Calling all 413 brides.....Jack & Jill party

Also, in response to the direct question, the Jack and Jill is usually 2-4 months before the wedding. An engagement party is totally optional and (if you choose to have one) is held no longer than 2-3 months after engagement, usually a gathering to announce your engagement to everyone and celebrate together.

A Jack in Jill party as it's called in New England, or Stag and Doe as it's know in Canada, is a big party thrown for, and in some cases by the bride and groom, and acts as a fundraiser for an upcoming wedding. It's a great party where anyone and everyone (not only those invited to the wedding) can purchase tickets (usually around $35 per couple) for a great night out. The tickets usually include food, alcohol, a DJ and dancing. For fun there are usually various raffles, games, and prizes.

Those not from areas where a Jack and Jill party are common may feel this is strange or "tacky"; asking for friends and family to pay to go to a party, or inviting those not invited to the wedding. Think of it more as a fundraising kegger. People are not just giving you cash for your wedding. People are buying tickets for a night out. $35 a couple for food, drinks, dancing, and games is much cheaper than a typical night out for most. It's something fun to do on a Saturday night :-)

I am from the 413 and Jack and Jills are very popular here! For a young couple that live together and currently have most household items, it is a great alternative to a stag and wedding shower. It usually includes lots of close friends, family and acquaintances, some of which you would love to be at the wedding but for most, you can't invite everyone under the sun. I personally think its a lot more "tacky" to have a bunch of your friends buy expensive gifts for a couple, when most of the gifts is stuff that you actually do not need. Most people spend $50-100 at a wedding shower on gifts (again on non-necessity items!). Jack and jills are a lot cheaper for your guest, they can win raffle prizes and are a hell of a lot more fun!

Central Ma here (978) but all my college friends are from the 413 and during wedding season, it feels like I have a J&J to attend monthly.

Having a j&j AND wedding shower is indeed tacky. But asking your friends "pay to come to a party" in lieu of shower gifts is often easier for all involved (no shopping, shipping, returns, yadda yadda), and is so much more fun! The only person who enjoys wedding showers is the bride, and even she has to fake it after the third blender. At least this way, it's a solid $50 for everyone, genuine fun for all, and it's money that 100% goes towards your celebration or honeymoon and doesn't end up in the basement or re-gifted.

And the idea of inviting someone to a J&J who may not be on the ceremony guest list should be understood after considering that the "average" American wedding now costs $30K - and at around $100 per plate for most venues, as much as I want my great aunt diane to attend, the line has to be drawn somewhere. From what I've seen at past J&Js, great aunt diane understands this, and still gets to be a part of the celebration without being too offended.

And to be honest, I'm tired of the idea that brides have to constantly worry about guests' feelings. If I'm asking an arm and a leg, inviting you to seven different events, and clearly all about me, then trust me I get it. But a fundraiser for a wedding in this economy??! Come or don't, but get the heck over it if it "offends you." *Please.*