celia just said on another thread like this yesterday that a friend of hers went through the channels and it was a holy pain. You're probably better off just hiring a pro who is already ordained. I do know that online ordination are not recognized in VA, so that's out.

Is there a particular reason why you want a family member or friend?

They can become an ordained minister and then perform the ceremony. If the reason you are doing this is just to save money I would suggest against it though. Someone who has never been an officiant is likely to not do the best job and do you really want to risk that on your wedding day?

It's actually pretty difficult in my limited understanding. A friend wanted a pastor friend to do theirs, and even though he was a recognized practicing pastor in the state, he hadn't reached the highest level of ordination and was not allowed to say the most important words at the end. They ultimately blended the ceremony between two officiants, which actually worked out well, but you have to have two people experienced with that sort of to not have it weird/disastrous.

ETA: typo

You could go to the courthouse and get legally married a few days/week ahead of time, not tell everyone, and have your friend or family member perform the ceremony. I know someone who had to do this because they were getting married in a different state and somehow the person marrying them's credentials wouldn't transfer to that state.

It's pretty difficult unless they're already ordained (it can't be through a website, Virginia doesn't recognize it).

No @Katy H. The day you are legally married is your wedding day and not telling guests that you're already legally married and they're watching a vow renewal is lying to your family and friends. OP, please don't do this.

Why not just hire a pro? Just have your friend/family member open and close the ceremony, and have the pro do the legal part. ETA spelling

I admit to wanting to do this before I got on WW and realized it's not a good idea and heard so many horror stories. The research I found in VA is that the person must be a minister of a church. If I remember correctly, we found some loophole but it didn't work for us anyway because the person we wanted wasn't a resident of VA.

FWIW, I wouldn't suggest it. I understood the desire to have the person be someone you know well. I thought it would make it more special. But a true professional officiant will make your ceremony special and personal even though they haven't known you that long. That's their job. Remember it's the most important vendor you book. And there are legal logistics to the job too. Please consider hiring a professional.

I think you can get ordained online. Google can help I'm sure. Make sure the person you choose is very comfortable speaking in front of people and is willing to practice a little.

Erin Wood that doesn't work for Virginia.

@Erin that's not recognized in the state of Virginia so getting ordained online isn't an option.

A coworker of mine had a family member get ordained, a couple of weeks later she found he didn't follow all the steps and he did not send in proper paper work in. So her wedding was not legal and she had to go to the court house.

You can't have someone get ordained online and preform a wedding in Virginia. They have a One Time Celebrant option. Where are you located in Virginia?

HIre a pro. Virginia is very tough, in addition to the other problems with having an inexperienced person marry you. Erin, don't give legal advice. In this case, you're dead wrong. In NJ the clerks are flat out insane because so many family members are doing weddings and they have no idea how to do the paper work or fix anything that goes wrong. At the very least these couples have their 'real' licenses delayed, which is a very terrifying thing if you're dealing with visa issues or health insurance that requires it.

Lets not get into the 'getting legally married on the day" discussion, because it's a different discussion....

When I called in Fairfax County to discuss having a one time officiant the fee was what was messing me up. You put down $500, but it was never listed what happens to that money or what it is actually for. It turns out that what happened in Virginia was that so many people were doing the One Time Officiant, but the officiant wouldn't come back with the signed paperwork, so there were just a bunch of couples thinking it's official when it really wasn't. They had to write it into law that you put down $500, you marry the people, you bring back all the paperwork correctly done and you get the $500 back and it's official.

If it truly is a money issue, you could find a current sitting judge A current sitting judge cannot take money for it. Then you just give them "thank you" gift at the ceremony. FYI ask their clerk ahead of time if the thank you needs to be an actual gift or can it be a cash tip. Some won't even except a cash tip. My best friend had to buy and actual gift (she bought a nice leather organizer)

I live in Virginia but am luckily getting married in West Virginia and my stepdad will be able to marry us (he has officiated in the past). Depending on where you live you could border hop for the wedding (Maryland and WV are both easy, idk about KY/TN/NC/DC) if you are close. Obviously I wouldn't recommend booking somewhere you don't like or is inconvenient just for this purpose; it just happened to work out for us.

Thanks all for the help! We will look for a professional. We just though it would be more personal if it was someone we knew.

We are getting married at the courthouse and then having our friend perform the ceremony on our wedding day . She is already ordained but we're having a hard time getting it figured out on the paperwork side for Virginia so we are just doing the courthouse thing for the legality of the marriage and then we still have her performing our ceremony. We want her to marry us because she is important to us and we view it as more personal especially since she's already officiated quite a few weddings. We also are not religious and do not want to be married by someone associated with a religion.