Can a bride tell you no to certain people as the plus 1?

Has this person been violent, racist, homophobic, etc.? Are they an ex of the bride? There are reasons that a bride should veto your plus one, but without having the backstory, there's no real way to know.

They have met the bride once or twice in passing that is it.

Weddings are priced per person so the bride/groom or whoever pays for the wedding pay per head. While it is more polite to include all married, enaged, or seriously dating couples, the wedding couple decides on a guest list they can afford. Sometimes this includes not allowing plus 1s who are dating more casually. If the wedding is more intimate and smaller, the hosts will be even more exclusionary. Deciding a guest list isn't easy.

The proper etiquette states that no, she shouldn't unless there are valid reasons: if they are violent, racist, if they dislike the bride and/or the groom, if they have a track record, are often kicked out of bars, if they are well known for being an unrully guest, etc... Other than that, she shouldn't dictate anything on this and neither should her fiance.
However some couples only want people they met at least once before the RSVP due date, so nobody is introduced to them on their big day and +1 who are a spouse,fiancé(e), cohabiting partner and non-cohabiting but serious partner.

Absolutely not. Unless the individual you wanted to bring has a very negative or volatile relationship with the bride or groom, or the individual poses a threat by attending the wedding, then the bride absolutely should not be dictating who your plus one is!

View Quoted Comment

I understand this but I was given a plus 1, she just wants to pick who my date is and i don't think thats appropriate. am i wrong in thinking this?

Many people feel the wedding party should get to bring a date, but there can be exceptions. Is this guy your boyfriend (as in you have been in an exclusive relationship for several months, not like you met him on Bumble 2 weeks ago)? Is it a very small guest list? Could this guy have said or done anything to offend the bride, groom, or their family members in the past?

If your invitation was written as “Amanda XXX and Guest” and did not name a specific person as your date, no technically she can’t dictate who you bring as your guest. I agree with PPs though, perhaps this is someone that has done something to her or her FH? If not though, she should let you bring them.

View Quoted Comment

It is just an ex boyfriend from a decade ago that I have remained good friends with and she therefore does not approve of. Nothing violent, hasn't done anything to her. A very mature, working adult

Nope she doesn’t get to dictate that. However since he was once involved in your life there may be something there that she hasn’t told you. She may have a reason that she considers valid.

View Quoted Comment

Then no, she doesn't get a veto.

Well this is a yes and no and can comprise. Unless she did a count and she couldn't stretch another person in. But if the bride invited you to come to her wedding surely she will have thought you were going to bring someone like come on. And this is why we asked how many people were going to attend so they can be counted. As unsaid in the beginning of my statement if wasnt enough of space or she had reached her limit. Everyone is counted even wedding party and bride and groom. Well I hope that you were able to bring a date

I mean there is a difference here between can and should. Should she?? Absolutely NO. It’s very uncool. But can she actually bar someone from attending her wedding if she doesn’t want them there? Maybe. So, it’s rude of her to tell you no, and I’d be with you if it made you back out of participating in her wedding. But if we all say “no she can’t do that!” and you decide to bring him anyway, she could also not have a seat or a meal for him and that’s the end of that! It is *her* wedding— it doesn’t give her the right to be a jerk, but it does probably mean she can make that ‘no’ a reality. ….not to imply you were necessarily considering that at all, but figured it was worth clarifying . She’s being super rude but if the question is “can she deny a guest entry” the answer to that would be a technical yes.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you all for the advice! The invites have not been sent out yet, just the save the dates, and it is not a small wedding so it wouldn't affect head count. I think i have made my decision to back out over it. Thanks for all of your opinions!

If there are valid, legitimate reasons for her to say no to your plus one, then she has that right but if she's just saying no just because then I don't think it's fair of her to do that. But ultimately it's their decision.